Sold

My lungs pushed a content sigh out of my body. I’d have to say that day at the park had to have been the best day I’ve ever had at a park; ever. After making out, willingly, with Justan, we went for a walk. I laughed so much I tripped; after that, my leg began to throb so we went back to the swings at the park, and Justan got some cotton candy. Boy, that was fun. Then he decided that we should head back home to clean all of the fluffy mess off.

“You okay?” I twisted my head to see Justan staring intently at the road, as if he were nervous.

“Yeah. My leg is throbbing a bit, but it was beyond worth it.” I smiled brightly at him until he looked at me and back to the road with a smile of his own.

Now do you regret being honest?

Thank you.

Huh?

Thank you. For making me realize who it was that I really cared about, and who Tracie cared about. I see now that Matt was my way to hold onto her.

No. You’ve had her all along. You just didn’t see it.

Huh?

Do I remind you of anybody?

My eyebrows knitted and my nose scrunched. Who the hell did she remind me of? Then a person who I would have never guessed crossed my mind. She was harsh, criticizing, sarcastic; but at the same time, loving, gentle, and understanding. But it couldn’t have been her.

Tracie …

Bingo.

My eyes widened and my breath stopped all together.

“You sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah.” My answer was breathless. This couldn’t have been what I was thinking.

“Then what’s the matter?”

“Thinking.” His jaw audibly tightened along with his hands on the steering wheel.

“What about this time?”

“Tiffany.”

“Oh. Okay.” He relaxed, and let me alone; that made me happy that he would respect me enough to do that for me, just let me talk to her alone.

It’s not what you’re thinking. I’m not Tracie, I’m Tiffany.

Then, how -

When your mom died, you felt completely alone, and hurt. So your psyche made something, or someone in this case, that was like something that was important to you, that was comforting, to help cope with that; me. Just so happens, my attitude was formed from your memories of your best friend, who also passed away tragically.

This is confusing.

Tell me about it.

So, for the rest of the ride, I sat and digested all the new information. What I got was that I had a friend when I was younger (Tracie) who was my “chosen friend” and also who became my best friend. She cared about Matt, and I cared about Justan. When I finally showed interest for Matt, she died.

Then, I began to grow up, caring for Justan, and Matt nearly fell out of the picture completely. That was, until my mom interfered (I guess she wanted me to have options); I saw Matt more, andJeremie Justan less. Then, my mom died.

Later on, Justan came back into my life, followed by Matt. I figured out that the only reason I was hanging onto Matt so strongly was because he had that familiar air about him that reminded me of Tracie. Now that I knew that I didn’t necessarily need her, I knew that I wanted Justan more.

Then, it turned out my mind subconsciously made a person in my head that kept me reminded of Tracie, even though I didn’t remember who she was when I was conscience; Tiffany.

Okay, not so confusing; but what was with my loved ones dieing whenever I got close to Matt? That was weird, now that I had thought about it.

“We’re here.” Justan’s voice wasn’t a whisper, but it wasn’t his normal volume, which worried me.

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” Still with the mumbling like voice.

“What’s the matter?”

“Are you thinking about Matt?” That’s not an answer .. But okay….

“No.”

“Then who are you thinking about?” Wow, this is weird.

“My mom.” I choked up slightly before closing my eyes and breathing deeply.

“Oh! I’m sorry, don’t cry.” He didn’t seem to say anything about my mom, or how he missed her too; he just hugged me to his body tightly.

“It’s fine.” I sighed, melting into his embrace; I’d figure it all out later.