The Pain I've Grown to Know

"What? Who the fuck is saying that I am in a relationship with Lea? And the last I heard was, that she's staying in Florida for now, until she sorts things out with you and Zion. I have no idea what you're talking about Baker, stop being paranoid and shut up!"

Matt turned the volume of the TV up, trying to ignore Zack's inquisitive glance. He seemed shook up about whatever he had heard.
Matt knew that he wouldn't lie to Zacky if he was asking the right questions, it would only result in a big mess, that would make things complicated. He had been able to hide his feelings for Lea rather well the past 3 months. As far as he was aware, only Jimmy had a vague idea of what was going on, seen that he had stumbled into the back of the bus as he was having a rather loved-up conversation with Lea a few weeks back.
Matt knew that he loved Lea, that he had been falling for her the very night he had met her in New York all those years ago. She had hurt him back then by hiding at Zacky's and getting together with him, but this was years back, and he didn't want revenge for that. He didn't want to do the same as her and Zack had done, it would most likely throw Zacky off enough, that Matt and her were feeling the way they did. Covering it up for much longer was out of the question, especially if he was asking him straight out. But there was no reason to just throw it at his face either. Zacky was constantly talking about trying to get back together with Lea, so that they could be a real family, Lea, Zion and him,

"I heard from her own mouth, that she's crazy in love with you! That I am just a friend for her and the father of our child. Sonny mentioned that she'd move to HB if only you'd snap your fingers. Oh, and she thinks that getting together with me back then may have been a mistake, because she should have given you a 2nd chance before rushing into things with me. I thought I'd die when I heard that!"

Zack let his head hang, tears were dwelling up in his eyes. Her love for him had always been the one thing that made him regret all his actions and wrong- doings towards her. And now it looked like, she had doubted her heart all along.

"Don't be stupid Baker! That woman loved you to hell and back, no matter what you did to her, no matter how wasted you got, she always stuck up for you in the end. She might regret now for not having given me a second chance, but back then, she loved you unconditionally, and you know it, so stop driving yourself crazy. And just to stop you picking your brain over it: we are working on being in a relationship, we are not currently in one. We talked about our feelings, but seen that it's not only her, but your son as well that would be affected, we said we're taking it slow before making any decisions. Still, she didn't mention any plans about moving to me when I talked to her yesterday."

Zack was surprised that Matt was telling him this, the truth about him and Lea. He had expected him to lie. he had wanted him to lie, so that he would have a reason to punch him out...to punch someone. His confusion was frustrating him! He simply didn't know where his heart was standing.

"I guess you're right, she must have loved me, for taking me back all those times. I think I am just somewhat disappointed, I thought that her and me might get back together and that we'd be like this little perfect family. What's it gonna look like if she moves in with you and you are going out and all. Zion might get used to you and her being together, thinking you're his dad. And people might suggest that she's a slut: getting knocked up by the guitarist and then getting it on with the singer. Have you thought about any of that?"

Zacky looked up into Matt's eyes again, a sly spark embedded in his green ones: there was a slight chance that he could use his son to get Lea and Matt to their senses. That their relationship would ruin the possibility of having a real family for Zion. he didn't plan on giving up on his hopes that easily!

"I didn't think about that at all. But to be honest: I couldn't care less what people around me and especially the media think. And Zack, I am not trying to take your place as Zion's father, and you know as well, that Lea refers to you as his dad, when she talks about you to him, I am not trying to ruin this for you. But I can see what you are trying to do here. This time I will actually fight for her, if you are planning on making this a competition, Zack, you understand that? She finally loves me the way I hoped she would have 3 years ago, and I will not let that chance go by as easy as I did last time. Can't you just be happy that even if her and me get together and she does decide to move, that you'd have your son right around the corner from you and that you can see him every damn day? That you at least know the guy she's going out with and that he'll treat your son good?"

Zack stood up and switched off the TV set. Some of what Matt said he could accept: having Zion around HB would be great! He could swing by Matt's house whenever he wanted, even bring him over to his parents' place so that they could spoil their grandson. And Leana would be happy for Lea being around, so that she was not the only young mother in their circle of friends.
She had given birth to a perfectly healthy and beautiful baby girl about 2 months ago. Luckily, all the bands on Warped had the whole week off when she had been brought to hospital, and Jimmy had been on the next plane as soon as Leana called him, still on the way to the hospital. The baby was early by a week, but somehow it was good that way, as it enabled Jimmy to be there for the birth. They had been delighted for Jimmy and Leana, seen that the two of them had been together for years and since the wedding, they had tried for having kids. Rev was smiling like a kid when he joined the others on tour again, proudly showing around pictures and pointing out the baby's name tattooed just under his wife's name on his chest: Rory Lyv Sullivan. Him and Zack had gotten somewhat closer, both of them now being fathers, both of them having to come to terms with being separated from their offspring.

"Do you think there's any chance of Lea and me getting back together? Do you think she would sacrifice her love to you, so that Zion would have a chance of having a family where his real father is the one sharing the bed with his mom? Do you think she'd rather do anything in her power to provide him with a normal family life that he has missed out on so far, than pursuing her own happiness? if you can answer any of these questions with 'yes' I believe you would act selfish by getting in mine and Lea's way."

He could see Matt's jaw tighten and he smiled on the inside: Matt knew damn well that Lea was a family oriented person and that her baby's happiness was her top priority, and Matt's reaction showed him as well, that he was not certain that she wouldn't decide against their relationship for the greater good of Zion having his daddy in his life permanently.

"Your silence is answer enough, that's all I needed to know. If you love her the way you do, please give me the chance of sorting things out with my kid. I just wanna be a good dad Matt, and I think it would be the best if Zion would have his mom and dad together. Maybe you can control yourself for another 2 weeks, until I have gone down there. If she has absolutely no plans of getting back with me, I'll give you free way and she is yours. I am not asking for myself Matt: I am asking for Zion, and what's best for him."

He grabbed his jacket off the nearest chair and vacated the room, leaving Johnny and Matt behind. A sentence popped into his head, something he had been thinking all those years back, when lea and him had started secretly dating. He smiled to himself again as he was waiting for the elevator:
All is fair in love and war!