The Pain I've Grown to Know

"Yo Matt! What's up, you look like shit!"

Matt turned towards the voice that was directed at him, and looked up at Brian, who was walking up from the beach, discarding his cigarette.
He hadn't seen Matt in a few days, and although he was usually at least calling him every so often, but not this time around. Matt looked tired, dark circles underneath his eyes.

"Thanks for telling me Haner! I'm fine, just not getting enough sleep lately."

He plonked himself on a bench and stared across the water, tempted to ask his friend and band mate for a smoke, but he decided against it. He was on his way home really, but he knew that Lea was still pissed off with him and the way he had reacted towards the news that she may be pregnant. She had left the house and had left Zion with him, knowing that Zack would come around to pick him up before noon.

"Rare to see you and Lea not hanging off each other. Where is she?"

Brian knew that Matt was usually sleeping like a stone, and him looking this drained, something was up. And as far as he was aware, Lea not being here meant, that it had something to do with her.

"No idea where she is, she took off about 2 hours ago. My guess is, that she went to the hospital, but I am too tired to look around for her. She'll calm down after a while, I just gonna stay out of her hair for a day."

Brian was just about to get some more information from Matt, as Matt's phone rang and he gingerly preyed it out of his jacket pocket, staring down at the caller ID, huffing as he saw that it was Zack.

"Get your fucking ass down to the hospital now Sanders. I'll give you 10 minutes, you hear me!"

Zack screamed into the phone the second Matt had picked up the call, not allowing Matt to say anything. And the tone of voice didn't allow Matt to reply anything. Brian saw Matt's eyes widen, in what looked like surprise and shock.

"What the fuck is going on Baker, why should I come to the hospital?"

He didn't like the tone of voice Zacky was using, but he knew that Zack wouldn't call him for no reason.

"Because it's your girlfriend laying here after she fucking bled all over the bathroom floor and decided to call me instead of you, sobbing like a little kid! If you are not here in 10 minutes, I take it you don't care shit for her and I'll never let you touch her or my son again...understood?"

Matt jumped up from the bench, panic in his eyes. His head whipped around, looking for his car, before remembering that he had walked to the beach earlier on.

"Brian, I need you to drop me to the hospital, now! Zack, what happened? Where is Zion, is he OK? Why was she bleeding...is she...pregnant? She gonna be-"

He was rambling, as Brian pulled him towards his car, pushing him down on the passenger seat and quickly starting the engine.

"I can't believe I am hearing this Matt! How could you not notice? I suspected that she was pregnant weeks ago, and I don't even live with her, she smells different, her skin looks different, and she was always tired, short fused, and started throwing up a lot over the past week. Are you paying any attention to this woman you call your girlfriend at all apart from the times you're screwing her? Fuck Matt...just get your ass over here, she needs you! And you better not be dragging Brian in here, Zion is with my parents."

Zack disconnected the call, just after Matt could hear a familiar voice whimper in the background, and it crushed his heart.

Brian looked at his friend out of the corner of his eyes. Lea was in hospital, bleeding...pregnant? This was a lot to take in, no one had said anything like this, but he did notice that Zack had been quiet the past few days. The last few months really! All of them knew he was still broken hearted over Lea, and seeing her and Matt together everyday didn't help much. But he insisted that he was OK, and spent every spare minute together with his son, mainly at Matt's house, or he would take Lea out to join Zion and him at the Baker house, Zacky's parents couldn't get enough of their grandson.

"You OK Matt?"

This was all he was going to ask, he didn't want to pressure Matt, especially not, since he didn't exactly know what was going on himself.

"If she loses the kid because I stressed her out, I'll never forgive myself. Just drive, I gotta get there and find out what happened...and how Zacky figured out she's pregnant weeks ago, when she didn't tell me until yesterday morning that she might be pregnant. Fuck, I must have been blind, just as Zack says."

He smashed his clenched fists down on the dashboard repeatedly, before catching a glimpse of Brian's Marlboro box, quickly sticking one of the cigarettes between his lips, rummaging for a lighter in the glove compartment, ending up pushing in the cigarette lighter button on the middle of the car's console, greedily inhaling the heavy smoke.

"It's weird seeing you smoke again, but take all the smokes you want man. Here, we're there. Want me to wait for you, or...what?"

Matt looked out of the car window, noticing that Brian in fact was parked outside the hospital's main entrance. He remained seated for a while, pulling his hands through his hair, sighing heavily before opening the door.

"I have no idea. I guess I'll stay here until I know what happened and if she needs to stay here or can come home. Thanks for the lift, I'll let you know what the story is later."

He climbed out of the car, hearing Brian take off. He stubbed out the cigarette on the ground before making his way to the reception, asking for his girlfriend. He stepped into the lift and pressed the button for the 4th floor. As soon as the metal doors opened, he twisted his neck to try and find Zack. He saw him at the end of the hall, sitting slumped on a seat, his head in his hands. Matt's pace quickened and he stopped next to him.

"Zacky, what happened, is she gonna be OK?"

Matt's voice was deep and low, hardly audible over the busy noises from the hospital hallways. Zack raised his head and looked up at his long time friend.

"Yeah, she's gonna be fine. They still don't know what caused the bleeding though, they're running some tests, so far the baby is OK, too. I was scared as shit when I've seen her on the bathroom floor: she was wearing that knee-long white cotton dress, big blood stains at her crotch area and on her hands, and running down the inside of her legs...just the panicked look in her eyes, her screaming and crying. It should have been you she called, not me! Where were you that early anyhow?"

"Thinking. She didn't even sleep in our bedroom last night, she was so pissed off at me yesterday, for not really saying the things she hoped to hear from me I guess. Did she know you suspected that she's pregnant? Maybe that's why she called you?"

Zack rubbed his eyes and stood up, pulling his friend in a hug, patting his shoulder.

"Maybe, I don't know. I guess I asked her a few times if she was OK, but she didn't give me straight answers. I gotta go, I hate this place and I should be checking on Zion. Let me know what's going on, alright? She's in that room, most likely sleeping."

He took off without another word, pushing his hands deep in the pockets of the black slacks he was wearing. Matt's gaze followed him, until he entered the lift, before turning towards the door Zack had pointed at. He put the hand on the door handle, closed his eyes shut for a second or two and exhaling deeply, before entering.
His heart paused, as he saw Lea lay in the hospital bed, a drip fixed to her arm, and two beeping machines surrounding her. She looked pale, a thin film of sweat on her forehead. He had never seen her as vulnerable as this. He walked towards her until he stood right next to her, carefully taking her hand, gently pressing it before raising it to his lips and kissing it.