The Pain I've Grown to Know

"Jimmy? What...oh heavens Leana, look at you! You are gorgeous! How far along are you?"

He knew that she was evading his question, but one look into her eyes confirmed what Leana had said previously:her eyes were bloodshot from crying. He looked over to the two women as they smiled at each other and Lea pressed her hand against his wife's stomach before they looked at each other and hugged. After a few seconds they heard a whining noise coming from between them.

"Oh baby, I am sorry!"

Lea backed away from Leana, looking down at her son and hugged him closer to her. Leana and Jimmy looked at her in awe, as the kid wrapped his little arms around the back of his mother's neck, his face cradling against the side of it.

"7 months! But I believe you are the one that should be talking to us right now. Is this your son? Yous and Zack's? What the hell happened in Vegas 2 years ago that made you just run off the way you did?"

Lea let herself plop into the warm sand, allowing Zion to stand on his own feet as he kept holding on to her arm . He was beaming at Leana and pointed to Leana's big belly, a high pitched laughter leaving his lips.Leana giggled herself and reached both of her arms out towards him and it didn't take more than that to make him wobble her way immediately.

"Yes, Zion is his child alright, likes the women just as much! And although I hate seeing Zacky stare back at me through Zion's eyes every day, I guess it's the only thing Zack ever did me right with. I love my son, he is the one that made me pull through all this."

As she felt Jimmy's quizzical look on her, Lea shoved her shades onto the bridge of her nose, trying to hide her puffy eyes behind them.

"From your question I assume that Zacky didn't tell any of you what exactly happened that evening in Las Vegas, I am not going to say anything myself, it's not really my place. But you have to believe me, he fucked up..again, in together with all the other shit that he had done before this, I just couldn't be with him any longer, I would have never been able to fully trust him again. I was crushed, disappointed and felt so used. I know that Brian...- never mind this actually. If I would have known that I was pregnant at that stage, I might have stayed, for our kid's sake but I didn't find out until 2 months after. Please Jimmy, don't make me roll out what exactly happened, I am still feeling terrible only thinking about the things that I've learned that day,...it showed me that Zack would trade me to keep a clean sleeve."

Leana and Jimmy had listen intently, to every word she had muttered out in a low voice. It had showed, that whatever did happen had been hard on her. And whilst Leana was willing to give her space and didn't want to press on, Jimmy still had his eyes fixed on her, his long fingers fidgeting in the sand.

"Lea! Whatever happened...I guess you had your reasons to leave, no one holds that against you. But you have been gone for over 2 years, and the only thing we, or Sandra, got, was a postcard from New Orleans 1 1/2 years ago! We had no idea before or after, if you were in fact dead or alive! Hell, the guys even went down there for a few days to look for you, as soon as Sandra told them about the card! If not me, Lea or the guys...you could have at least kept in touch with your best friend from time to time to let her know you are OK. Sandra is smashed, she fears the worst for you and blames herself for leaving your side that day! That is the issue that drives me up the walls...and I guess all the others, too! If Zack knows why you left, good, but do you have any idea how worried and scared he is? He loves you still, and not knowing what happened to you killed him. He hasn't been the same since, and was not able to hold on to any girl, not only because he was afraid she'd run off but because you were on his mind all of the time! And him having a kid...you know that he won't be off your case until he has some visitation rights or something!"

Lea released an audible breath. She had expected him to be blunt. Although a lot of people thought that Jimmy was a constant clown and party person, she knew that he was deep, and always said what he was thinking, without beating around the bush, not caring if someone got hurt what he said. She therefore had almost expected harsher words, but she knew as well, that since he didn't know what did happen in Vegas, he was being cautious of what he said, most likely going back to Zack later and question him until he was able to make himself a full picture.

"Yes, and that was my fear. After all that happened between me and Zack...and Brian, I just don't want Zion to really spend time with him. I am afraid he will use him against me to move back to Huntington or at least to California, so that he has easier access to him. I...to be honest, I didn't't think I would ever cross his path again, that he'd never find out that he has a son with me. I cut all the contacts that linked me to him, and it hurt, especially cutting myself lose from Sandra and Dave, but I know they would have slipped something at some stage. And truth be told: I didn''t even think of anything to say if I ever would be confronted with any of you. I am sorry if I hurt you and got you worried, but I thought it to be best in my situation."

She paused, as her cell rang and she picked it up without looking at the caller ID, knowing that it could only be Sonny.

"Lea, where are you? I am sorry for being so straight forward earlier, but...I do believe every man has a right to know that he fathered a child. At least he'll have the chance then to decide whether or not he wants to be part of his kid's life. I never blamed you for what you did, believe me. And you know that I see Zion practically as my own...so I just hope that you didn't mean what you said earlier. Please, just come back, I called Matt and canceled, he said he couldn't make it today anyhow."

She looked over to Leana and Jimmy, who were now both entertaining Zion. They'd make such great parents once she'd have her kid. They were great with her kid and she could see in Leana's eyes, that she couldn't wait to hold her own bundle of joy.

"I know Sonny. I am sorry, I was being irrational when I said that you want to hand off responsibility. But so much stuff came back up today with them two coming to the shop and all. I...I am at the beach with their drummer and his girlfriend right now-"

Leana held her left hand up, flashing a gold ring whilst a smile was playing on her lips

"-sorry, his wife and we are having a talk about things. I guess I'll be back as soon as everything has been said. Don't worry, I knew you only have the best in mind for me and Zion, you know how I get when Zacky is brought up, and him just walking in today...you know I love you Sonny and that I am grateful for all the help you gave me and still do. I gotta hang up, I'll see you in a bit."

Leana looked at her as she slid the phone back into her purse. She knew what was coming: she had answered this question millions of times, but she didn't want to jump the gun, so she waited for the question on Leana's tongue to be voiced.

"So...this tattooist Sonny, are you and him together? I am sorry for eavesdropping, but from what you said, it sounds like he has been a big part of your's and Zion's life."

Ah, the gossip! She had missed that!

"No, not really. Sonny and me are best friends, although I kind of think that Zion thinks he's his dad. Just when I left the tattoo parlor Sonny was telling me that I should have told Zack about his son and that he deserves to know...he never has said anything like that before, so I think I just took it hard, and having heard Matt's and Zion's voices before, Sonny telling me that Zion and Zack had clicked immediately, I just needed to get a free clear mind. And you know what? I feel so much better having met you and talked to you. But please, do me one favor: don't make me sit down with Zack right now...I can't deal with it!"

She stood up and patted the sand off her jeans. Her son looked up, Matt's aviator glasses held out to her and she gladly took them, slightly rubbing them in her fingers. This day had been full of surprises, good and bad. She felt overpowered by all the emotions that had resurfaced today. She was glad to see Leana in the condition she was, and Jimmy, as blunt as he had been to her, seemed over the moon about being a father soon.

"You know what you need after a big day like this? A piss up Huntington Beach style! Fuck, we haven't seen you in so long, I wanna catch up on everything that has happened in the past 2 years, and you could give me helpful tips on the months two come!"

Leana spat out. She had never been someone to keep her thoughts to herself, and seeing a friend again that she had thought to be lost...there was no way she'd sit in Jimmy's and her hotel room all night. Lea smile back at her, embracing Zion who had walked back to his mother.
It did feel good that the secret was lifted and she was glad that it had been these two seeking her out and not Matt, Brian or even Zack.

"I wish I could, but I have Zion, and would need to find a babysitter and..."

Jimmy stood up as well, smiling at both women and sticking his tongue out to the boy in the arms of his friend's ex fiance, almost wife.

"Let's go back to the parlor, drop the boy on your beloved friend and hit a bar then! Come on girls...let's not waste any more time, we need to catch up!"

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Matt's cell vibrated, indicating a received text message.

The girls and me are hitting a bar for drinks. Zack's baby is taken care of, and yes, he does look just like him! I wanna know what the fuck him and Brian did that night in Vegas, find out or I will beat it out of him later when I am drunk! How's Baker doing?

Matt frowned, re- reading the message again. Zack and Brian were sitting on the couch, playing some racing game. Zack had finally calmed down after smoking about half a packet out on the terrace. He was no at his 10th beer and wasn't mentioning Lea or the kid that was his or anything else. He had wanted to go back to the tattoo place to confront the tattooist, or even Lea if she was there, but both Matt and Brian had held him back. Matt was preaching that he needed time to process all of this before he could approach all of this.

You talked to Lea? How is she? What has she been up to? Is she happy? Is that guy her boyfriend? Fuck, I wanna be there, too! Don't worry, I'll find out what happened. I was at the room that night but didn't really ask what was behind the message she had left him. Give me a shout later, maybe I can meet up with you all. Tell her I love and miss her!