Fall From A Star

The guys had went somewhere an hour ago and Val thought it was best for me to get up and out of my room for a while.

I was laying on my stomach on the living room floor. As Prom night kept playing in my head. It didn't matter if I was wake or sleeping it was always their. Inside my head were I cant escape from it.

"Hey sweetie" Val said entering the living from the kitchen. I didn't look up at her I just kept staring at the black TV screen. "Julia try to eat okay?" she said and placed something in front of me. I moved my eyes down and looked at the bowl of Lucky Charms in front of me.

I nodded and picked up the spoon stirring the cereal around.

"Alright, I'm going to go take a shower. The boys should be back soon." she said and left the room.

I stirred my cereal for about a minute longer. I put the spoon down and pushed the bowl off to side.

I know she just wants me to get better and that everything is going to be alright. But I know its not. It never will.

I sighed and placed my hands on my arms and closed my eyes.

"Please stop."

"Stop fighting."

I opened my eyes and felt tears run down my eyes. Nothing is going to save me. Not even Zacky.

I needed something to distract myself so I went up into my room went over to my CD case.

I found the CD I was looking for and went back downstairs.

I saw Matt's car coming from up the street as I looked out the living room window.

I turned towards the stereo and put the CD in. I turned the volume all the way up and went back to my laying position on the ground staring at the TV.

You woke up.
In pieces.
From making.
These changes.
And Holding me ransom.
Wont right you an anthem.

I heard the door open and feet shuffled into the living room.

"Julia are you okay?" a voice asked. I was pretty sure it was Brian but I ignored his question. I heard the couches sneak as they sat in them.

On the outside.
I'm trying.
'Cause inside.
I'm dying.

This broken heart was stronger then.
Now I cant stand to part with this.
This broken heart.

You took me.
For granted.
Now I've changed.
You haven't.

It wont be.
So easy.
To sell me.
This feeling.

"Julia?" It was Matt voice this time. He stood in front of me and I didn't move my eyes up I just stared at his shoes that blocked the TV.

This broken heart was stronger then.
The words I wish you never met.
This broken heart.

Cant make this right.
You can see on my face that I'm not gonna be all right.
Not tonight.

You can read all my letters,
But that wont mean things are fine.
Not this time.

Cause you gave away all the secrets of you and I.

This broken heart was stronger then.
Now I cant stand to part with this.
This broken heart was stronger then.
The words I wish you never met.
This broken heart !

As the song ended I sat up on my knees and looked around the living. Matt was still standing in front of me looking down at me. Brian and Zacky were on the couch staring at me and Jimmy and Johnny sat in the chairs doing the same.

"Babe are you okay?" Zacky asked me. I looked at him and locked eyes with him.

Do I honestly look okay?

Unkempt hair, no make-up, red-puffy eyes. Yeah I'm fantastic.

I didn't answer his question in away. I stood up and went over to the stereo and hit the forewards button to a different song and pressed play.

I knew they were all watching me in curiosity.

I laid back down only this time i was facing the couch Brian and Zacky sat at. I looked at their shoes as the song began to play.

Your subtleties they strangle me
I can't explain myself at all
And all the wants, and all the needs
All I don't want to need at all

The walls start breathing, my mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone
A weight is lifted on this evening
I give the final blow

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight, it ends tonight

"Oh you guys are back." I heard Val say."Why is the music so loud?"

"I don't know. We came home and Julia had it up listening to This Broken Heart. She didn't say anything to anyone." I heard Jimmy say.

"Oh"

A falling star, at least I fall alone
I can't explain what you can't explain
You're finding things that you didn't know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing, my mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone
A weight is lifted on this evening
I give the final blow

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight, it ends tonight
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight, it ends tonight, it ends tonight

Now I'm on my own side
It's better than being on your side
It's my fault when you're blind
It's better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you're the first to know

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight, it ends tonight
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight, it ends tonight

It ends when darkness turns to light
It ends tonight, it ends tonight
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight, it ends tonight, it ends tonight
Tonight, insight
When darkness turns to light it ends tonight

I stood up again and went towards the stereo but Zack wrapped his arms around my waist holding me still.

"Baby, please stop." he whispered. I could feel his hot breath against my neck. It sent a shiver down my spine causing me to think of the past.

"I said stop." I screamed pulled away from him. "Please stop." I whimpered and fell to my knees.

"Baby." Zacky cooed and knelt down next to me. "Please let me hold you?" he pleaded.

I felt tears roll down my eyes. I felt his finger touch the bottom of my chin and he lifted my head up to look at his. "Please."

I shook my head 'no' and stood up and ran behind Matt. "Matt no please. I said no" Was all I kept repeating.

Zacky looked at me and i saw a tear fall from his eye. "I'm sorry Zacky." I said softly.

He looked at me from behind Matt and wiped away his tear. He nodded and sat back on the couch next to Brian.

Brian clapped his back softly and Zacky just hung his head. I heard soft sobs escape him and all I wanted to do was walk over to him and hug him.

But my mind wasn't letting me.

I saw Val's head look at the floor where my cereal was. She sighed and looked at me. "Julia you need to eat."

"She hasn't ate?" Matt asked.

"Not unless she got up to get more." Val sighed again.

Matt turned around to look at me. "Julia please eat. Mom and Dad will kill me even more if you don't eat something."

"I cant"

"Julia, I'm already going to be in deep shit for letting that happened to you, if you don't eat I'm dead."

For some reason this statement caused me to cry with angry tears.

"Fuck you Matt" I screamed and Zacky's head shot up. "I'm sorry that I let him touch me like that. I'm sorry I ruined your life. i sorry I ruined all your lives." I screamed.

"Julia I didn't mean it like that." Matt said trying to calm me down.

"Of course you did! I ruined everything!" i cried and ran up the stairs. i heard someone following me. I tried to slam my door shut but I heard someone grab it.

I ran and flopped onto my bed and began to let out my cries. I clenched onto my pillow and brought it under my head and cried into it.

I messed up everything

I felt the bed sink next to me. I looked over my shoulder and saw Zacky sitting on my bed next to me.

He gently rubbed my back as i tired to calm down my breathing back to normal.

"I'm sorry Zacky" I whispered.

"Why?" his voice was dry and scratchy. He coughed it out and asked again. "Why?"

"Because of the whole thing." I said instead of stating the obvious.

"Baby, That was not your fault." he said and laid down next to me. He placed his head on a different pillow and faced me.

"Yes it was" I said softly and wiped my eyes.

"No, please stop blaming your self." He said and ran his fingertips down the side of my back. "You need to get better Julia. It breaks my heart to see you like this. To flinch when I touch you. To run away when I hold you. Your not eating. You need to."

"I'm trying. its hard to do when your completely broken Zacky."

"Thats why I'm here to save you." he said and kissed my forehead.