A Taste Of Chaos

I pushed Ray off me and ran as fast as I could out of the hotel. People gave me weird looks as I ran past, tears streaming down my face. 'Funny' I thought, 'No-one actually cares enough to stop me and ask what's wrong' I ran and ran, I had absolutly no idea where I was going. I found a small pub and walked inside. I wasn't old enough to drink but I had a fake ID that said I was 22. Luckily the bar tender didn't even look twice at my ID. I drank as much as I could without passing out and dragged myself into the grotty bathroom. I looked at myself in the cracked mirror, all dressed up with nowhere but here to go. I looked down at my dress that I had intended to go out with Frankie in. It was a little torn from me running and dirty because I had fallen over. I looked back at my face. I was pale and my heavy eyeliner was smeared down my face. I just stared in the mirror for a while and then I collapsed. The last thing I remembered was seeing a pair of trousered legs running towards me.

When I woke up I was on a couch and my head was throbbing heavily. The memories of last night flooded back and I sat bult upright, which really hurt my head. I had no idea where I was.
"Frankie?" I said to no-one in particular. I saw someone move on the bed. I froze, it could be anyone. The person sat up.
"He's still in his room, hasn't come out yet." It was Mikey. He rubbed his face and looked at me. I tried to look back at him but it hurt my head to focus. I lied back and groaned in relief and pain.
"See what happens when you drink yourself under the table?" Mikey taunted. I flipped him off and he got up to get me some panadol.
"How did you find me?" I groaned to him, my throat was sticky and sore. I saw another figure move in the next bed. It was Gerard. Oh shit. What would Frank think?
"Where's Frank?" I asked again. Gerard looked at me and shook his head. Why was he shaking his head?
"I want to see Frank!" I yelled. He sighed and walked to the door. I got up, swayed and sat back down. Mikey came in with the panadol. I took it and got up again, this time making it to and through the door. I got to Frank's door and banged on it hard, nearly punching Frank in the face as he answered it. He grabbed my wrist so that I wouldn't bash his nose.
"What do you....you look terrible." He said catching sight of my ripped dress and messed up make-up.
"She went and got pissed last night, like fully pissed." Gerard said in an almost dejected tone.
"Did I ask you?" Frank looked at him with a look of utter hate. He was still holding my wrist.
"Frankie....please, we didn't mean for that to happen. I swear to god." Tears started rolling down my cheeks for the millionth time.
"Frankie please forgive me.....us." I looked into his eyes trying to read what he was thinking. I hated myself so much for letting that happen.
"Lily......I....I just don't..." Frank was seriously thinking about what he was going to say. I looked away, knowing it couldn't be good. Frank pulled me into a hug and I bawled my eyes out on his shoulder. Gerard walked off with his head down as Frank pulled me into the room and closed the door.
"Frankie, I'm so sorry, I thought I'd lost you." Frank held me close and we sat on the bed. There was clothes everywhere and empty beer bottles, I wasn't the only one who'd been drinking last night. My head was hurting so much from crying and my hangover, that I fell asleep in Frank's arms.

We were woken by a knock on the door. Frank got up and answered it. It was Ray making sure I was ok. He had been there when they found me on the bathroom floor of that bar.
"Hey Lily how's the head?" he asked as he sat down.
"Fine" I said, rubbing my face. I asked the question I had been wondering about since I woke up the first time. "How did you find me? Last night I mean."
"Well, after Frank punched Gerard and you ran away, we had a small fight amoungst us to see who should follow you. In the end we all decided to go. We knew you'd go to a bar and try to do yourself in, so we split up and went to all the bars in walking distance. When we asked the bar tender if someone looking like you had been in the bar. He said that you'd just gone into the bathroom. We ran to the bathroom just as you collapsed." Frank looked guilty all of a sudden.
"I'm sorry Lily, I shouldn't have gone crazy like that, but...well....what were you doing in Gerard's room in the first place." I looked down. I didn't want to tell them the reason, but I wanted Frank to understand.
"Well, I went to see if he was alright..'cause he'd been sad all afternoon, when I got there I could tell he'd been crying. He sat down and his sleeve fell down from his wrist, Frank, he'd slit his wrist." Frank's eyes widened and before I could say anything else he jumped off the bed and ran down the hall. Ray and I followed. Frank got to Gerards door and knocked. Mikey answered it.
"Where's Gerard?" Frank sounded angry but concerned at the same time.
"Uh... in the bathroom...why?" Frank pushed past Mikey and ran to the bathroom door.
"Gerard!" Frank yelled through the door. There was no sound from inside. Mikey, Ray and Frank all kicked the door open to find Gerard, razor in hand, with blood all the way up his arm. Frank ran to him and hugged him tightly. Mikey and Ray looked gobsmacked. I didn't know what to do. I stood there and just looked at them for what seemed forever.

*Two Hours Later*
Gerard's arm was bandaged and we were all sitting backstage of the MCR concert. No-one was saying anything, just stared at the floor. The guys manager came into the room.
"Five minutes guys." he said as they all stood up silently. Somehow I didn't think the fans would get what thay paid for tonight. Frank kissed me on the forehead and they all went on blacked out stage. Gerard screamed into his microphone.
"DO YOU WANT TO SEE US?" He asked the screaming crowd. They all screamed yes.
"I CAN'T FUCKING HEAR YOU!" I could almost hear the smirk in his voice. He loved acting for the crowd.