Baby in the Closet

Ryan was begging Spencer to do his math homework when the girl appeared. “Ry, can I talk to you for a minute?” she asked.

He raised his eyebrow, but nodded, thrusting his Trigonometry book at his best friend. “Two through thirty even, page two-thirty-six.” he said, following his ex-girlfriend outside. “What’s up?” he asked, shoving his hands in his jacket pocket.

They hadn’t broken up on bad terms, but they hadn’t been friends before they dated. He didn’t know what she could need to talk about. They had been over for two weeks and he’d already returned the CDs he’d borrowed from her.

“I went to the doctor yesterday.” she said quietly, staring straight into his eyes.

Ryan’s face grew slightly concerned. “Are you okay?”

She nodded, fiddling with the strap on her backpack. “I, uh . . . I’m pregnant.”

Eyes widened, mouth slightly open, shoulders tensed. “Are you sure?” he blurted out. Idiot, Ry, idiot. Like she’d be not sure after seeing the fucking doctor.

She nodded again, not saying anything.

“And it’s . . . it’s mine?”

“I haven’t been with anyone since you.” she said quietly.

The bell rang, signaling that they had five minutes to get to their first period classes. Ryan took a deep breath, staring down at his white shoelaces for a moment before looking back up at the girl. “Lunch? I’ll meet you by your locker.”

Lexie nodded. “Okay.” Her voice was quiet, but not quiet enough that he couldn’t hear her. They both headed into the building, her walking toward a group of her friends and him making a beeline straight for Spencer.

“Dude, there’s no way I can get this done by fourth period.” the younger said.

“Don’t worry about it.” Ryan took the textbook from his friend and disappeared up the stairs.

Pregnant. Pregnant. Fucking pregnant. One time without a condom, one fucking time, and he gets his god damn girlfriend pregnant. And how much was an abortion going to cost? He hit his head against his locker three times before opening it and taking out his English book for first period.

The next four periods were both a blur and the slowest four hours of his life. Ryan didn’t know how that was possible, but it somehow was. After Trig, he bypassed Spencer in the hallway and hurried to his ex-girlfriend’s locker. “I’m not really hungry.” she told him, not looking up from putting her bag in her locker.

“Okay. So, do you want to go out to my car so we can be alone?” It sounded like a bad line. If they hadn’t been in their current situation, it probably would have been a bad line.

“Sure.”

After they got into Ryan’s car, it was quiet for nearly five minutes. Lexie stared out the window and Ryan tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. He was the first to speak.

“So . . . I can pay for an abortion.” he said finally.

Her head spun so quickly he thought her neck might crack. “I’m not getting an abortion.” she hissed. “That’s murder, Ryan. What kind of Catholic are you?”

“I’m not Catholic.” He rolled his eyes. “And you weren’t all that Catholic when we were fucking.”

“Yeah, and I’m getting punished for it now.”

“Oh, yeah.” Ryan said sarcastically. “God got you pregnant.”

She crossed her arms and slouched down in the car seat. “I thought you’d propose, not offer to pay for a murder.” she muttered.

“Propose?” Ryan looked at her like she was an acid. “Yeah, that’s a great idea, Lexie. We barely last two months, but let’s go ahead and get fucking married.”

“You got me pregnant!” she snapped.

“I thought God got you pregnant. And anyway, it was you who said ‘sure, Ryan, let’s not use a condom this time, there’s no way I can pregnant on my period’.”

“Shut up.” she whispered, her voice cracking, tears running down her face. “Just shut up.”

He swore under his breath, gripping the steering wheel as tightly as he could, letting his head fall back against the seat for a moment. “I’m sorry.” he said finally. “It was both of us.”

Lexie didn’t say anything.

“So, are you going to give it up for adoption?” he asked.

“I don’t know. I haven’t really thought about it.” She sighed. “Bell’s going to ring soon. We should go in.”

Ryan nodded. “Just . . . let me know what you’re going to do, okay? I’ll drive you to the appointments and stuff.”

Lexie nodded distantly, not really paying attention. She slid gracefully from the car seat and walked back up to the school alone. Ryan stayed in the car, looking at himself in the rearview mirror.

“I’m never having sex without a condom again.” he told his reflection.

After school, he drove over to PVHS to pick up Brendon. They drove around for about ten minutes, picking up shakes at Burger King before Ryan stopped the car in an empty parking lot.

“Make outs?” Brendon asked excitedly.

The older boy shook his head, deciding how to tell his boyfriend his ex-girlfriend was pregnant while the high school junior continued to suck on his chocolate shake. “So, guess what?”

“What?” Brendon asked.

“Lexie’s pregnant.” Band-Aid method. Quick and painful.

“Is it yours?”

Ryan nodded.

“Well, shit.” Brendon set his milkshake down in the cup holder. “What’s she going to do with it?”

“She won’t get an abortion.” Ryan said, rolling his eyes. “She said it was murder.”

“Are you going to . . . get back together with her?” the younger boy asked quietly, picking at the fraying on his jeans.

“No!” Ryan cried. “Jesus, what is it with everyone? She wants me to marry her and now you?”

“I just thought—“

“That I’d be stupid enough to get married in high school? I already got her pregnant, I’m not going to make two huge mistakes.”

“Okay, okay.” Brendon reached out put his hand on his boyfriend’s leg. “I’m sorry.”

Ryan sighed. “All right, enough of this shit. Let’s talk about something else.”

“Make outs?” Brendon tried again.

The older boy laughed. “Sure. Make outs.”