The Only Difference Between Bill Kaulitz and Brendon Urie Is Press Coverage

That night there wasn't too many fans for Panic, most people were there for Tok. Since I had no friends there at the concert I just sat in the merch tent. I went out to see Metro Station's set, and danced around to an idiot to Wish We Were Older and then went back in to sit.

It was a pretty crappy night. It started raining during Panic's set and it was pretty cold. Ew I knew it was only gonna be worse when we were in Canada.

That's where we would be headed next, a show in Toronto and then a show in Quebec and then we were gonna do the east and work our way over. The last show was Vegas.

Bill was pretty tired and pissy after that show, like usual, and just crashed when we got on the bus.

Merch hadn't sold much that night and everything that was left was dumped on our bus. And everything was wet. It took up pretty much the whole front of the bus.

Tom and Georg were out in the front watching something on TV, so I went up to sit in Tom's bunk so as not to disturb Bill.

Now I'm always afriad of things I might find in Tom's bed, but God I had nothing to worry. It was like day two of the tour.

His bed was pretty comfy, but I wished he would have had a TV in there like our bunk. But I brought my iPod so I was good.

I laid down a bit in his bed, starting to feel pretty tired, and my hand fell on something at the end of his bed. I felt something lacy and frilly, and picked it up.

What the hell? A pair of panties? Well that was Tom for you. I put them back down where they were and desperately wanted some hand sanitizer. No, I wanted a shower. Luckily we'd be in a hotel when we got to Canada.

I turned down my music a bit and snuggled up against Tom's pillow.

I heard him climb up like an hour or so later.

"Hey what are you doing in here?" he asked, pushing me over to the other side so he could get in.

"I didn't wanna disturb Bill," I explained.

He nodded and laid down next to me.

"Hey can I talk to you about something?" he asked, and though I just wanted to sleep I sat up and faced him.

"Yeah sure."

"I think I....I think I still have feelings for Bea," he explained, not looking up at me.

"Well maybe you should talk to her about it."

Even in the slight darkness I could see him blush.

"What?"

"Uh...yesterday I fucked her...." he whispered.

"Oh my God Tom!"

"Don't tell Gussi please he deserves way more than me to be happy!" Tom cried.

"Tom you seriously need to sit down with Bea and talk about this stuff. She agreed to this little thing so obviously there is still something she feels too."

"I thought it would help, you know....then I could forget her after that last time and I...." he buried his face in his hands. "Gott this is confusing."

"Do you love her Tom?" I asked.

"God Tara I don't even know what love is. I look at you and Bill and I think to myself that that is love but I wonder why I can never find it myself," he replied.

"But do you think about Bea? Think about being with her for the rest of your life?"

"Sometimes..."

"Then you should talk to her. After this tour just sit down and talk. I mean you two have both really changed...."

He cut me off. "But when I'm with her I feel like my old self."

"She's told me she feels like her old self when she's around you too," I whispered.

"Really?" he looked up at me with hope in his eyes. "Is that a good thing though?"

"I don't know what it is." I let out a big yawn. "I'm tired, we can talk more about this tomorrow night okay?"

"Yeah sure," he laid back down.

I snuggled into the covers. Ew the panties were like right in front of me.

"Tom, would these be your souveneir?" I asked, flinging them at him.

"Woah...uh...yeah I think these are Bea's," he whispered, and giggled. Hahah he giggled like a girl.

"Wow Tom. Goodnight."

"You sure Bill won't think the wrong thing?" Tom asked.

"He better not," I declared, rolling my eyes. Maybe Bill was a bit paranoid at times.

"Ok. Night Tara."