What It Takes

"Mel!" Zacky called. I finally broke free of my trance and just wanted to leave.

"Baby, you're fucking scaring me!" He said comfortingly as he pulled me close. I quickly stood up.

" I gotta get out of here, I have to leave." I mumbled to myself.

"What? Leave? No, Mel you can't leave me like this! What is you problem?" He said as he tried to stand. I walked over to the dresser to get my keys but he reached them before I could.

" Please." He whispered with eyes flooded with tears and emotion. I ignored him and tried to take the keys from his hand.

" I beg, don't leave me!" He choked.

" I can't go through this again, I can't think the things I thought last time you left me." He continued. I looked at his teared up face and immediately fell into his arms. I sobbed like the little bitch I was being. He spoke not one word, he didn't need to, his face said it all. His face expression told me that he was hurt, sorry, confused, unloved, and worst of all he looked like he feared that I would leave.

How do I apologize after giving my boyfriend a roller coster of emotion? How do I apologize after hearing that he can't live without me? Where do I fucking start? Maybe now would be the time. He walked over to the bed and sat down. I was draining him but I didn't know whether I was doing it intentionally or not. He placed his face in his hands and huffed.

" I love you more then life. It's obvious, but I'm fucking tired of this shit. Do you want me or not?" He said.

" I fucking love you! Why can't you feel the same way? Please feel the same way." He pleaded. I sat down beside him and put my arm around him, but he pushed it off.

"Answer the question.......Please." He blurted out.

"I do." I whispered. " You do? Then why the fuck do you need to whisper it? Why do you need to leave? Why am I not what you want?" He yelled weakly.

" I LOVE YOU! Only you! OK? I don't know what to fucking do Zack. I can't go back in time, I wish I fucking could." I yelled back.

"Well same here!" He said.

"You fucking tried to kill yourself! How the hell am I suppose to live with that? You fucking love me so much, then why the fuck would you kill yourself? I love you." I whispered again as my voice grew hoarse.

" I need you. That's my reason. It's really fucking hard to breath when your only source of oxygen, is non-existent." He said reaching to hold my hand. I held his hand tightly and looked into his eyes.

"Baby, you need to rest." I said. He laid down with me beside him. We were laying just as we were when we had woke up.

" I'm sorry." I said into his ear.

" Don't be." He replyed. I felt his hand tangle into my hair gently as he pulled me closer to his lips. He kissed me and then closed his eyes and breathed out.

"If we made it through this... then maybe we can work things out." He said smoothly.

"We can and we will." I cooed. I noticed that beautiful smile, that I missed, return back to his lips. I held his hand. The same hand that I held in the hospital, the same hand with the wrist he slit, I held his left hand.

He was asleep and I was half asleep, when I heard a knock coming from the front door. I got from under Zack's arm slowly and headed downstairs to answer the door. "Hey!" I said as I opened the front door.

"Come on in, Fuck face." I continued.

"Oh is this what I get for putting up with your crying ass at the hospital?" Matt laughed as he pushed past me.

" Oh yeah make yourself at home." I said sarcastically.

"So how is he?.....How are you?" He asked as he picked up Zacky's dog, Ichabod.

"Um he's been better, but he's resting." I huffed out as I sat beside my brother on the couch. "And..... How are you?" He asked again.

"Uh I'm fine, I'm good, never been happier, never been better...so what brings you here?" I said as I glanced at him and then to the floor.

"You aren't! Mel don't try to play me like that. I know you, I'm your big brother....Come on we came out the same vagina. If you can't tell me what's wrong then who can you tell?" Matt replyed. He scrutinized my face, finding every emotion I was trying to hide. That's the fucking thing I hate about my brother, He's pretty adroit at reading my feelings.

" You need to get out of the house. Let's go spend some good ol' Sander's sibling time together, just you and me because I can tell you wanna talk." He said still examining my face.

" Matt, I can't leave. He needs me." I shouted softly.

"No, what you need is someone to talk to. You're stressed and you're fucking gonna go insane, sis." He said in the fatherly tone that I hated but slightly missed. Matt stood up and stretched.

"You're right, I've never been this stressed about something." I said with a confused look on my face.

" ....Or someone." I whispered to myself but I know Matt heard it by the expression on his face.

"We'll go out to lunch or something and talk. Mel you know you can tell me anything. You're my best friend and sister." He smiled. I felt good instantly when he said 'Best Friend.' I was always known as the annoying little sister, never a friend but a fiend.

"Let me go tell Zacky." I said. Matt nodded his head 'yes.' I walked up the stairs to the bedroom. Zack was laying there all propped up on pillows watching Batman.

"Hey honey, Matt's here and he wants....." He cut me off.

"He wants you to go to lunch because you're stressed, I know I heard the whole conversation." He forced a fake smile on. I got dressed and walked over to the bed and sat on the side. Zack looked at me with sad eyes. He looked defeated.

"I'm sorry I'm stressing you out." He said.

" It's not you, I'm just freaking myself out, I'll be back in an hour. I want you to rest, I love you." I said as gave him a small kiss.

"Take your time, Tell Matt to come talk to me when y'all get back. I love you to." He said in a tired manner. I walked downstairs and saw Matt rolling on the floor with Ichabod.

"Oh yes! You're such a handsome little boy, yes you are!" He cooed to Ichabod. I stood by the couch and watched.

"Uh are you ready to rock 'n roll, Matty?" I laughed as he tripped trying to get up.

"Yeah, Can I bring him? Can I?" He yelled like a little boy who wanted a lost mutt.

" Um NO! He needs to stay here with his father. Oh and Zack said he wants to talk to you when we get back" I said weirdly as I shoved him out the front door. We jumped in the car and took off.