Her New Disguise is Butterflies

October brought us Halloween. I stayed at home and handed out the year old Haribo mixture. Sacha was throwing a party, but Max and Matt were going, meaning Josh would also be there, despite Sacha trying to ban him from her house, just so I could attend. It still ached to hear his name.

November brought us Bonfire Night. I had only my winter coat, scarf and gloves to keep me warm whilst we watched the fireworks at the football ground. Sacha and Libby were cuddled up to their respective boyfriends, and even Polly had had a short week long fling with Rhys Maple. I had to avert my eyes to the sparks coming from the fireworks, ignoring Jenny trying to tempt Josh into a tongue battle.

December brought us Christmas. He sent me a present, which I didn't open. I simply threw it in the bin on the back garden after reading the tag that was attached to it. This month also brought the sad death of Peaches the hamster. You couldn't miss the happiness in Polly's eyes when I broke the sad news to her.

January brought us New Year. Everyone had a new year kiss, except for myself. Even Oliver smooched my new kitten. The kitten that was there to replace the loss of tragic Peaches. It simply wasn't the same. The kitten, who I'd named George, reminded me of Josh. It held the same look in it's eye whenever it saw the tin of Felix cat food, that Josh did when he laughed.

February brought my sixteenth birthday. Dad wanted to throw me a proper party, but I opted out, choosing to spend the day at the shopping centre, pretending to be happy. Pretending I was over him. When I clearly wasn't.
Six days after my birthday was Valentines day. He sent a card and a single white rose. Both of which are still collecting dust under my bed.

March brought along a panic attack when I realised how close my exams were. Everything was falling to pieces around me.

April brought last minute prom dress shopping. I managed to find one, plus shoes and tiny pointless clutch bag. In year ten I couldn't wait for the prom, but now, it seemed stupid. I didn't want to go at all. Not anymore. Not now I was destined to be alone.

May
I avoided Josh. I mean like swerving around corners, taking the long way to lessons, and avoiding him at all costs at lunchtime. He often sat looking across at us every so often, even more so since Max and Matt had taken it upon themselves to park their bums at our usual table now.

I'd gotten used to the constant flirting. The kisses, the arms around each other, the cuddling and taking forever to part. I usually blocked it out in my mind, ignoring them. It still ached, even though I plastered on a fake smile and pretended it didn't.

June
Was now. We're living in the present and forgetting the past. I've built a wall in my mind and Joshua Franceschi is going to stay behind it forever.

I frantically began checking the answers on my final maths paper. It's times like these I'd wished I'd listened to Mr Balmer instead of listening to Sacha and her stupid dilemmas, or eagerly waiting the punchline on one of Rhys Maple's incredibly funny, side splitting jokes.

I chewed my lip staring at the last page. What the hell was elevation? I don't remember any of this. Maybe I'd just chosen to forget. My breathing quickened and I could feel adrenalin pumping through my veins. I glanced at the clock to see only seconds remaining until the invigilator stopped us all, forcing us to close our papers and forget our mistakes, keeping us hanging on until the end of August.

I scribbled down the first thing that came to mind and closed the booklet, pushing it away from me. I didn't need to worry about it, dwelling on incorrect answers anymore. There was no point. What's done is done and we can't change that now. Not now Mr Field has stood up and told us our time was up, then he slowly motioned for the other useless articles that call themselves invigilators to collect our papers up.

I slumped down in my seat. Maybe, just maybe, I should take the same approach with Josh that I did with my GCSE maths paper.