Her New Disguise is Butterflies
18
I frowned at the emerald green prom dress that was protected by a crackly plastic cover. I walked over to it and poked the silver butterfly that was pinned into the silky material. I think if I poked hard enough it might just magically rip the entire thing to shreds, meaning I won't have to go to the stupid formal event tomorrow night. I wasn't up for sitting alone at a table whilst everyone else was off with their partners.
Even Polly had managed to get back with Rhys. For now. Their relationship had been on and off since we started school again after Christmas. Both of them wanted more than that week long fling they'd experienced, but neither was ready for any kind of commitment. I'd tried telling Polly that, but she'd just brushed my theory off, calling it nonsense. Apparently, I have no idea.
I picked up the cardboard box that was on the floor at the end of my bed, opening it up and pulling out my shoes for the prom. I stuffed the tissue paper back inside the box and put it back on the floor. I pushed my sock clad feet into the shoes. If my feet were going to survive tomorrow night, they better get used to these shoes.
I glanced across at the pile of text books I had to take back into school tomorrow morning. The one's I would never need to open again, and the one's I hadn't purchased. Well, the one's dad or Joanne hadn't forked out for. I chewed my lip, knowing one was missing. It was one the science department would probably miss as well. It would only give Mrs Thorpe more ammunition against me if my name wasn't ticked off the list for handing in the higher level GCSE chemistry book.
Sliding off my bed, I crawled around on the floor, searching for the book I'd only looked at once. I mean we had got it last October, like we desperately needed it back then. So, I just discarded it anywhere. It probably didn't help that my room looked like World War Three had broken out inside it.
I pushed my fringe out of my face and pulled up my duvet, revealing the horror of what laid underneath my bed. Papers I'd ripped from my notebook, covered in graffiti were decorated with dust. A few of my old stuffed toys were lurking about, and of course, barely recognisable was the white rose, still wrapped in plastic, along with the white envelope with my name scrawled on the front.
I reached under and pulled both objects out, blowing the dust off the rose and the card. I placed the rose on my bed and ripped the envelope open. The card was simple, with the usual Valentine's day title, and an image of various flowers. So Josh hadn't opted for a sarcastic and funny one then.
I opened it up, expecting to be met with a simple message about having a happy Valentine's day. But what met my eyes was the exact opposite.
Bliss,
I know you probably hate me, but I just need to tell you. Back in September you didn't stick around to hear what I had to say for myself. I liked you back. I really did. Everything you did made me laugh or smile, even if you thought it was embarrassing. I even saw the funny side of the puking incident.
I'm so sorry I hurt you. I can't even begin to imagine how I made you feel and I hate myself for making you feel that way.
When I said things between me and Jenny were complicated, I meant it. It is complicated and over time it's only getting worse. My feelings for you have intensified, and by having her around, well, it's only making it worse for me. I'd rather be alone than be with her, and I'd rather be with you than be alone.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Love,
Josh x
Bliss, you fool. Why couldn't I have just opened it months ago? Things could be totally different now. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. Just when I begin to feel okay again, something comes up that holds me back.
I glanced up at my prom dress. Determined that tomorrow night would be amazing. With or without Josh.
Even Polly had managed to get back with Rhys. For now. Their relationship had been on and off since we started school again after Christmas. Both of them wanted more than that week long fling they'd experienced, but neither was ready for any kind of commitment. I'd tried telling Polly that, but she'd just brushed my theory off, calling it nonsense. Apparently, I have no idea.
I picked up the cardboard box that was on the floor at the end of my bed, opening it up and pulling out my shoes for the prom. I stuffed the tissue paper back inside the box and put it back on the floor. I pushed my sock clad feet into the shoes. If my feet were going to survive tomorrow night, they better get used to these shoes.
I glanced across at the pile of text books I had to take back into school tomorrow morning. The one's I would never need to open again, and the one's I hadn't purchased. Well, the one's dad or Joanne hadn't forked out for. I chewed my lip, knowing one was missing. It was one the science department would probably miss as well. It would only give Mrs Thorpe more ammunition against me if my name wasn't ticked off the list for handing in the higher level GCSE chemistry book.
Sliding off my bed, I crawled around on the floor, searching for the book I'd only looked at once. I mean we had got it last October, like we desperately needed it back then. So, I just discarded it anywhere. It probably didn't help that my room looked like World War Three had broken out inside it.
I pushed my fringe out of my face and pulled up my duvet, revealing the horror of what laid underneath my bed. Papers I'd ripped from my notebook, covered in graffiti were decorated with dust. A few of my old stuffed toys were lurking about, and of course, barely recognisable was the white rose, still wrapped in plastic, along with the white envelope with my name scrawled on the front.
I reached under and pulled both objects out, blowing the dust off the rose and the card. I placed the rose on my bed and ripped the envelope open. The card was simple, with the usual Valentine's day title, and an image of various flowers. So Josh hadn't opted for a sarcastic and funny one then.
I opened it up, expecting to be met with a simple message about having a happy Valentine's day. But what met my eyes was the exact opposite.
Bliss,
I know you probably hate me, but I just need to tell you. Back in September you didn't stick around to hear what I had to say for myself. I liked you back. I really did. Everything you did made me laugh or smile, even if you thought it was embarrassing. I even saw the funny side of the puking incident.
I'm so sorry I hurt you. I can't even begin to imagine how I made you feel and I hate myself for making you feel that way.
When I said things between me and Jenny were complicated, I meant it. It is complicated and over time it's only getting worse. My feelings for you have intensified, and by having her around, well, it's only making it worse for me. I'd rather be alone than be with her, and I'd rather be with you than be alone.
Happy Valentine's Day.
Love,
Josh x
Bliss, you fool. Why couldn't I have just opened it months ago? Things could be totally different now. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. Just when I begin to feel okay again, something comes up that holds me back.
I glanced up at my prom dress. Determined that tomorrow night would be amazing. With or without Josh.