Five O' Clock Shadow

I looked at my texts after I hung up with Travis. One was from Brian, one from my mother asking why I screamed before, and two were from Mylo.

I ignored Brian, on account of it being a drunken text asking me if sombreros were fashionable or something, texted my mother back saying I stubbed my toe, and read Mylo's a few times without responding.

The first text read: "I didn't mean to embarass you. I'm sorry if I gave you mixed signals."

The second read: "I'm confused about this. I just don't know."

I didn't know how to reply. So I didn't. I thought back on the night to all of his "signals" he may have sent me. Holding my hand, touching me, sitting close. I realized that these are things most people do. I liked him so much that I was tricking myself into thinking he was into me. I mean, there are condoms in the back of his car! Do gay guys even use condoms? And he never told me he was gay. Obviously, being the person he is, he would be completely open about it.

How do I explain the second text though. "I'm confused?!" "I just don't know?!" This was so frustrating! I was never going to get to sleep. It was now almost morning. Sunday, then Monday I have to see Mylo again. He will probably avoid me and act like we were never associated to begin with. That's what I did with Travis. I don't have Travis's guts to try to get him to talk to me again.

I got another text. I opened it quickly, but it was from Travis.

"I can't go back to sleep. LOL."

I answered back "Haha. My bad." Then thought how to phrase the next sentence so that I wouldn't be giving mixed signals. "I'm bored. Want to sneak out? I can come pick you up."

I hope he hadn't read that the wrong way. "Yeah. Text when you are here."

Seeing as how I was already dressed, I snuck out my door, crept down the stairs and started my car silently, making my way to Travis's house.

**

When he closed the car door behind him, I already had a question in mind to avoid the awkwardness.

"Where do you want to go?"

"I don't know. What the hell is open around here at 4 o' clock in the morning? Let's just drive around."

"Alright," I said, backing slowly out of his driveway.

"Have you slept at all?" he asked.

"Nope. Got a lot on my mind."

"Yeah. I hate that."

"I would love a beer right now. Or a cigarette."

"I have a cigarette if you want to light up."

"Yes please!" I said excitedly. As I took my first drag he started talking again.

"So what's on your mind that is keeping you from sleeping?"

I hesitated and thought of how to say it without being selfish. "Well. I finally admitted to myself who I am."

"And that is..." he said playfully.

"Gay," I rolled my eyes makng sure he could see.

"Just wanted to hear you say it. I may have to hold it to you."

"I may ask you too. I'm trying to stop being such an asshole. The past is the past. Only I can control my present. And random shit. But whatever."

"Glad to hear you say that, Lukie."

We drove around for about 45 minutes, talking about nothing in particular. His dog. The weather. My favorite band. It wasn't like we were best buds, but it was a start. When I dropped him off I was happy I decided to call him. And when I got home, I went to bed and slept until four in the afternoon.