Five O' Clock Shadow

I couldn't keep my mind on anything but Mylo the whole day. Whenever he crept into my mind I smacked him away. The effort was useless, I was beginning to become crazy about him.

When Lucy got over being mad at me, I tried my best to act natural but I knew it was pointless because I'm obviously so easy to read. I couldn't deny it anymore, I'm gay. I'm gay, and I have a girlfriend who I love. I love Lucy, to the core of me. I care about her so much I just couldn't be in love with her. No matter how hard I tried it was a waste of time, and I hated myself for doing that to her.

Lucy was the kind of person who would never hurt a fly. She was always trying to help other people, always doing kind deeds. I used her to hide away from myself. Of all the people I could have been with, why did it have to be someone so understanding and caring as Lucy? I couldn't put her through it any longer.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked Lucy at lunch. She had just finished answering Mylo's "What's the highest number you know of?" question.

"We are," she joked. A smile lit up on her face that made my heart sink.

I smiled back. "I mean in private."

"Sure," she answered, flying up and taking my hand. I steered her to the other side of the cafeteria that was mostly empty.

"What's up?" she asked, still smiling.

I took a deep breathe and reminded myself that I had to do this for myself, but mostly for her. "I think we should break up."

The smile fell from her face immediately. She looked confused. "Why?"

"I'm sorry. Lucy I care about you so much, and you're the best friend I've ever had but I think that's all we can be."

"Friends?" she asked.

"I wish it could be different," I told her truthfully.

Some tears escaped her eyes as she nodded. I felt myself getting choked up too and I couldn't hide it, I cried with her a little bit. I'd had the worst day in my entire life, I've admitted to myself who I am, and I had to end it by hurting someone that I wish to never hurt again. She stood up and hugged me, and I hugged her back.

"I love you," she told me.

"I love you too, I'm just not in love with you."

She sniffed and wiped away her tears with her sweatshirt sleeve. "Friends, right?"

"Best Friends."

"I'm gonna go find Laura, you go back and eat. I already finished," she said walking away, although I knew she hadn't even started yet. Before I could answer she was jogging up the stairs, her red hair bouncing even in her sadness.

I turned around to see Mylo staring at me intently. His eyes were sad, but when he noticed i saw him staring at me he gave a little smile and a half wave.

I decided it was time to go home early.