Screw You I'm a Rock Star

"Eee!" Was the response I got from my two band mates after I told them about Frankie and mines date.

I was officially Frankie's girlfriend. I told them everything that went on, on the date. Everything except the fact that Brian was basically staking out at the bar. That part was the only thing I left off.

As I was telling them the story a smile was playing constantly on my face, but in true reality I was perplexed. I didn't know what caused me to feel that way, not until I finished telling them the end of the story. The part where Frankie kissed me. And that’s when I started to frown and my true emotions let out. It wasn't until Kat and Jesse were done with their gleeful moment that they saw the flaw in my face. Then they frowned also. More of confusing then disappointment.

"What is it? Dude, you should be happy! Your finally going out with Frankie, officially," Kat exclaimed.

"I know but…I don't know!" I yelled exasperated. "It just…it was the kiss."

"What about the kiss?" Jesse asked.

"It wasn't…"I paused for a moment before I continued. "It just wasn't what I expected it to be."

"What were you expecting, Michelle?" Kat said. "Fireworks?"

I blushed slightly. "Sort of…" I mumbled. "I mean it didn't have to be an extravagant kiss, just special. I mean its always special when I like a guy. I like Frankie, I don't know why it wasn't…y'know, special."

Jesse rolled her eyes. "Yeah special. This is the 21st century, doll, love doesn't exist anymore." She said.

I shrugged. "I guess your right." I muttered.

After that they instantly dropped the subject. They began talking about other matters but I wasn't that interested. The whole kiss thing still bothered me. I mean was their something wrong with me?

Understand that a kiss with a guy usually doesn't mean anything to me. But that fact of the matter is, is that when I kissed Frank I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing and that's what really bothers me the most. I stood there forever, in the bus, trying to figure out what the problem is. I mean all the other kisses with guys I felt something. Well all except…

And that’s when I thought of something that instantly made me want to barf. Well it really made me have mix feelings. All of which include: feeling of nausea, bewilderment, hysterics, and the urge to cry. What made me react so awfully?

The fact that I felt more in the kiss that Brian gave me rather then Frank's. And that in itself made me want to do everything. I wanted to cry, scream, puke, and just plain out lose myself in hysterics. But all I did was stare blankly at that wall, or whatever the hell was in front of me.

"I can't believe it…" I mused.

Kat and Jesse stopped whatever they were talking about and directed their attention at me.

"What?" they asked in a unison.

"I think…I think I need some fresh air," I simply said.

I figured my internal issues were too out of control that even my two best friends couldn't do anything about it. So I decided not to burden them with my epiphany. My awful epiphany.

As I walked outside the bus I took a deep breath of the fresh oxygen. I shook my head and walked to the side of the bus. I leaned against is and slid down until my butt, literally, fell and hit the ground.

"Ow," I mumbled. "Maybe not a smart thing to do…"

"Eh, I never figured you as a person with common sense," I heard a voice say.

I looked up and saw my worst nightmares.

"Go away Brian," I said as I looked down at my lap and fiddled with my fingers.

"Wow, I haven't heard that one before," he said sarcastically.

I sighed but I didn't reply to his statement. I couldn't even look at him. This whole situation was just awful. Plain out awful! And frustrating too. You know why it was frustrating? The fact that I don't know why its frustrating! Yeah, I know, confusing. You'd have to live in my head to understand sometimes.

"Look I just came to say I'm sorry I interrupted your date earlier today," He whispered.

I snorted. "Yeah right," I said.

"I'm telling you the truth, I really am sorry. It'd help a lot if you weren't such a bitch all the time."

I stood up instantly and stared at him square in the eye and then I slapped him.

"I swear Haner, you are the most fucking annoying person in the world! Why the hell do you even keep bothering me? Is it because you want a quick fuck? Or is it because I'm the only damn girl who even looks at your damn fucking pathetic direction? Is that it? Or maybe you just love ruining my life, you love it so much that you can't wait until one day I finally fucking break down! Well guess what? I'm breaking down!" I yelled.

"I like you…"

"What?" I said.

"I like you," He said it much slower and with emphasis.

I looked at him dumbfounded which cause him to roll his eyes and sigh.

"I only act like an asshole because I don't know any other way to react when I'm around you. Your different and its scary. I'm so used to having every girl fall for me that its hard when I have to be the one who has to try hard to get your attention and not the other way around. I like you a lot and its kind of scary," Brian sighed and directed his gaze to the ground.

I didn’t know how to react. All this time I really did think he was just an asshole trying to get in my pants and at the same time trying to annoy the living hell out of me. But as he poured his truth out…it was bizarre. Here's Synyster Gates, one of the top rock stars, and sensitive enough right now to be a teddy bear. It was scary.

So you know how I reacted? I laughed.

I laughed my butt off until I literally on the floor clutching to my sides because it hurt so much.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I pour my fucking heart out and she laughs. I guess I deserve it, I'd laugh at me too." He mumbled to himself.

It took a few seconds before I gained control and stopped laughing. I looked up and saw him in a deep pensive state. His eyes were closed and his arms were crossed. I felt slightly guilty. I made him feel like a complete idiot. But could you really blame me? I didn't know how else to take this whole thing in.

I got up and brushed myself off.

"You do deserve it," I said which caused him open his eyes and look at me. "Through all the hell you've put me through these past few weeks. You really do deserve it."

He shrugged in agreement.

The next thing I did I should probably shoot myself for. It broke every rule I set up for myself and it was also just plain out wrong. It was stupid, childish, and completely disloyal. But at the same time it felt right.

I kissed him. I kissed him first. And I admit it, I liked it.

But at the same time I felt guilty. Wasn’t' I the girl who was just throwing herself to another guitarist a few hours a ago? What the hell am I doing? I'm with Frankie now! But I couldn't stop. As I felt his tongue dance with mine and as our lips massaged the other I felt a great dose of euphoria and I couldn't stop. I loved how he taste and I loved how he smelled. It was ridiculous! But at the same time sensible. Stupid but still fun. And I hated myself for liking this. So much that it made me hate Brian so much more.

I hate him for making me like him. Making me love his touch, his smell, and his well being. I hate him making me admit these feelings that I locked up for so long. I hate him.

After a few moments of making out we separated to supply our oxygen. We were both panting furiously and we stared at each other with the same expression. Perplexity. We couldn't believe what had just taken place. The fact that that kiss meant more then all the others. I hated it.

"What are we gonna do?" I panted.

"I don't know," he said as he hungrily kissed my lips again, but I pulled him away soon after.

"I'm serious, what will people think?" I asked.

"Screw them, because now your mine," he smirked and kissed me again. This time I didn't pull away.

And you know what was also bad about this? I actually love his stupid smirk now.

I'm fucked.