Screw You I'm a Rock Star

It was never like this before, not with another guy. When I'm with him I feel like I can just be myself and not worry whether I'm leaving a good impression. I don't have to be that girl every other guy expects me to be. The one who doesn't burp, or cuss, or even knows how to lay a good punch. With him I wasn't afraid to show myself. With him I let my walls down and it was scaring the living crap out of me. Cause I knew once I let my barrier down they'd hurt me, it's happened before. What's to say it won't happen again? But I didn't want to put up that barrier, I wanted him to see the real me and accept me the way I am. Isn't that what every girl wants, to just be accepted? Who knew it would be so hard to just find one guy that could do just that. And who knew how incredibly fast a guy could over take my whole life. Lately I haven't been acting like myself. Kat thought it was her own fault, that all my weirdness was caused do to the stress from the tour. In reality, I came face to face with my fear and admitted my fault. I was in love.

Ever since I realized that awful truth I did everything I could to keep Brian away. I ignored his phone calls on purpose and lie about them later and when he texted I'd simply tell him I was busy. Kat suggested that we take a break or a mini vacation since we weren't going on road for a little over two days since we had two concerts in Los Angeles. Jesse invited us all to hang out with her at the beach. With much persuading, I finally agreed.

"I'm starting to miss my old hair," Kat pouted as she raked her fingers through her short black hair.

I gave her a silent laugh as I placed my sunglasses on the tip of my nose and I pushed them up with my index finger.

"I'm serious! I've never cut my hair before we were a band."

"Ha yea, I remembered how everyone freaked when you first cut your hair really short. No one could believe it, since you always wore it long. What a hilarious day," I said as I laughed at the remembrance.

"Oh my God!" Jesse yelled from afar. She was the only one who was willing to go into the water out of the three of us. I would've but my thoughts about Brian just drained all the energy I had.

"What? Did you lose your bottom bikini again?" Kat said in a monotonous voice as she looked down at her magazine.

"Kat, babe, you know that only happens in the bedroom," Jesse teased.

I looked over at Kat who just rolled her eyes. I laughed.

"But seriously, what is it?"

"Oh nothing, I just found a seashell," Jesse said smiling as she held up the small shell while walking towards us dripping wet.

"Jesse, there are millions of seashells on this beach. You do realize this, don't you?" Kat stated matter-of-factly.

"Yeah but, this ones special." Jesse defended.

"How so?" I asked.

"It's different then all of the others, its way prettier."

Kat and I looked at each other. We obviously failed to see the difference between the shell she held between her fingers and the millions of others that looked similar that laid on the sand. We shrugged and decided to let the case go. It wasn't any use with Jesse. Soon after she just ran back into the water, splashing away in the waves without a care in the world.

"So how are you and Brian doing?" Kat asked, her gaze never leaving her AP Magazine.

"Uh….great," I lied.

"Yea uh-huh. So why the hell has your stupid boyfriend called my phone about a million times asking to talk to you. Either your avoiding him, or he really isn't getting it."

I bit my lip before answering. "I'm having some doubts."

She sighed and placed her magazine down before turning her whole body towards me. She looked at me with serious eyes that made we squirm in my seat.

"Michelle," She began. "everyone gets scared when they fall in love."

"What?" I yelled hysterically. "you think I'm in love?"

Kat gave me a look that told me she could see straight through my façade. I bit my lip and averted my eyes to the ground. We sat there in silence until I took a deep breath and sighed.

"I don't know," I said softly. "It's just so scary, you know? The last this happened I had my fucking heart broken and it was with a musician, too." I smiled foolishly as I raked my fingers through my hair.

"I don't want to get hurt again," I said as I looked up at Kat who had an understanding smile. "I guess that's why I hated Brian so much in the beginning. I think I knew that if I didn't hate him, I'd end up loving him instead. I feel like such an idiot right now. What do I do?"

"Oh no," Kat began. "every time I give you advice you completely ignore it and do the stupid decision you were set out on doing in the first place."

"I do, don't I?" I smiled slightly.

"Yeah, that's probably why I hated all of your boyfriends. They were all idiots, jerks, and retards. Brian's the only one that's decent."

"What?" I said astonished. "You, Katherine Lee Romano, actually think one of my boyfriends is decent?"

She laughed and leaned back against her seat. She closed her eyes as she laid back, a smile softly placed on her face the whole time.

"Yeah. I see a lot of you in him. That's probably why I like him." She said with a shrug.

"Really," I said arching an eyebrow. "like what?"

"You're both stubborn, you guys don't listen to anything people tell you, and neither of you know your limits with alcohol."

That made me laugh.

"I guess you're right. Remind me never to drink again," I said.

"Will do."

"So what do I about Brian?"

"Dunno."

"Oh, the one time I'm actually willing to receive some advice, you don't have any? What the fuck!"

She laughed and shrugged as she picked up the magazine in her lap. "This one's a tough call."

"Your awful," I said. "completely awful."

"But you love me."

"Naturally."

"Just tell him how you feel. How you truly feel."

"You know I'm not good with emotional stuff!"

Kat got out her sunglasses and placed them before her eyes before answering. "That's probably why I always feel like you’re the one wearing the pants in every one of your relationships."

"Haha, but this is serious. I can't just upright tell him."

"Sure you can."

"Don't you have any other advice, Kat?"

"Umm…" she pursed her lips as she thought. "Don't Worry, be happy."

"Bitch." I said as I grabbed my stuff and ran to my car. I could hear Jesse calling after me and questioning my actions. But to tell you the truth, I don't even know what I'm doing. I just know who I have to be with.

This time I won't ignore Kat's advice.