Just a Freak

The wedding is this weekend.

Boy, am I excited!

So excited I could put a gun to my head.

Mom's got herself a dress, this cocktail pink thing.

And I'm stuck with her old Alice Sweet Alice communion dress.

It was some holiday today.

No idea what.

I don't really care either.

All I know is there was no school today.

So I invited Caleb over.

And Mom kept giving me these looks.

You know. These kind of I Know There's Something Between You Two.

And there isn't.

So that gets pretty fucking annoying.

Caleb and I just kind of hung out in my room.

He thinks it's cool how it's kind of a seperate place. His house, he says, is set up all super organized and stuff. He just has regular old hallways and rooms. But he has his own bathroom, which he says is nice.

He told me he was jealous I was an only child.

I don't know what happened.

I just started crying.

Like, really fucking hard. I was embarassed, yeah. I hate crying. I haven't cried in ages.

But I started crying.

The kind of crying where you're hiccuping and hysterical and can't even fucking talk without sounding like a pathetic, blubbering mess.

At first, Caleb looked scared straight. Like a deer in headlights, you know?

And then he hugged me. He's such a doll.

The good kind of doll.

I don't really know what else to say about that. I was just kind of crying and he was just kind of hugging me.

After a while I calmed down and just kind of sniffed and hiccuped every once in awhile. He even ran to my bathroom and filled me a glass of water.

I adore him.

"I'm sorry, I'm such a spaz," I apologized. "It's just, I, um, a couple years ago--" Shudder. "My little brother, he... he, um..." I started crying again.

God, and I thought I'd just finished.

"It's, it's okay. I get it." He hugged me again.

It felt so weird. Talking about Bobby and not talking about him.

I don't think I can explain the feeling. It was too new.

I calmed down again after a bit and we listened to music and made small talk.

You know, small talk. It fell into a conversation about Mrs. Hannon's upper lip hair.

"It's a frigging moustache, she's got up there."

"You should make her moustache out of clay next time."

That cracked me up. I couldn't even believe he remembered me telling him about making Freddie's moustache out of clay.

I dug the old 'stache out of one of my drawers and gave it to him.

"It's so realistic, I might throw up." Caleb grinned at me.

We got hungry and went downstairs.

"Finally."

Mom.

Nana.

"What were you two doing up there?"

"Talking. And listening to music," I snapped.

I made us popcorn.

"Riley, sweetie, why don't you show your friend Caleb your pretty dress?"

I hate you Mom.

"No."

"Aw, come one," Mom said.

"Go ahead, Shannon, show it to him," Nana said.

Caleb shrugged. "Why not?"

God help me.

"It's pretty," Caleb said when we were back up in my room. "I think you'll look really pretty in it. Really, Riley."

I shook my head. "I hate it."

"No, you'll look pretty."

He's a doll.

His brother came to pick him up.

His brother is dead different from Caleb.

They look a lot alike, but Caleb's brother looks all big and confident. He's a senior, and he's on the football team.

The irony made me laugh.

With a Soccor Mom and Jock Brother, where the Hell did Caleb come from?

Caleb kind of shrunk into this shy little ball of misery when his brother came around.

Mom loved Caleb's brother.

His name is Jack.

Jack made jokes and laughed really loud and smiled and looked happy.

And Caleb was just kind of hiding behind him. It makes me wonder about his family.

And his mental case-ness.

I still haven't figured out what was on his arms.

And after spilling my guts about Bobby, he better fucking tell me, or I'll pound his face in.

I really fucking will.