Just a Freak

Happy Saturday.

Wedding day tomorrow.

Please, God, please send a devasting hurricane so I can miss it.

Caleb invited me over his house.

I accepted.

I still felt really bad about yelling at him.

Mom dropped me off in front of Caleb's house.

Holy fucking smokes.

It was...

Big.

It wasn't, like, a mansion, but it was still really big.

Whoah. Like, how many people freaking live in his family for such a big house?

They must be rolling in cash.

"Hi, Riley!"

Mrs. Amherst.

Clad in a light blue track suit. Velour light blue track suit.

God.

"How are you, sweetheart!?"

Everything she says needs an exclamation point.

The inside was just a fucking big as the outside.

"Caleb! Your little girlfriend Riley is here!"

"She's not my girlfriend," he mumbled as he walked down the big ass stairs in the middle of the hall.

"Hi, Riley," he said, chewing on the sleeve of his sweatshirt.

"Hey, K."

"Well," Mrs. Amherst said. "I'll just leave you kids alone. I'll be jogging, kiddo, I'll be back in half an hour."

She kissed Caleb on the cheek and left a lipstick mark.

"Wanna go up in my room?" He asked me.

"Is it normal, or super-sized like the rest of your house?"

He laughed.

"I'm sorry," he said. "Sometimes I wish my house wasn't so big."

"Why? You're more nutty than I am sometimes. I'd love to have your big ass house."

His room was, indeed, super-sized.

Some dark haired chick was in there vacuuming.

"Salut, Caleb," She waved.

"Salut, Babs," He waved back.

"That's Babette," He explained. "She's our maid. She's French."

Babs left after she finished vacuuming and we flopped down onto his bed.

Which was also big ass.

"So, dude, what does your Dad do for all this money?" I asked.

"He's a doctor."

"Oh, well, that explains it," I said breathlessly. "Can I slide down your staircase's banister?"

"My Mom would kill you. And serve your for dinner."

"Oh, damn." I jumped up and made my way over to his CD collection.

"Huh, what've your got here... Rocket to Russia, Led Zeppelin IV, Live at Wembley '86, the White Album-- Nice, let's put that on."

So I did.

And we kind of sat there listening to it.

Until Caleb said, "Can I tell you something?"

"Sure, K."

"Um," he hesitated. "I'm gay."

"For reals?"

"Yeah."

"Huh. Cools."

We sat there quiet for a little bit more.

"Do you, uh, think that's weird?"

"Weird is a compliment," I grinned.

"Well, you know what I mean."

"Yeah. I don't think it's a bad thing, if that's what you mean. I'd love to be a gay dude. It lookes like a lot of fun."

"It's not."

"Well, it could be. I mean, those gay bars look like a helluva lot of fun."

"I don't think I'd want to go to one."

"You should. I would."

"Don't tell anyone, okay?"

"Who'd I have to tell? Wait, could I tell my mom?"

"No. Why?"

"So she doesn't keep asking me if you're my boyfriend."

Caleb laughed. "My mom is the same way. But it's worse for me, because I don't even like girls."

"If you were straight, would you like me?"

"I don't know. Maybe. Probably."

It made me think of Mr. Geiger again.

Damn him.

Damn him and his wife.

Mrs. Amherst burst in with a bowl of popcorn.

God, she is annoying.

But I do like popcorn.

It made me wonder what she would do if she knew Caleb was gay.

Did she know?

Caleb's got a TV in his room.

We watched Across the Universe. I didn't even know there was a movie about the Beatles.

It had the kind of concept We Will Rock You had, where they took a bunch of songs by the band and put together a story line with them.

You'd think it was some smutty Chick Flick, but it's good. It's like HAIR, only with less hippies.

Which sucks, 'cause hippies are the bomb.

It's pretty cool.

There was a scene with this lesbian named a Prudence and I had to ask.

"Do your parents know?"

"No."

I'd never known a gay person before.

Not that that changes the way I see Caleb.

But still.

Mrs. Amherst kept running up with Coca-Cola and candy and shit.

I really should come here more often.