Just a Freak

Empty

I dunno.

It just.... kind of happened.

How else do you explain this kind of shit?

Dirk and his buddies invited me to this party. It wasn't really a party.

It was more like a bunch of people hanging around near this lake.

It was cool, though, because there were cars everywhere and one guy had a grill going and someone brought a sheet and a projector and was playing some movie.

It's hard to explain what it was, but it was great. There was a bonfire and when it got dark, it got really exciting.

Dirk isn't his real name, by the way. It's actually Derek, but he goes by Dirk.

Weird, huh?

Anyway, I never really thought I'd find myself in this situation.

You know?

I can brag to K, now, but.....

I guess I never really saw myself doing something like this.

And even hours afterwards I still can't grasp it.

It's like, I did that?

Me?

I never really had what you can call innocence. I always felt above the other kids. Smarter than them, more mature.

I never really felt innocent.

It's funny, how it takes giving a guy a blowjob in the back of his van to make someone feel innocent.

Most girls would feel slutty.

I feel innocent.

And naive.

Why?

I just went up to my room and chilled out with Mikey.

Seeing my Mom and Nana would be just way to weird after what happened, you know?

I can tell Mikey anything.

He's a cat.

He can't squeal if he wanted to, you know?

I feel a change in me.

I've skipped the last two days of school.

Why?

Dirk.

I haven't even moshed in the halls in weeks.

Why?

I don't even know.

Caleb and I haven't had one of those Peer Counseling sessions in awhile.

Why?

Connie stopped them.

Mrs. Fritz, I mean.

Wow.

I'm lying here on my bed and I feel empty.

I feel like I'm missing something.

I just feel so empty.
♠ ♠ ♠
Comments!
Also, READ THIS BECAUSE IT'S EXTREMELY IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have another story which I'd like you guys to check out, here:
The Fall