Just a Freak

Underbelly

I've never told the Fritz about my father.

Maybe that's because there's part of me that still hopes he'll go back to the way he used to be before Mom died, before she got sick. Sometimes I'll be so close to telling Fritz that I'll stop mid sentence. Sometimes I wish I had the courage to say something. I don't have the heart.

Ever since I was very little I was "that boy". My counselors told my parents I was sensitive, creative, different. A package to be handled with care.

Well, alright. That last bit was pretty perverted. But that's really how I was. How I still am.

I mean, you may look at me and think "Alright, I should stay away from this kid. He's probably a hardcore JD with a life sentence set in the future". And maybe in some ways you're right.

But maybe in some ways you're wrong.

Because having issues either hardens you or softens you.

But being hardened always has a tender underbelly, just as the softness has an unexpected protective shell. Because we adapt differently, but inside I'll always be screaming for attention.

I was once told I spoke articulately. I stopped talking so much. Avoiding things that might cause you more pain, making yourself look tougher than you are. That's what happens.

And you know what?

It's a terrible thing.

And when it overflows, when there's too much to handle, you begin to feel out of control. You do things normal people don't. Some people drink. I sway towards violence, and I mean that in every sense in the word. Towards myself, towards others.

In gives me a sense of control.
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This is probably the only chapter not in Riley's perseptive, now and later. I did it because you guys were very curious about Dirk, and I decided to treat you.
Don't worry, Riley'll be back next chapter and you'll find out what's up with Caleb.

Comments?

By the way, most updates will probably be on the weekend because I started school.