Sequel: Hope

Purple Hearts

Billie's Back

“You’ll get lead poisoning if you chew on that pencil for much longer,” he said.

I turned towards him, I couldn’t hide the smile that erupted on my face and I wasn’t sure if I’d outwardly gasped but inside I had and my heart had stopped I was sure it had stopped for how long I wasn’t sure but now it was beating fast again, beating fast as if to catch up from the lost beats.

“That’s what you always say to me when I chew on my pencils,” he said grinning. Fuck I’d missed seeing him smile, especially when that smiled was just aimed for me.

He looked different somehow. He had on his leather jacket zipped up to the top, he wore his usual pair of black jeans and he had his guitar, Blue strapped to his back and a holdall was in his hands. His hair was long, poking out from a baseball cap, his green eyes sparkling in his weather beaten face and he had a few days worth of stubble.

Suddenly I got up from the table and stood there and we kind of looked awkwardly at each other, just taking each other in.

“Can I get you a drink?” I said to him. “Beer?”

“You say the best things,” said Billie putting his holdall down then reaching round to take his guitar off his back to lay it down.

I went off up the stairs to the kitchen and as I got to the top I had to compose myself. Billie was back and it had shocked me. I thought back to the last time I’d seen him. It was when I was saying goodbye, before I went off to England and he’d turned and looked at me, just after he told me he still loved me. That look had been imprinted on my brain ever since and now he was back again and I didn’t know how I felt.

The phone rang in the Kitchen so I just went over to pick up. It was Dad.

“Sweetheart, I shall be leaving soon, Grandma has kept us busy with some old photographs. I’ll be with you in an hour, oh and did I leave my phone there?”

“Yes you did.”

“Oh that’s good, for a while I thought I’d lost it. See you later on blue eyes,” he said then was gone.

I made myself a coffee and got a beer out of the fridge for Billie and was amazed to find that my hands were slightly shaking as I carried the drinks down to the basement.

Billie had taken his jacket off and had flung it over the chair in which I’d been sitting. Had he taken a look at my writing? I thought to myself.

He was looking at some of the band pictures on the wall and he had on a t-shirt, it was one of my favourites. It was the Misfits one, years old and so familiar to me but I noticed it was more crumpled than usual.

There had been no Adie around to iron it for him.

“Here you are, one beer,” I said laying it down on the coffee table. He didn’t look, just carried on looking at the Green Day pictures.

“So…” I said slightly unnerved by his silence. “Um… are you OK?” I said to him sitting down on the sofa, then yawning.

He turned then; he seemed to have been in a daze, miles away.

“Um…I’m good Franky and you… you look almost glowing,” he said coming over and sitting down alongside me.

Glowing. That was the kind of phrase people often used on pregnant women. Glowing.

“Oh do I? Thanks,” I said yawning but I must admit I’m a little tired, I’ve been busy.”

“So I hear,” said Billie reaching for his beer, “and also busy finding yourself a fiancée,” he said leaning back on the sofa and taking a drink from the bottle. “Congratulations,” he said looking at me.

I didn’t know how to react. “Thanks,” I said.

“So… when’s the big day?” he asked but suddenly I couldn’t meet his eyes so reached over for my coffee, my fingers were still shaking.

“We haven’t set a date yet,” I said to him.

But it will probably be after the baby is born..

“He’s a good guy Gerard, I’m sure he’ll look after you just fine,” he said taking another drink from his beer.

“Yes he is.” I said then I had to ask him, I needed to know.

”Where have you been Billie?” I asked quite gently, “does Adrienne and the boys know you’re back?”

“No, I just passed by here, saw your car out front and thought I’d check in. How was your trip to London?”

”The trip was great and Charlie has come back to live here in California. He’s looking for work but I have a feeling he may have found something.”

“Good on Charlie,” said Billie, “its about time he came over, every time I saw him I told him that this is where he should be, he’s a talented photographer. I saw the shots he took of you guys oh and hey, congratulations at getting to no. 1. You deserved it.”

“Thanks Billie, it’s been so busy,” I said getting up and going over to the table just to tidy away my things.

Then I could hear him coming up behind me and he spoke.

“Franky are you OK?” he said but before I could finish I burst into tears. He came up close behind me and put his hands on my shoulders, his hands felt warm and firm through my t-shirt.

”Billie, there is something I should tell you.” I said to him. I just had to; I had to tell him for some very strange reason.

“What’s that sweetheart,” he said turning me around to look at him with his familiar green eyes that I’d missed seeing for a while.

“I’m having a baby,” I practically whispered and looked down, my eyes fixed on his punk belt and the way it was always twisted round to the side.

“Hey, you’ll make a great Mum, congratulations to the both of you and Gerard will make a fantastic Dad, for fuck sake Franky, you’ll sure have a good looking baby between the both of you.”

Then I glanced upwards and he reached to tuck my hair behind my ear.

“Its… its not Gerard’s baby,” I said thinking that there was a possibility it was.

“It’s a guy from England, I hardly knew him, I didn’t even know his name.” Suddenly I heard a voice shouting out in my heard. LIAR. YOU ARE SUCH A LIAR FRANKY, YOU’D NEVER SLEEP WITH SOMEONE JUST LIKE THAT WIHOUT GETTING TO KNOW THEM AND BILLIE PROBABLY KNOWS THIS. YOU ARE SUCH A LIAR. TELL HIM IT COULD BE HIS.

“Oh, right,” he said and this time he looked shocked, his hand fell from the side of my face and I felt ashamed and somehow felt I had to explain further.

“He was a good guy and we got carried away by the moment.” TOO MUCH DETAIL. SHUT UP NOW. That voice again.

“So, when’s your baby due?” said Billie looking away slightly.

“In…in about se…eight months,” I said my face flushing with embarrassment and wondering why the fuck I’d just blurted it out to Billie when I couldn’t bring myself to tell anyone else.

“You’ll make a great mom,” he said then smiled at me. “Hey I saw your writing just now. Fucking awesome as usual.”

“Oh… thanks, that was just a couple of songs I was working on,” I said going back to packing up my papers and pencils.

“Are you happy?” he suddenly asked as I was looking down at my things.

“What ?” I said glancing up at him. What a question.

“Franky are you happy?” He asked looking at me directly.

“Yes I am.” Was I? Yes. I was happy with the band but truly happy? Was anyone?

“Good, that’s all I wish for you,” he said draining his beer.

“So Billie where have you been?” I said to him.

“Just away, I had to get away, just like you did, to think things through. After you went to London Adrienne and I told the boys that we had split up and they were heartbroken. It broke my heart just seeing them like that so I had to get away from it all, the band had split and I didn’t know what to do. So I’ve been holed up in that hut on the mountains.”

“So you’ve been close by all this time,” I said sounding surprised then not realising why because Billie could have been anywhere, I just didn’t think he would have been so near.

“Yep, I just came down late at night for a few provisions.” He said going back over to look once more at the pictures of Green Day.

“What did you do there? You’ve been gone for weeks,” I said to his back. He had this piece of hair sticking out of the bottom of the baseball cap and I wanted to touch it.

“Nope, not much to do there at all but funny enough I found loads to do. I just wrote my little heart out, smoked, drank, walked in the mountains, looked up at the stars, got rained on a couple of times, sunburnt, slept at weird times, walked around at night, listened to the animals. Read newspapers.”

“Did you sort things out in your head?” I asked.

“I think so,” he said turning to me and making my heart race once more.

“I’m glad for you but I think the boys have missed you and Adrienne was worried, she was a little unwell yesterday and…”

“Franky I still love you.” He said interrupting me.

I gasped out loud; it was obvious that he heard it.

He came over to me and took my hand.

“My feelings haven’t changed but I was hoping that yours had. I read that you got engaged to Gerard but I didn’t realise you were having a baby. I came on the hope that you’d changed your mind but I don’t think you have Franky, its obvious. If you had you wouldn’t have got with Gerard.” He said stroking my hand. I couldn’t look at him all the time that he spoke. “Its OK, I know now and its something I’ve got to deal with and its true what I said. I just want you to be happy.”

“Billie I…” suddenly I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and held him close. I just wanted to be held by him and to feel his familiar arms around me.

His hair tickled the side of my face and his slight stubble prickled my cheek and I remembered that time we’d kissed when he ran his tongue over my bottom lip.

“I’m frightened a little,” I said to him.

“Hey, what have you got to be frightened for, you’ve got so many people around you that love you. It’s going to be OK Titch, you’ll see,” he said comforting me. Titch. I’d missed hearing that.

“I know, I’m being silly, its just everything happened so unexpectedly.”

“You’ll be fine. We’re all here to look out for and I hope Gerard knows that you’re a little nervous.”

“I haven’t told Gerard that I’m pregnant yet.” I said to him.

“What?” Said Billie looking at me in a weird way.

“I only found out for sure this morning and I’m going to tell him soon, it’s just that, you were here and it all came out. I’m sorry; I should have told Gerard first,” I said.

“Don’t worry about it, he’ll know soon enough and I won’t say a word. Does anyone else know?”

“Just Charlie.”

“Good old Charlie boy.” Billie replied.

“He’s been great, as ever,” I said.

“Listen Franky, I should go but I have some songs that I’ve written and I’d like to run them by you at some point. Let me know when you’re free and you can take a look.”

“Of course, I’d love to take a look.” I said but then felt sad thinking that Green Day wouldn’t be singing Billie’s songs and it sounded as if Billie had either found someone else to sing them, was setting up another band or was going to go solo. I didn’t want to think of that right at that moment.

“Tell Dad I called won’t you,” he said, grabbing his guitar, jacket and holdall and heading off up the stairs and out of the house.

The front door closed and the house now in silence. The CD had stopped playing and it was deathly quiet.

Billie was back.