Purple Hearts

I’d rung the bell a few times and was just about to walk away from his door when it opened, slowly.

”James?” I said, confused. Why was James here again? I didn’t realise that he and Gerard were that friendly.

“Um…yeah, I…met up with Gerard last night and he invited me back for a coffee…we got talking until late and I…I ended up crashing on the couch,” he said thinking up an excuse as to why he was here with Gerard. He knew why he was here with Gerard; he’d got him a new stash of drugs and had managed to coax him into taking them. Gerard wasn’t that interested at first but once he’d got him home and had spiked his drink Gerard had been a walkover.

“Oh right, is he up? There’s a couple of things I wanted to check with him,” I said going into the room. All was in darkness so James went over to open up the blinds; sunlight instantly came flooding into the room. It was a mess in the room but luckily enough James had hidden all evidence of the drugs when he’d heard Franky ringing the bell. Gerard was out cold in his room.

“I think he’s still asleep,” said James scratching at his hair. “Why not go through and wake him?” He said.

“No, I’ll leave him, let him sleep. I just wanted to make sure that he’d had the fittings for his suit; he was going yesterday with Mikey and some of the others. Do you know if he did?” I asked.

“I think so, yeah, he mentioned the suits, he’s collecting them the day before the wedding,” said James.

He couldn’t take his eyes from Franky, he’d heard the news that she was pregnant and it looked good on her, her skin was glowing and her eyes sparkling, her hair shiny. He loved her but he’d let her down once and had regretted it ever since. He’d been a fool. He didn’t want her marrying Gerard and this was his plan to split them up he wanted Franky to see that Gerard wasn’t good for her, to see that she would be wasting her time with him and that he himself would treat her well. If only he hadn’t got into these drugs with Gerard for he was now hooked too.

“I bet he looks handsome,” I said suddenly envisioning Gerard in his black tuxedo.

“I suppose,” said James. “Hey you want a coffee?” He said.

“Why not, OK,” I replied sitting myself down onto the sofa after moving various comics of Gerard’s from the seat.

When he came back into the room James placed the mugs onto the table, sat down and spoke.

“You know I couldn’t believe it when I found out about your kidnapper being the brother of that plastic Pam woman, but then, yeah I could I suppose, who else would it have been?”

“He wanted revenge. Apparently Pam had this book and anyone that had crossed her throughout her life was in it, even slightly going right back to schoolteachers and waitresses in shops that had split her coffee. She was weird. She had this book and was determined to get some sort of revenge on each and every one. Her brother obviously found it after she’d been killed and took over where she’d left off, he’d killed three people before he’d moved next door to get to us. I’m so glad he’s been put away but I can still see his face sometimes, at night when I can’t sleep.” I said taking a drink from my steaming mug of coffee.

“It must have been awful for you. I’m sorry,” said James sincerely and he was, he’d hated that time when she’d gone missing but he’d had to hide his feelings, he didn’t want anyone to know that he still wanted Franky because he knew they’d just laugh at him and say it was a lost cause.

We sat silently for a moment and he knew he had to ask.

“Franky?” he said.

“Hmmm,” I replied looking at James who I’d really fancied once, a while back.

“Are you doing the right thing marrying Gerard?” He said then looked away wishing that he’d not mentioned it.

“Of course I am James, I’m so excited about this but don’t worry, it won’t affect the band any, even though I’ll probably be living here, we can still practice in Dad’s basement, I’m sure he won’t mind and then when the baby comes along Dad’s going to help out, so’s Adrienne, so, it’ll be fine. Don’t worry, this doesn’t mean the end of The Xtras” I said finishing off my coffee and standing up. “Look, when sleepy head wakes up, tell him I called,” then I nodded towards Gerard’s bedroom.

“Yeah, course I will,” said James watching the love of his life collect her bag from the chair and leave Gerard’s apartment concerned that his plan wasn’t working after all.

Because it looked like she was still going to marry Gerard.

**

“Uncle Mike!” I said entering the house; he was standing in the hallway. “You’re not leaving are you?” I went straight up to him and gave him a hug, and then he squeezed me back in return.

“Yeah, it was just a quick visit to see how Tre is, his leg’s healed real well. Also, Jen isn’t feeling too good today, she’s extra tired so I’m going to go home and spoil her,” he said brushing a loose piece of hair behind Franky’s ears. “Hey, who’s going to be a married woman in a couple of weeks then?” He said looking at me with his piercingly blue eyes. I just smiled up at Mike but noticed his expression change.

“Are you sure you’re not rushing into this?” He suddenly said. He was serious.

“Of course not, you know me Uncle Mike I wouldn’t do anything I didn’t think was right, its just that, what with the baby we wanted to bring it all forward,” I said knowing that I was doing the right thing.

“Good, that’s good,” said Mike kissing my head in his familiar way. “Right, I’m going to spoil Jen rotten,” he said taking his car keys from the hall table.

“You’d better, give her my love and I’ll come and see her soon,” I said watching Mike walk down the driveway. He waved once then got into his car.

I closed the door and felt a headache building but ignored it and hoped that Aunt Jen was OK. I must make more time for her I promised myself.

The house phone rang and as I was close to it, I picked up.

“Hi Franky,” said Adrienne at the other end.

“Hey, you OK?” I asked.

”I’m fine, listen, can you come over this afternoon, there are some more designs I want to show you.” She said.

“Sure, actually I can come over now, will that be OK with you.”

“That’s fine with me and we can have a good chat at the same time,” said Adrienne.

**

“This has got to be my favourite,” I said fingering a little red dress that I knew Adrienne had designed specifically for me.

”I knew you’d like it,” said Adrienne watching Franky closely.

“Hey, not long now and you’ll be married,” Said Adrienne. “I bought my outfit yesterday, Charlie came with me.”

“I love that you and Charlie are together, he’s always liked you, you know.” I said putting the red dress back on the hanger.

“I know, he’s great, we’re enjoying ourselves Franky and he has so much to say we don’t stop talking to each other.”

“I’m glad for you, what do the boys think of him?” I asked her. I knew Adrienne and Charlie would get on but my main concern was the boys, especially Joey.

“They love him, especially Joey. Joey confessed that he wants to follow in Charlie’s footsteps and be a photographer, that’s where they are today, Charlie has taken him out to take some photographs. He’s so good with them and Jake and he share the love of the same movies. It’s working well.”

“I’m glad Adrienne, so glad for you,” and I was, I was so pleased for my friends, they were very well matched.

“Is everything working well with you Franky? You know, you and Gerard. Is he OK about the baby?”

I didn’t want to think about that day a few days ago when I’d told Gerard. I thought he’d be really happy, happy that we could have an immediate family as he’d mentioned having a family before but I’d read the situation entirely wrong. I’d told him it was a guy from England that I’d had a one night stand with and he was shocked then I almost blurted out that the baby could be his because I’d hated seeing that look on his face, disappointed that I’d slept with someone I didn’t know but then I’d also have to go on and explain that it could have been Billie’s or James baby too and I didn’t want to get into that, my plan was to say it was a one night stand and that was what I’d said. He wasn’t angry but he was distant, the conversation wasn’t the same after that and I’d left saying that if he’d changed his mind about marrying me then I’d understand.

I’d gone home and slept badly that night but woke to a text from Gerard saying that of course he loved me and still wanted me but it may take time for him to adjust to becoming a father to someone else’s baby but would I be patient with him.

So I’d been patient but he still seemed slightly distant from me but there was nothing else I could do, he’d accepted it, so had I and the wedding was fast approaching.

“He’s fine about the baby, everything’s fine,” I said trying to convince myself too.

“Are you sure you’re doing the right thing?” said Adrienne putting her hand onto the younger girl’s shoulders.

”What do you mean?” I asked looking up at Adrienne who had been like a mother figure to me for all these years.

“Marrying Gerard, its not…not too soon is it, I know you brought it forward but there’s no need to hurry.”

“Of course I’m doing the right thing Adrienne, I’m not stupid,” I said slightly angry. What was it with everyone, why were they questioning me all the time?

Of course I was doing the right thing. I knew I was.

**

“You know I never imagined that you’d marry Gerard,” said Hannah. They were at Hannah and Ed’s place; Hannah had cooked for them all. Ed had disappeared to the other room to play his bass and the girls were clearing up.

“What do you mean?” I said to Hannah.

“I don’t know, I just thought you’d end up with someone else.”

“Who? Someone like James?” I said to her. I knew James still liked me and we’d been pretty close once upon a time but we’d grown distant and I didn’t have anything else in common with him other than the band and that night he’d tricked me into bed never left me.

“No, not James,” said Hannah.

“Who then?” I asked frowning at her.

“I don’t know, it just…seems to have happened so quick, you’re having a baby and you’re marrying Gerard. The two of you are hardly together, I mean take tonight, what’s he doing tonight, why didn’t he come here with you?” she said.

“He’s gone to see Mikey, they’re talking over their speeches,” I said. I was disappointed that Gerard didn’t seem to make much effort in taking me out anywhere, he rarely came to my house and he always seemed to have an excuse when it came to evenings like this when I wanted him to get to know my friends better.

“Oh, right.” Said Hannah. She didn’t want to say anymore but she was worried about Franky, she’d heard some rumours that Gerard was back on the drugs again, she didn’t want to believe the rumours and she was scared for Franky because she was sure she was marrying Gerard for all the wrong reasons but she didn’t know how to get her to see it.

**

“Hey blue eyes,” said Tre watching his daughter enter the house.

“Hi dad,” I said throwing my car keys down onto the hall table.

“You’re back early from Hannah’s,” he said coming over to give me a small hug.

“Yeah, feeling tired that’s all,” I replied but I didn’t want to go into any details about my conversation with Hannah. Hannah was right, it was weird that Gerard didn’t seem to want to come out with me much but I didn’t want to dwell on it because if he didn’t want to marry me then he would say, I was sure of it. He only had to say.

“Come through, Julia and I are just watching a movie, join us?” he said hoping that I’d say yes.

“Of course I will,” I said, it would be great to spend some time with them.

Julia looked flushed thought Franky and the top button of her blouse was done up wrong as though she’d quickly got dressed in a hurry. Had they been up to something?

“Hey you,” she said to me as I entered the room. “You’re back early.”

“Yeah, a little tired, that’s all,” I replied not wanting to think back to Hannah questioning her about whether or not I was doing the right thing. I sat down next to Julia and a slight whiff of my father’s cologne came from Julia’s direction, well, I was sure it smelled like his cologne but I couldn’t be quite sure. My nostrils and scent buds were weird at the moment, Hannah had the same problem, apparently it had something to do with hormones.

“Franky there’s something I have to tell you,” Julia said. “You’re not going to like it,” she said looking slightly unhappy about something.

“Oh, what’s that?” I asked looking from her to Dad, I couldn’t read Dad’s expression but he didn’t seem that happy either. What now?

“I’m not going to be able to make it to your wedding.” Said Julia glancing away from me. This I hadn’t expected, I’d always thought she’d be here, her and Emily but then I hadn’t thought that the dates were all wrong and she’d be going home before it.

“Can’t you just stay for a couple more days?” I asked.

“I can’t. I’ve had my full quota of leave from work and I have to get back, I have a house to run and Emily will be needing to get some stuff for going back to school. She’s very upset about this whole thing, she didn’t realise we weren’t going to be here either.”

“It won’t be the same without you.” I said and it wouldn’t, Julia had been great over the past few weeks, we’d had some fantastic talks and I kept convincing her that Dad really liked her but then although Dad seemed interested it was obvious he wasn’t going to do anything about it. He’d annoyed me, they would have made a great couple but obviously he didn’t think so and he was letting Julia go back to England. There was nothing I can do.

“Poor Emily.” I said. I loved these two, we’d all become close but I’d hardly spent as much time with Emily as I’d liked, her and Ramona were always doing something together and I was glad that Ramona had found someone to hang out with.

“She’ll be OK, we’ll be there in spirit and don’t forget to send us some photographs. May be you can come and visit us later in the year.” She said.

“Of course I will. Listen, I’m going to skip the movie, I think I’m just going to go to bed.” I said standing up and going to kiss Julia on the cheek. “Night.”

“Night Franky,” said Julia.

I then went to Dad and hugged him tight, “night Dad, see you in the morning.”

“Yeah, night gorgeous,” he replied. I wanted to shake him to see what he had in front of him to see that he and Julia made a great couple.

What the fuck was wrong with him?

**

I’d been to check out some flowers for the wedding, I’d decided to go for red roses, just like mum had. They were her favourites. The florist was so friendly and she was going to make up a fantastic bouquet for me.

I got in the car but it didn’t start first time or the second. One more try I thought and then I’ll have to call someone but it started and relief swept over me, I knew nothing about cars and knew that if I called someone I would be ages getting home and I could do with another nap.

Driving along the familiar road that led up past Billie’s the car started slowing for what seemed like no apparent reason. I put my foot down harder but nothing, then it slowed down to a stop and wouldn’t start again.

I tried once more but knew that it wasn’t going to happen. I’d broken down. It was probably about a twenty-minute walk to Billie’s but the sun was really hot and I felt so weary that I just couldn’t face it. I reached into my bag for a drink of water, noticed my phone but realised that the battery was flat. Shit, I didn’t know what to do.

There was nothing for it but to walk to Billie’s house. I just hoped he was there, I knew Adrienne was going to visit friends for the day, some old family friend of hers that was dying to meet Charlie so they were out.

I’d only been walking for five minutes, no cars had passed me by and I’d ran out of water. The sun was beating down hard on the top of my head and I felt slightly light-headed.

I had about a fifteen minute walk to go when I turned and saw a car coming, well it looked like a car but I wasn’t sure because as I tried to focus on it, I fainted.

**

“Franky, Franky, its OK,” I heard. Billie’s voice.

He had my head in his lap and as I opened my eyes I looked up into his concerned green ones.

“I saw you pass out. Here, take some water,” he said pouring some water onto my lips. I gulped it down. “Look, lets get you into the car, I shall put the air conditioning on to cool you down, you’re really hot,” he said touching my forehead.

I sat up then he helped get me up and led me over to his car. I just got in without saying anything; I still felt weird, light headed and shivery.

“I’ll get someone to come out and fix your car, lets get you to mine,” he said as he started his engine and drove off.

We didn’t speak until he pulled into his driveway.

“Would you rather go home?” he asked as he turned off the engine of the car.

”No, its fine, Dad will only worry.” I said getting out of the car.

Billie opened the door and I went into the familiar house. I loved it here but it had changed so much since they’d split and then I wondered what they’d do, who would have this house, Adrienne or Billie?

“Go and lay down on the sofa, have a rest, put your feet up, I’ll get you a drink,” he said disappearing into the kitchen. I did as I was told, I went and laid down on his sofa on top of huge fluffy cushions, I fell asleep immediately it was so comfortable there.

**

I woke up and knew it was dark outside. I glanced around me and Billie was sitting on an armchair, opposite.

“Hey, you OK?” Asked Billie.

“I think so, just thirsty,” I said. “Thanks for helping, I’m so glad it was you that found me.” I said but he didn’t respond he was just staring at me.

“I’ve charged your phone up for you and there’s a text from Gerard, here,” he said.

I opened the text but then snapped the phone shut. “I was meant to be meeting him tonight, but he’s cancelled. He hasn’t said why,” I said.

Billie still didn’t answer me. I sat up.

“Would you like a pizza? I’m just about to get myself one, you could do with eating, get your strength back,” said Billie.

“That sounds good,” I responded standing up. I felt loads better.

“Hey you sit there, no need to move.” Billie said.

“No, let me do something, I’m not that helpless,” I said following him out to the kitchen.

I made a salad up with some stuff that was in the fridge then put the bowl onto the kitchen table. There were some papers there and I couldn’t help but notice.

“You’ve been writing,” I said glancing over at Billie as he got the hot pizzas from the oven.

“Oh…its not much.” Said Billie.

“May I read them?” I asked him. He nodded, “go ahead.”

Ten minutes later and I was still sitting there, the pizza uneaten and the salad also untouched because Billie’s writing had engrossed me. I couldn’t put the song sheets down and had read a couple of the songs over two or three times.

“Eat up Franky, its getting cold,” said Billie. I glanced up, he had tomato sauce on his chin so I just automatically reached for a napkin to wipe it off, without even thinking about it.

“Sorry but, these are amazing Billie, the best you’ve written since American Idiot. I love them.”

“No one else has seen them, I wasn’t sure,” said Billie reaching for another slice of pizza.

“What are you going to do with them?” I asked knowing that Green Day wouldn’t be singing them because Green Day were no more.

He just shrugged. I didn’t want to keep questioning him; the fact that Green Day had split up always upset me, the fact that the three of them didn’t have that closeness anymore. Well they did but they didn’t it was hard to explain it just wasn’t the same as before.

We ate up, quietly, fairly content in each other’s company but as Billie stood to clear the dishes away he spoke.

”Listen Franky, you may not like this but… I won’t be coming to your wedding.” He said, just like that.

“Oh,” I said, shocked. I hadn’t thought that he wouldn’t come, I’d known him most of my life I just presumed he’d be there. He was over by the kitchen sink, filling it up with water to wash up the dishes, his back was to me.

”I can’t do it. I can’t see you get married, I’m sorry. I’m going away the day before because I can’t face it. You do understand don’t you?” He said turning to me. He had a serious look on his face.

“Well…not…” but he didn’t let me finished.

“You know how I feel about you, things haven’t changed and I just can’t see you get married to Gerard.” He said.

“Its OK, I understand,” I said going over to help him wash up, “but it still won’t be the same without you there.” I said.

Tears came to my eyes; I didn’t let him see them as I watched him wash up the plates.

It wasn’t OK, I wanted him there, I wanted Billie at my wedding, I wanted him to see me dressed as a bride on my special day but now he wouldn’t and my heart felt heavy.

This was meant to be a happy occasion but I’d never felt as low as this.