Purple Hearts

Hannah was so excited about meeting up with Franky but she was in two minds about telling her about the baby she was carrying.

Tre’s baby.

Tre didn’t know and he was never going to know if I was down to her, which it was. Her and Ed were an item now. They’d discussed it with James and he was happy for them and said he was fine about working in the band with them and was sure that Franky would feel the same way. James had wondered why they hadn’t got together sooner, he’d always known that Ed liked Hannah and fancied her like crazy he just didn’t know that Hannah had felt like that way too.

Well she hadn’t and still didn’t. To Hannah, Ed was just a convenience.

Hannah still adored Tre, she loved him but felt used by him. She’d wanted to punish him for giving her hope when all he’d wanted from her was sex. Keeping his baby secret from him was good enough punishment she thought. Only Ed knew she was having Tre’s baby and that’s the way it was going to stay. They’d met up with Tre a few times at his basement while Franky was away but she felt uncomfortable being around him and Ed always watched her like a hawk but now things would be different again, Franky was back and it was all going to begin for The Xtras.

**

“Gerard… oh my God,” I said to him. I was completely and utterly gob smacked, “I don’t know what to say.”

“Well don’t say anything yet if you don’t want to, don’t answer me yet. I’m going away for a few days to my parents and when I get back… well, we’ll get together then,” he raised his eyes at me, “we need to make up for lost time.”

“Good idea,” I said to him as he bent to kiss me but… the doorbell went and disturbed us so I pulled back. This must be the guy’s arriving for practice.

“Will that be the rest of the band?” Said Gerard looking more relaxed as though he’d got something off his chest.

“It must be,” I said.

“Listen, I’ll contact you when I get back in a few days and I also have something to show you.” He said.

“Oh have you now,” I replied looking at him in the manner of my dad. No, for god sake I’m sounding like my dad now.

“Yes I have, I think you’ll like it. Anyway I’ll be going,” and he bent and kissed my nose.

I followed him down the hall and a little bit of me wanted to shout out

Wait up, I forgot to tell you something, I forgot to say that I might be having your baby. Well, someone’s baby.

But before I knew it he’d opened the door and the guys were piling in. Then Gerard was gone.

“Hey,” said Hannah stepping through the door, “my god I’ve missed you”, she said hugging me.

“I’m glad you’ve come to your senses and have put some weight back on,” I said looking at her.

Oh Hannah, I’m having a baby and I don’t know who the Father is

“It’s so good to have you back but I need to talk to you,” she said looking quite serious now.

“Doesn’t everyone?” I said but she did look serious. I hope she hadn’t changed her mind about the band or anything.

All the guys just came on into the house, pecking me on the cheek. James looked odd I thought and he was sniffing like he had a cold.

“Are you OK?” I said to him. Hannah and Ed carried on down to the basement.

“I’m fine,” he said, “its so good to have you back, I…we missed you.” He said.

I glanced away then shouted out to the guys downstairs, “I’ll just fix some drinks and then I’ll be down.” I said.

“OK,” came a joint reply from Ed and Hannah.

“Let me help,” said James following me into the kitchen.

Going to the fridge I got out a carton of orange juice and carried it to the table.

“How was London? Did you get to see much of Gerard while you were there?” Said James. He was jealous to the core, he’d noticed Gerard leaving the house just now and he hoped and prayed that Franky and him weren’t together; he still wanted his chance with her.

“Not while in London, no we didn’t get to meet up.” I said.

But just now he asked me to marry him and I don’t know what to do.

“Oh.” Said James. This sounded hopeful after all.

“But he was here just now,” Said Franky, “you must have just seen him leave.”

”Yeah I did. Franky are you and he together?” Said James going to the cupboard and getting out some glasses.

“Possibly,” I said.

“Only possibly,” said James placing the glasses on a tray. He’d been looking at Franky and he thought she looked different, tired, more tired than before she left.

“For fuck sake James,” I said to him looking up. “What are you getting at?” Then I felt awful. “Sorry, sorry I snapped its just I’m tired.”

and my baby hormones are raging.

James looked sad and she felt awful but what was she meant to do here, she’d already told him there was no chance but he didn’t seem to listen.

“Franky, if there’s any chance, any chance of me and you… you know.” He said looking at her with desperate eyes.

“James, I’m sorry, we went over this before I left.” She said looking away from him. She just wanted to run away and hide. May be she should just have stayed away in England. Nothing had changed here at all.

“I know that… but I can’t help how I feel and I can’t help thinking back to what we… may be what we could have had.” He said pleadingly.

“I’m sorry James, but Gerard and I… I think may be yeah we will make a go of it. I’m sorry James but you knew my feelings before I went away and nothing’s changed for me.” I said looking at him. Shit this was hard, I liked James but he let me down once, I couldn’t forget that and anyway I had no feelings for him like that anymore.

“I hope he treats you good and that you’ll be happy. I mean it Franky.” He said and he did mean it. I could just tell.

“I know you do James, now lets get these drinks down to those two and get practising shall we.”

As we walked down to the basement James’ words rang through my head.

I know Gerard will treat me good, but was it enough? Would I be happy with him? Could I marry him and be with him for life?

**

We rocked as usual and it was as though I’d never been away.

Half way through the song Uncle Mike arrived with Aunt Jen. She looks so beautiful and healthy and the way she looks at Uncle Mike, she absolutely adores him.

“You guys rule,” Uncle Mike said when we’d finished.

“Bear hug?” he said coming over to me. He squeezed me tight. I’d always found comfort with Uncle Mike’s hugs, they were like a comfort blanket, warm and secure and well, always there to be brought out whenever needed.

“Hey you look tired honey,” said Aunt Jen coming over to me and giving me a tight squeeze.

I shrugged, “oh, just jet lag still from yesterday, but look at you, you look fantastic Aunt Jen.” Yeah, she did I thought looking her up and down. I couldn’t place what it was but there was definitely something different about her.

“We have some news,” she said looking up at Uncle Mike.

“She couldn’t wait to get you back so she could tell you to face to face. She could easily have called you up but she wouldn’t have any of it.” Uncle Mike said looking down into his wife’s face.

“Well,” I said looking from one to the other, “what is it?”

They were looking at each other like lovesick teenagers.

“We’re having a baby,” they said in unison, and then they hugged each other.

“Oh my god that’s wonderful,” I said and it was. My cousin was going to be born around the same time as my baby. It would have a playmate, someone to grow up with.

“How wonderful, come here,” and we hugged together, each with our own thoughts. Mine were with my baby once again, wondering who the father was. Is this how it was going to be, constantly wondering?

“I’m so pleased for you both,” I said pulling away from our hug. I was. They would make wonderful parents together and their baby was sure to be beautiful. Would it be a boy or a girl? Would it look like Uncle Mike or Aunt Jen?

Who would my baby look like? Would it be James, Gerard or Billie? Would anyone guess?

Damn.

**

“The photographer can’t come,” said Adi walking into the basement with Dad following behind her.

“What?” we all said together. We were all dressed in our stage outfits and Hannah had done our make up. We all looked and felt great; we were set for our photo shoot and now this.

“Her mother has taken ill and she can’t do the shots today, she said she will re-schedule but she can’t tell us when.” Said Adrienne looking as fed up with this news as us.

“Fuck it,” said James.

“Bollocks,” said Ed.

“So what do we do now?” Said Hannah.

“I don’t know,” said Adrienne. She looked as though it was her fault that we were let down and I did feel a little sorry for her. We’d had our ups and downs in the past but she was such a good person.

“I’ll take some pictures,” said a voice from the doorway.

“Charlie, of course,” I said looking at my dearest, oldest friend standing in the doorway, practically filling it.

“That’s if everyone agrees,” said Charlie looking around at everyone.

“Hey Charlie you’re a great photographer,” said Mike, “why the hell didn’t we think of this before?” he said going straight over to him and kind of ushering him into the room.

“Its just I have this idea,” said Charlie.

**

We spent the rest of the day in the garden, Charlie taking loads of photographs of us. We must have been out there for nearly three hours doing different poses with Hannah re-touching our make up every now and again. I looked over at the guys, Ed had refused to wear any make up but James was wearing heavy black eyeliner around his green eyes, making them stand out. I loved that on a guy. My mind went to Billie almost immediately and I remembered the last time I saw him, he’d worn eyeliner that day and had a little smudge on his nose that I wiped off for him, right here in this garden.

“That’s it, we’ll call it a wrap” said Charlie. “I have got plenty to get on with, I’m going to be busy all night getting these onto the computer.”

I yawned then and made an excuse to go to my room. Shit I needed to lie down real badly; this overwhelming tiredness was taking over my body. Wrong, my baby was taking over my body.

**

Flopping down onto the bed I didn’t even remember falling asleep that is until I heard my familiar creaking door. I looked up; it was Hannah peeping around the door.

“Hey come in,” I said yawning. “How long have I been asleep?” I said.

“Not long, may be 45 minutes,” said Hannah coming in and closing the door behind her.

“Franky I need to tell you something.” She said.

“Go right ahead baby, you’ve got my full attention,” I said yawning again.

She came and sat down on the bed, fiddling around with her hands.

“What is it?” I said frowning at her. Something was wrong.

“Its… its just that… I’m pregnant.” She blurted it out and wasn’t looking at me.

“What?” I said, shocked. Shit, was it Dad’s baby? My god it must be.

“It’s Eds,” she said looking at me knowing what I was thinking; she looked like she was about to cry.

“Eds?” I said, sitting up, this was a double shocker.

“Yeah, we’re an item,” Hannah said looking back down at her hands again.

“You and Ed are an item.” I said. This was bizarre.

“Yes. We um… we have been for some time now.” She said, still not looking. I didn’t feel she was telling me the whole truth somehow.

“Really? But before I went away you were… oh never mind Hannah, its wonderful news,” I said going to her and putting my arm across her shoulder.

“Its just that I’m scared.” She said looking at me with her watery eyes.

Guess what Hannah? So am I.

“Hey… what’s there to be scared of?” I said bringing her in closer to me.

“Of… of getting fat, being able to still play in the band, giving birth. Everything really.”

The very same things as me.

“Hey, it’s going to be great, I can be your baby’s Auntie.”

You can be my baby’s Auntie too.

“I’m going to need you Franky,” she said seriously.

“Well, I’m always going to be here,” I said. I was. I wasn’t going anywhere. “Anyway, when on earth did you and Ed get together? It must have been straight after I left, bloody hell you two don’t waste any time.” I said.

“Actually it was a little before you left.” Hannah said feeling that she had to say this otherwise Franky would guess that the baby was Tres.

“You sneaky thing, why didn’t you tell me?” I said smiling to myself. Hannah and Ed, of course, they were perfect together.

“It was early days, I wasn’t sure how I felt about him, it kind of happened quick.”

“So when… when did you and he…?”

“Um…it was after the beach party. You had left early and Ed took me home and one thing led to another.”

“Awww, you’re so right for each other Hannah. How do you feel about him?” I asked.

“Eds great,” said Hannah.

“Do you love him?” I asked. She must do.

“Um… yeah,” said Hannah unconvincingly.

”Do you? Are you sure?” I asked. I wasn’t so sure she did.

“Look… it’s still early for us. We’re trying to make this work you know,” said Hannah, crying openly now.

“Hey… its OK,” I said hugging her again. Something wasn’t right here. Hannah and Ed? I hadn’t seen that one coming. I sort of knew that Ed had liked Hannah as James had hinted at it before but… I was sure that Hannah hadn’t liked Ed in that way. Well, before I went away she hadn’t and now she was having his baby.

A baby. Just like me.

“You know don’t you?” said Hannah suddenly.

”Know what?” I said.

“Oh Franky. I don’t/ love him. I know that’s what you’re thinking and you’re right. I can’t hide it from you, he loves me and has done for ages and he’s told me often enough since we got together, I just don’t love him like I should and that’s another reason why I’m scared. I want to love him, I just can’t

I love Tre, that’s why.

“It’ll be OK,” I said stroking Hannah’s hair. “Everything will be all right.”

Wouldn’t it?