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Purple Hearts
Not Yet
Gerard was at the door when I got out of the elevator, just standing there looking at me and smiling nervously obviously wondering what my answer would be.
“Hey,” he said. “Are you OK Franky? You look tired out, come in and sit down and I’ll get you something,” he said holding his front door open to me.
“I am tired,” I said to him but as I walked into his open planned apartment I stopped dead in my tracks for there on one whole wall was a painting of me.
“Oh my god,” I said. It was amazing, it was kind of an abstract picture done of me in all shades of purple with black and white thrown in, it was a head and shoulders painting with me smiling widely. It was amazing but at the same time it kind of freaked me out.
“Gerard it’s amazing,” I said to him, it was hard to pull my eyes away from it.
“I’m glad you like it. Come and sit down and I’ll get you a cherry cola,” he said.
“Um… no cherry cola for me, I’ve gone right off the stuff,” I said to him.
“Really? What can I get for you? Coffee?” he said looking at me with those green eyes of his.
“Just a water would be good,” I said plonking down onto his sofa.
The next thing I woke up and he was sitting at the other end of the sofa smiling widely at me.
”Oh my god… did I fall asleep?” I said to him all bleary eyed.
“You did, I turned and you were sound asleep,” he said. “You’ve been out like a light for about two hours.”
“Oh my god, I don’t believe it,” I said standing up and stretching my arms over my head.
“Listen Franky, I know you are here to give me your answer, well I hope you are, I’ve not stopped thinking about you all the time I was away but I need to clear something up with you about me. I need to tell you everything about my past. What do you know about me?” he said.
I dropped my arms down by my side.
“I know that you had some problems in the past with drink and stuff.”
“Yeah. Stuff. Drugs.” He said looking pissed off with himself.
“I sort of knew that,” I said sitting down next to him. “Its OK, its fine,” I said.
“I just wanted you to know, I don’t want to hide anything from you. I’m an alcoholic so I can’t drink and I was hooked on medication but its fine now, as long as I’m not drinking and mixing with certain people and don’t get led astray then that will be fine.” He said.
I leant towards him and we kissed. I hadn’t kissed anyone for ages and I’d missed kissing and for a moment Gerard’s kisses took away all my problems. I was right. The answer I was going to give him was right for me.
“Gerard?” I said to him as we pulled apart and he cuddled me into him.
“The answer is yes. I will marry you. If… if that’s OK?” I said looking up into his green eyes as he held me close to him.
His face lit up.
”You’re kidding Franky,” he said, “I really thought you were going to turn me down. Oh my god,” he said, “this is just great, I can’t wait to tell everyone, my parents, Mikey and the guys, your dad, what’s your dad going to say. You can live here in this apartment, its big enough for the both of us and you can bring Milton and when we decide to have a family we can move to a huge house with a garden and….”
“Hey Gerard, slow down,” I said. “There’s plenty of time for all that,” I laughed then listening to him get carried away and not daring to tell him that the family thing would come sooner than he’d think.
Yes. Plenty of time and I still had to tell you I was pregnant. I had to pick my moment, he’d been open with me and I knew I had to tell him soon before my stomach started to grow. I had to tell him.
Just not yet.
**
Franky had just left Gerards when Gerard received a knock at the door. He was so happy he almost flew to the door, hoping upon hope that it was Franky come back to spend the night with him. But it wasn’t it was James, the guy in Franky’s band, the Xtras.
What did he want? Thought Gerard looking through the spy hole.
“Hi James, everything OK?” Said Gerard as he opened the door to him.
“Um…yeah…everything is fine, it’s just that… I have something here that you may be interested in.,” said James.
”Oh, right, well, you’d better come in then,” said Gerard.
**
I woke the next morning in my own bed. I had the offer to stay at Gerard’s but decided to come home as I knew that Joey was back that day and I wanted to be ready for him.
Something drew me out of bed and over to the wardrobe just to check once more that the gun was still there. Of course it was. Where the fuck was I going to hide it? I’d have to do it, and soon.
I decided to take a long leisurely shower but Dad was hammering on my bedroom door so I went to answer it.
”Hey blue eyes,” he said to me. “Adrienne just called and said as soon as you get up could you go over there. She didn’t say what it was about, probably just something to do with the new clothes she’s got coming in.”
“Yeah that must be it,” I said stretching. “I’ll be down in half an hour, grab something to eat and then I’ll be off.”
“Ok honey,” said Tre turning away.
“Oh Dad, what are you doing this evening? I have something to tell you,” I said to him.
”I have no plans for this evening,” said Tre or any other evening after that come to think of it he thought.
“How about we do something, just you and me?”
“Yeah, lets go to the Chopstick Bowl like we used to do. You and me, I’ll book a table for 7 O’clock, sound OK?”
”Sounds perfect,” I said to him and watching him go off and answer his phone that he quickly grabbed out of his pocket. I just noticed him smile hugely. Who was it that kept calling him?
**
I knocked on the front door of the Armstrong house and Adrienne answered almost immediately.
“He’s upstairs,” she said looking weird eyed.
“Are we going to confront him?” I asked her as I entered the house.
“Yes, I think we should,” she replied closing the front door behind me.
“I’m nervous about this,” I said to her as I took off my shoes and dumped them in my usual shoe dumping spot in the hall.
“So am I,” said Adrienne. I noticed her nails, they were bitten down and I’d never seen them like that before. She usually has regular manicures.
“Where’s Jake?” I asked. I loved Jake he was just the cutest kid ever. He was always laughing and joking, he was just like Billie, open whereas Joey was more inner, like his mother.
“Jakes next door with little Ben. Ben has missed him and as soon as he arrived home Ben came knocking asking if he could go there for a sleepover. Its ideal.” She said as we just stood there kind of whispering in the hall.
Ideal? How can this situation be ideal? I thought.
“I’m going to call Joey down, we need to tell him,” she said.
Suddenly I wanted to forget all about it, so what if he had a crush on me and had all those pictures? So what? He would grow out of it, but then there was the gun to consider.
Yeah. The gun, hidden at the back of my wardrobe.
“Joseph,” shouted Adrienne from the bottom of the stairs, “could you come here for a moment please sweetheart?”
I wandered through to the living room then and I couldn’t relax. Strolling around the living room I glanced around at the photographs and ornaments nervously waiting for Joey and Adrienne to come into the room. I wandered over to the mantelpiece to check out some of the photos there and suddenly it dawned on me that there were no photographs of Billie in the room. She’d removed them all.
For an instant I couldn’t remember his face. I felt weird. I couldn’t remember the exact colour of Billie’s eyes. I could see Gerard’s eyes clear enough and his lips but what shape were Billie’s lips again? They were heart shaped I suddenly remembered then visualised his tongue that he ran over my bottom lip. I felt hot and clammy for an instant. Glancing across the mantle shelf I noticed a tiny china bowl and inside were a various assortment of picks. Some of them used, some of them not.
Billie wasn’t here. I couldn’t see him but for some reason it felt like he was all around me if that made any sense?
“Franky he’s coming,” said Adrienne coming into the room and disturbing my thoughts. “Make yourself comfortable.” Comfortable? She was kidding, right?
I went and sat down on the edge of the sofa, perched there because I felt on edge.
“Hi Franky,” came his familiar voice as he entered the living room.
“Hi Joey, how are you, was your trip good?” I asked him.
“It was great thanks, yeah,” he said smiling widely at me.
“Come and sit down Joey,” said Adrienne. He did, he came and sat opposite me. He looked so young I thought, just like a little boy.
“Joey I think you should know that we have found something in your room,” said Adrienne.
We? This was wrong. She should have spoken to him without me here, that would have been much better I thought.
“What do you mean?” Joey said then it dawned on him and he blushed deeply. Poor soul.
I couldn’t look at him and had never felt so embarrassed for anyone.
“Your box full of stuff about Franky,” she said matter of factly.
“Um… sorry, I can’t do this, I shall be outside in the garden,” I said this all felt wrong I thought as I got up and left the room. She should be doing this herself and she should never have got me involved.
I went and sat out in their garden under a tree wishing I wasn’t here at all.
Half an hour later and they were coming out into the garden. Adrienne with a white face and Joey the opposite, bright red.
“I’m sorry Franky,” said Joey.
“Its OK Joey, I understand,” I said going to him. The poor kid.
“I’ll give all your stuff back,” he said.
“Joey its OK, whenever you are ready,” I said wanting the ground to open up and swallow me. “But… what’s with the gun?” I asked.
“He won’t tell me, I’ve already asked him,” said Adrienne.
“Oh Joey,” I said, “Where on earth did you get it?”
“I can’t tell you,” he said.
“Why?” I said to him.
“I just… I just can’t,” he replied.
“Has it been used?” I had to know but Joey didn’t answer that question.
“Its no use, he won’t say anything about it,” said Adrienne starting to bite at her nails.
“I want to talk to Franky alone,” said Joey suddenly swinging round and turning to his mother.
“Of course,” said Adrienne. “I shall go and fix us all some drinks.”
“Franky I’m so sorry to have embarrassed you but… but I’ve always liked you,” he said shuffling around on his feet and not looking at me.
“Joey, you don’t have to explain,” I said to him.
“But I do because I’m over you now. I’ve found someone that I can really love,” he said his eyes all lit up.
“Am I allowed to know who?” I asked but guessing already.
“Its Ellie.”
“I guessed and I’m glad for you, she’s a lovely girl,” I said. “But you scared us Joey, the gun thing.”
“To answer your earlier questions about the gun. It belongs to someone else and yes it has been used.” He said now looking at me directly in the eye.
“Oh my god Joey, when? Whose gun is it?”
“I can’t tell you that.” Was all he said.
**
“Hey this is great just the two of us,” said Tre looking over at Franky, “and I’m glad that Ramona got invited to Adrienne’s to keep Joey company, those two always did get on great, but it looks like you are overdoing it. You look dreadful honey are you sure you don’t just want to go home?” He said putting his hand over mine, all concerned for me.
“No. Lets stay. Dad I need to tell you something,” I said to him as our food turned up.
“What’s that honey?” said Tre busying himself with his food.
“Its about Gerard and me,” I said to him.
“Oh,” said Tre, these words catching his attention.
“He’s… he’s asked me to marry him,” I said.
“When?” Asked Tre looking kind of startled.
“A few days ago,” I replied.
“Oh my god Franky, why on earth didn’t you say something?” said Tre.
“Because I had to think about it.” Yeah I had to really think about it, whether I was doing the right thing or not.
“And what did you come up with?” Asked Tre raising his eyebrows. “Have you seen him and told him your answer?” he said.
“I’ve given him my answer. It was a yes.”
“You’re kidding?” said Tre, looking a little gobsmacked.
”No. Why?” I said frowning at him.
“Its unexpected that’s all. Are you sure you’re doing the right thing?”
“I’m sure.” I was sure that my baby needed a father.
“I’m gonna be a father in law,” he said spooning some egg fried rice onto his plate.
“Yeah and what a father in law, the coolest one, ever” I said laughing at him heaping loads of food on.
“Can we start telling people?” said Tre
“Who do you want to tell?” I said to him.
“How about everyone?” he said.
“Why not?” I said as I shrugged. Why not indeed, but there was still something more important that I needed to say but I still couldn’t bring myself to tell Dad that I was having a baby.
I didn’t know when the best time was to do it.
Dad needed to know.
So did Gerard.
Just.... not yet.
“Hey,” he said. “Are you OK Franky? You look tired out, come in and sit down and I’ll get you something,” he said holding his front door open to me.
“I am tired,” I said to him but as I walked into his open planned apartment I stopped dead in my tracks for there on one whole wall was a painting of me.
“Oh my god,” I said. It was amazing, it was kind of an abstract picture done of me in all shades of purple with black and white thrown in, it was a head and shoulders painting with me smiling widely. It was amazing but at the same time it kind of freaked me out.
“Gerard it’s amazing,” I said to him, it was hard to pull my eyes away from it.
“I’m glad you like it. Come and sit down and I’ll get you a cherry cola,” he said.
“Um… no cherry cola for me, I’ve gone right off the stuff,” I said to him.
“Really? What can I get for you? Coffee?” he said looking at me with those green eyes of his.
“Just a water would be good,” I said plonking down onto his sofa.
The next thing I woke up and he was sitting at the other end of the sofa smiling widely at me.
”Oh my god… did I fall asleep?” I said to him all bleary eyed.
“You did, I turned and you were sound asleep,” he said. “You’ve been out like a light for about two hours.”
“Oh my god, I don’t believe it,” I said standing up and stretching my arms over my head.
“Listen Franky, I know you are here to give me your answer, well I hope you are, I’ve not stopped thinking about you all the time I was away but I need to clear something up with you about me. I need to tell you everything about my past. What do you know about me?” he said.
I dropped my arms down by my side.
“I know that you had some problems in the past with drink and stuff.”
“Yeah. Stuff. Drugs.” He said looking pissed off with himself.
“I sort of knew that,” I said sitting down next to him. “Its OK, its fine,” I said.
“I just wanted you to know, I don’t want to hide anything from you. I’m an alcoholic so I can’t drink and I was hooked on medication but its fine now, as long as I’m not drinking and mixing with certain people and don’t get led astray then that will be fine.” He said.
I leant towards him and we kissed. I hadn’t kissed anyone for ages and I’d missed kissing and for a moment Gerard’s kisses took away all my problems. I was right. The answer I was going to give him was right for me.
“Gerard?” I said to him as we pulled apart and he cuddled me into him.
“The answer is yes. I will marry you. If… if that’s OK?” I said looking up into his green eyes as he held me close to him.
His face lit up.
”You’re kidding Franky,” he said, “I really thought you were going to turn me down. Oh my god,” he said, “this is just great, I can’t wait to tell everyone, my parents, Mikey and the guys, your dad, what’s your dad going to say. You can live here in this apartment, its big enough for the both of us and you can bring Milton and when we decide to have a family we can move to a huge house with a garden and….”
“Hey Gerard, slow down,” I said. “There’s plenty of time for all that,” I laughed then listening to him get carried away and not daring to tell him that the family thing would come sooner than he’d think.
Yes. Plenty of time and I still had to tell you I was pregnant. I had to pick my moment, he’d been open with me and I knew I had to tell him soon before my stomach started to grow. I had to tell him.
Just not yet.
**
Franky had just left Gerards when Gerard received a knock at the door. He was so happy he almost flew to the door, hoping upon hope that it was Franky come back to spend the night with him. But it wasn’t it was James, the guy in Franky’s band, the Xtras.
What did he want? Thought Gerard looking through the spy hole.
“Hi James, everything OK?” Said Gerard as he opened the door to him.
“Um…yeah…everything is fine, it’s just that… I have something here that you may be interested in.,” said James.
”Oh, right, well, you’d better come in then,” said Gerard.
**
I woke the next morning in my own bed. I had the offer to stay at Gerard’s but decided to come home as I knew that Joey was back that day and I wanted to be ready for him.
Something drew me out of bed and over to the wardrobe just to check once more that the gun was still there. Of course it was. Where the fuck was I going to hide it? I’d have to do it, and soon.
I decided to take a long leisurely shower but Dad was hammering on my bedroom door so I went to answer it.
”Hey blue eyes,” he said to me. “Adrienne just called and said as soon as you get up could you go over there. She didn’t say what it was about, probably just something to do with the new clothes she’s got coming in.”
“Yeah that must be it,” I said stretching. “I’ll be down in half an hour, grab something to eat and then I’ll be off.”
“Ok honey,” said Tre turning away.
“Oh Dad, what are you doing this evening? I have something to tell you,” I said to him.
”I have no plans for this evening,” said Tre or any other evening after that come to think of it he thought.
“How about we do something, just you and me?”
“Yeah, lets go to the Chopstick Bowl like we used to do. You and me, I’ll book a table for 7 O’clock, sound OK?”
”Sounds perfect,” I said to him and watching him go off and answer his phone that he quickly grabbed out of his pocket. I just noticed him smile hugely. Who was it that kept calling him?
**
I knocked on the front door of the Armstrong house and Adrienne answered almost immediately.
“He’s upstairs,” she said looking weird eyed.
“Are we going to confront him?” I asked her as I entered the house.
“Yes, I think we should,” she replied closing the front door behind me.
“I’m nervous about this,” I said to her as I took off my shoes and dumped them in my usual shoe dumping spot in the hall.
“So am I,” said Adrienne. I noticed her nails, they were bitten down and I’d never seen them like that before. She usually has regular manicures.
“Where’s Jake?” I asked. I loved Jake he was just the cutest kid ever. He was always laughing and joking, he was just like Billie, open whereas Joey was more inner, like his mother.
“Jakes next door with little Ben. Ben has missed him and as soon as he arrived home Ben came knocking asking if he could go there for a sleepover. Its ideal.” She said as we just stood there kind of whispering in the hall.
Ideal? How can this situation be ideal? I thought.
“I’m going to call Joey down, we need to tell him,” she said.
Suddenly I wanted to forget all about it, so what if he had a crush on me and had all those pictures? So what? He would grow out of it, but then there was the gun to consider.
Yeah. The gun, hidden at the back of my wardrobe.
“Joseph,” shouted Adrienne from the bottom of the stairs, “could you come here for a moment please sweetheart?”
I wandered through to the living room then and I couldn’t relax. Strolling around the living room I glanced around at the photographs and ornaments nervously waiting for Joey and Adrienne to come into the room. I wandered over to the mantelpiece to check out some of the photos there and suddenly it dawned on me that there were no photographs of Billie in the room. She’d removed them all.
For an instant I couldn’t remember his face. I felt weird. I couldn’t remember the exact colour of Billie’s eyes. I could see Gerard’s eyes clear enough and his lips but what shape were Billie’s lips again? They were heart shaped I suddenly remembered then visualised his tongue that he ran over my bottom lip. I felt hot and clammy for an instant. Glancing across the mantle shelf I noticed a tiny china bowl and inside were a various assortment of picks. Some of them used, some of them not.
Billie wasn’t here. I couldn’t see him but for some reason it felt like he was all around me if that made any sense?
“Franky he’s coming,” said Adrienne coming into the room and disturbing my thoughts. “Make yourself comfortable.” Comfortable? She was kidding, right?
I went and sat down on the edge of the sofa, perched there because I felt on edge.
“Hi Franky,” came his familiar voice as he entered the living room.
“Hi Joey, how are you, was your trip good?” I asked him.
“It was great thanks, yeah,” he said smiling widely at me.
“Come and sit down Joey,” said Adrienne. He did, he came and sat opposite me. He looked so young I thought, just like a little boy.
“Joey I think you should know that we have found something in your room,” said Adrienne.
We? This was wrong. She should have spoken to him without me here, that would have been much better I thought.
“What do you mean?” Joey said then it dawned on him and he blushed deeply. Poor soul.
I couldn’t look at him and had never felt so embarrassed for anyone.
“Your box full of stuff about Franky,” she said matter of factly.
“Um… sorry, I can’t do this, I shall be outside in the garden,” I said this all felt wrong I thought as I got up and left the room. She should be doing this herself and she should never have got me involved.
I went and sat out in their garden under a tree wishing I wasn’t here at all.
Half an hour later and they were coming out into the garden. Adrienne with a white face and Joey the opposite, bright red.
“I’m sorry Franky,” said Joey.
“Its OK Joey, I understand,” I said going to him. The poor kid.
“I’ll give all your stuff back,” he said.
“Joey its OK, whenever you are ready,” I said wanting the ground to open up and swallow me. “But… what’s with the gun?” I asked.
“He won’t tell me, I’ve already asked him,” said Adrienne.
“Oh Joey,” I said, “Where on earth did you get it?”
“I can’t tell you,” he said.
“Why?” I said to him.
“I just… I just can’t,” he replied.
“Has it been used?” I had to know but Joey didn’t answer that question.
“Its no use, he won’t say anything about it,” said Adrienne starting to bite at her nails.
“I want to talk to Franky alone,” said Joey suddenly swinging round and turning to his mother.
“Of course,” said Adrienne. “I shall go and fix us all some drinks.”
“Franky I’m so sorry to have embarrassed you but… but I’ve always liked you,” he said shuffling around on his feet and not looking at me.
“Joey, you don’t have to explain,” I said to him.
“But I do because I’m over you now. I’ve found someone that I can really love,” he said his eyes all lit up.
“Am I allowed to know who?” I asked but guessing already.
“Its Ellie.”
“I guessed and I’m glad for you, she’s a lovely girl,” I said. “But you scared us Joey, the gun thing.”
“To answer your earlier questions about the gun. It belongs to someone else and yes it has been used.” He said now looking at me directly in the eye.
“Oh my god Joey, when? Whose gun is it?”
“I can’t tell you that.” Was all he said.
**
“Hey this is great just the two of us,” said Tre looking over at Franky, “and I’m glad that Ramona got invited to Adrienne’s to keep Joey company, those two always did get on great, but it looks like you are overdoing it. You look dreadful honey are you sure you don’t just want to go home?” He said putting his hand over mine, all concerned for me.
“No. Lets stay. Dad I need to tell you something,” I said to him as our food turned up.
“What’s that honey?” said Tre busying himself with his food.
“Its about Gerard and me,” I said to him.
“Oh,” said Tre, these words catching his attention.
“He’s… he’s asked me to marry him,” I said.
“When?” Asked Tre looking kind of startled.
“A few days ago,” I replied.
“Oh my god Franky, why on earth didn’t you say something?” said Tre.
“Because I had to think about it.” Yeah I had to really think about it, whether I was doing the right thing or not.
“And what did you come up with?” Asked Tre raising his eyebrows. “Have you seen him and told him your answer?” he said.
“I’ve given him my answer. It was a yes.”
“You’re kidding?” said Tre, looking a little gobsmacked.
”No. Why?” I said frowning at him.
“Its unexpected that’s all. Are you sure you’re doing the right thing?”
“I’m sure.” I was sure that my baby needed a father.
“I’m gonna be a father in law,” he said spooning some egg fried rice onto his plate.
“Yeah and what a father in law, the coolest one, ever” I said laughing at him heaping loads of food on.
“Can we start telling people?” said Tre
“Who do you want to tell?” I said to him.
“How about everyone?” he said.
“Why not?” I said as I shrugged. Why not indeed, but there was still something more important that I needed to say but I still couldn’t bring myself to tell Dad that I was having a baby.
I didn’t know when the best time was to do it.
Dad needed to know.
So did Gerard.
Just.... not yet.