Dance With Me in This Rain

Three days later.

Don't depend on me to ever follow through on anything. But I'd go through hell for you.;;

**

Things were pretty much back to normal. It was as if I hadn't spent more than a month in Germany.
Life was picking up and I had managed to reorganize myself and my horrible thoughts.
Sure, it was tough pretending Tom didn't exist. I actually couldn't stop thinking about him. I thought about him before I went to sleep. I thought about him when I woke up. I thought about him during work. I thought about him while eating dinner.
It was hell, summing it all up.
I talked to Clara all the time. I talked to Bill, Gustav and Georg once. They said they were trying to do everything they could to make Tom calm himself down. Apparently, he was pissed at all of them. Especially Gustav, since he was the one who took me to the airport. But they told me this yesterday. I hadn't spoke to anyone today. None of them called, so I didn't really know what else was going on back in Germany.
I sighed, as I banged my head on my kitchen table. "Stop thinking about him." I rubbed my temples, with my eyes closed, trying pointlessly to erase what's-his-face from my memories.
No such luck.
I groaned, banging my head a few more times, causing the plate of macarroni and cheese in front of me to jump up and down, like an earthquake was ocurring.
Finally, I sat up straight in my chair with a huff. "It ends now, Bella. Do everything you can to stop thinking about him. Everything."
I nodded to myself. Was it going to be hard? Hell yes. Forgetting the one guy I actually loved. Who wouldn't find that hard?
Diiiiing dooooong.
My ears perked up slightly at the sound of my doorbell echoing around the apartment. I narrowed my eyes, as my head turned around. Who could it be?
I stood up swiftly from my chair and made my way toward the front door in curiosity. Once my hands were wrapped around the doorknob, I turned it around, opening the door.
Confusion washed over me. My eyebrows furrowed as my eyes were laid upon the person standing in front of me.
"Danni?" I said with a puzzled look on my face.
"Baby sister!"
I had no time to react, as my sister jumped on me so abruptly, nearly knocking me down backwards.
"I missed you so much!" She squealed, squeezing me so tightly, I almost choked.
When she let go, I cracked a very confusing smile. I stared at my big sister standing in front of me with a huge smile plastered on her face.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, surprised.
Her grin widened. "I'm here to see you, of course! Oh, Izzy, it's been so long! And you look so different! Did you cut your hair?" She asked excitedly, holding a few strands of my hair up and examining them.
"Er, last year."
"Oh," She said with a laugh. "It looks adorable. It totally frames your face perfectly."
I furrowed my eyebrows, and looked down, now realizing she had brought bags with her.
"Um, come on in," I said quickly, holding the door open wider.
"Thanks. Oh don't shut the door. Christian's coming up."
I looked at her dubiously and was about to say something when I heard a voice booming from behind me.
"Izabella!"
I turned around, only to be greeted with another tight hug, only this time from Christian.
Christian Russo. My sister's italian stud husband. I hadn't seen this guy since the wedding.
I let out a small laugh as he released me. His bright blue eyes glistened with excitement.
"Izabella, you grew!" Christian chimed, ruffling my hair wildly. I suddenly felt like a five-year-old.
"And you.....got taller?" I said awkwardly, causing him and my sister to throw their heads back and laugh.
"Whoa, sis. Did you decorate this place yourself?" Danni asked, looking around with her hands on her hips. Christian brought in a few more bags and I shut the door, shaking my head in confusion.
It was a bit overwhelming seeing these two again. Especially now, when so much had happened.
"Yeah. Why?"
She shook her head. "It's mature-looking. I like it. I like the vibe, you know? Very feng shui."
I made a face, pretending to understand what she had just said. "Thanks." I rubbed my neck. "So, uh, what's up?"
Danni laughed as Christian came to stand next to her, placing an arm around her waist.
"We're visiting. Is that okay?" She asked.
I shrugged. "Er, sure. Yeah."
Danni's eyes narrowed, staring at me doubtfully. "Maybe we should've called first...."
I quickly waved her off. "Nah, of course not. I'm just surprised. I mean, I haven't seen you in a while."
She laughed. "Well, Christian got time off work and he suggested a trip. Naturally, you were the first person that popped into my head. I really missed you, sis."
I smiled. "I missed you, too." Although you're timing couldn't be worse.
"So," She began saying, as she and her husband sat down on the couch. "I called you about three weeks ago. You know, just to check in. But you weren't picking up."
I nodded, as I walked toward the recliner across from them and took a seat. "Yeah, I was uh....out. With some friends," I added.
She arched an eyebrow. "Really? Where?"
I scratched the back of my neck, laughing a little. "Germany."
Her eyes went wide, as did Christian's.
"You were in Germany?!" She squealed. "Doing what?"
I shrugged. "Nothing, really. Some of my friends invited me to go and I took some time off work. No biggie."
She laughed. "Yes, biggie. You never left the States before! How'd you manage to travel in a plane? They freak you out like mad."
Christian laughed and I felt my cheek burning red in embarrassment.
"N-No they don't."
"Aww, Izzy, Don't get embarrassed! I'm your sister! I know you inside out."
That just made my embarrassment grow even more.
Christian smiled. "Izabella, sei davvero molto carino! Esattamente come tua sorella."
I made a funny face, and glanced over at Danni. "What'd he say?"
She giggled, as she leaned her head affectionately on Christian's. "He said you look so cute. Just like me."
I bit my lip, letting out a small, awkward laugh. "Um, thanks."
Christian just continued smiling.
I breathed deeply and stood up. "So....are you guys staying here?"
Danni smiled. "If that's okay with you."
"Well, sure. But, um, my apartment is mostly fit for one person and you guys might feel a bit squished...."
They both laughed.
What a happy couple. Almost annoying in a way. I slapped myself mentally. Be happy for them, Bella. She's your sister!
"It's fine. Christian can sleep on the couch and I'll sleep with you in your room. Certo, Christian?"
"Certo, mia bella," He answered, kissing her.
I coughed awkwardly. "Um....okay. Do guys want anything to eat? I mean, I got some food stored in the cabinets somewhere..."
Danni waved her hand. "Not now. We ate on the plane ride and we stopped at a restaurant. Christian's a bit tired though, right amore?"
He nodded. I just stood there, understanding very few words.
I didn't remember my sister speaking so much italian. But anyway, I guess when you date a foreigner, you eventually end up learning their language. Like I did......with him. I sighed.
I felt like bursting into tears. But then how would I explain myself to Danni and her husband?
Ugh.
"Well, I'll go get a blanket and some pillows to make his bed. Be back in a sec," I said, quickly striding out of the living room. I heard both of them communicating in italian, which sent my mind flying. That was going to need some getting used to.
As I grabbed everything to make Christian's bed, I took a pause. It seemed like a lot had been happening to me lately. I was so glad to see my sister, but she couldn't have chosen worse timing. I felt a bit pressured.
"Here you go," I announced absently, as I waltzed back into the living room, carrying the pillows and a warm blanket. I then stopped dead in my tracks as I caught sight of Danni and Christian making out on the couch.
Jesus Christ.
I cleared my throat awkwardly. They didn't seem to hear me, though. I then cleared it again, only this time, much louder, causing my sister's eyes to pop open and pull her lips away from her husband's mouth.
She smiled sweetly at me, and stood up, taking the pillows from my hands. As she began making Christian's bed, I headed towards the kitchen, trying to find a bag of Dorito's I had seen earlier.
After a few minutes of me opening and closing cabinets, my sister walked into the kitchen with a smile on her face.
"How are you, sis?" She asked, sitting herself down on the small round table in the center.
I opened the fridge, grabbing a medium-sized bottle of orange juice. "I'm fine. You?"
"Very much. Christian is just....perfect," She said with a dreamy look.
I laughed quietly. "That's great. Juice?" I held up the bottle and she shook her head.
"No, thanks."
I shrugged and poured some in a cup, drinking the whole thing in two gulps. Danni eyed me suspiciously, crossing her legs. I sat down absent-mindedly, pouring some more juice in my cup.
"Izzy?"
I perked my head up.
"You okay? You look so tired," She commented.
I waved her off. "It's nothing."
She nodded. "You sure? Are we catching you on a bad time? I mean, we could go and-"
"Danni, please," I said with a snort. "I'm fine. You guys can totally stay."
"Oh, okay. It's just....I don't know. You just look so distant, sis. You sure there's nothing wrong?"
I finished my orange juice, pushing the empty cup aside.
I was definitely not ready to tell her about everything that had happened. She didn't even know I was friends with the most famous band from Germany. Although, I bet she would just love to know that I dated a foreigner. My sister has a thing with foreigners. At first, I thought it was strange that she never liked dating american guys. She told me european ones were way different. Now, I think I know what she was talking about.
They are different. I don't know how to explain, but they just are.
I quickly shook my head, knowing that Tom's face was desperately forcing its way back into my memory.
Danni just stared at me. I gave her a small smile.
"Nothing wrong. Everything's fine," I lied.
She pursed her lips. "Alright. But just know that you can tell me anything."
I clicked my tongue. "Gotcha."
She laughed. "You've changed."
I leaned back on the chair. "For better or for worse?"
"I don't know. I don't spend much time with you, so it's kinda hard to tell."
I nodded with a small shrug.
Danni began drumming her fingers on the table. "Hey, I know! I'll make us all dinner for tonight."
I eyed her. "You cook?"
"Of course," She answered, with a grin.
"Danni, I've never seen you cook."
She laughed. "Yeah, well, I spent a lot of time with Christian's family. When I stayed at his house in Italy for a few days, his sisters and mother insisted on teaching me how to work the kitchen. Now I'm a natural."
I cracked a smile. "Great. Then I totally trust you. What are you gonna make?"
She stood up, and went over to the cabinets. "What do you got?" She asked, rummaging around.
I shrugged. "Not much. I think I got some pasta in there, I'm not sure."
"Excellent!" She squealed, pulling out a package of pasta. "Christian loves pasta."
I nodded. "Awesome. So.....since your husband is so perfect, I'm sure everything's going great in the married life."
She laughed. "Yep. No complaints here." Then she spun around. "You got a boyfriend?"
I nearly knocked my cup over. Oh no. Why ask that?
It took a bit longer than expected for me to answer. "Um...no."
She made a sad face. "Why?"
"What do you mean why? I just don't."
"But you're so pretty, Izzy. And you've got a great personality. Are you romance deprived, by any chance?"
I snorted, with a roll of my eyes. "Let's change the subject."
She smirked. "So talking about boys makes you uncomfortable, huh? Okay, okay. Moving on. Where are your pans?"
I pointed to the cabinets under the sink.
"So, how's your friend? What's her name? Oh, yeah. Clara."
I licked my bottom lip. "She's good."
"You guys are still friends, right?"
"Yeah, yeah. Totally."
It seems like every conversation leads back to Germany.
I cleared my throat, in attempt to quickly change the subject. "You speak italian now, huh?"
"Si," She responded with a laugh. "There's no way you can live in Italy without knowing italian."
I nodded. "True." I then laughed a little. "Hey, your hair's red."
Danni wheeled around, with a hand on her hip and her right brow lifted. "You just now noticed?"
I smiled sheepishly.
She shook her head. "I dyed it a few weeks ago. Christian says it brings out my eyes."
"Yeah, it does. The blue really stands out."
"Your color brings out your eyes, too. They're a lot greener since the last time I saw you."
I laughed.
Maybe having Danni and Christian over isn't so bad. They'll surely help me forget about Tom. At least, I hope so.

___

"Dinner's ready!" My sister's sing-song voice chimed from the kitchen. She sounded like one of those perfect mothers you see on TV. It was pretty funny.
I walked out of my bedroom, where I was watching television. At first I had planned on watching TV in the living room, but I didn't want to disturb Christian, who was sound asleep on the couch.
The guy looked pretty cute when he slept. My sister sure knew how to pick them.
She always had good taste in men. Christian, for instance, was a tall, muscular man. I bet he could make a girl go crazy with his robustness. His hair was dark brown, with a few noticeable golden streaks. And his eyes. Wow. Sky blue. He basically just looked like he came out of a european fashion magazine.
"Hey, Izzy, can you wake Christian up and tell him to come eat?" My sister called out to me, poking her head out from the kitchen door.
"Uh, sure."
I walked over to the couch where he laid and stood next to it. I started poking at him, hoping he was a light sleeper, but the guy continued sleeping like a baby.
"Danni, he's not waking up!" I called.
A few seconds later, Danni came gliding in and laughed. "He's such a baby, isn't he?"
I made a face. "Oh yeah. Big baby," I answered wryly.
She bent down and began kissing his jaw, which made him sort of twitch.
"Bello, svegliari," She sang, now kissing him on the lips, which he returned, as he began waking up.
I covered my mouth, ready to hurl on my carpet. "Um, I'll be in the kitchen," I stammered, before disappearing off into the kitchen.
I heard my sister laughing and I just ignored her.
A few minutes later, Danni and Christian came walking hand-in-hand into the kitchen.
"He's awake," Danni said with a triumphant laugh.
I laughed awkwardly. "Yeah."
Christian walked up to the pan of pasta and smiled, taking Danni and kissing her on the lips. "Mio preferito."
She giggled, patting his back.
I choked down my pasta. Altough I was really happy to know that my sister and her husband loved each other very much and didn't mind showing the world, I couldn't help but feel out of place in my own apartment. Just seeing those two reminded me of..well, you know who.
"Izabella, I love your home. It is so nice and....piccolo," Christian said with a smile as he sat down next to me, placing his plate in front of him.
I smiled. "What does that mean?"
"It means small," Danni clarified, setting her plate of pasta down in front of her.
I raised an eyebrow. "Thanks, Christian."
"Prego," He answered.
I laughed under my breath. I felt like I was being surrounded with so many foreign languages. Pretty soon I'd end up losing english.
The three of us got to talking while we ate. Christian was a funny guy. Sure, you could barely understand his english, but you could tell the guy had a sense of humor. And I know he made my sister smile like no one else. Amazing how they'd been together for so long and not once got fed up with each other.
As I sat down to eat my second plate of pasta, I heard a rough noise coming from the living room. I narrowed my eyes and listened carefully, then realizing that someone was banging on the door in an incessant manner.
Danni looked at me. "Someone's at your door, Izzy."
I sighed. "I'll get it."
Christian stopped me from getting up. "No need to stand, Izabella. I'll get it for you," He said, before standing up and walking out of the kitchen.
I looked after him, then eyed my sister who just gave me a smile.
"Polite, isn't he?"
I furrowed my eyebrows, and shrugged. "Yeah, he is."
I hesitated before I began eating again. Maybe it was just Mrs. Cahill, my next door neighbor. For some reason, she would drop by every once in a while. I guess she was a pretty lonely old lady. Although, I did see her hanging out with an old guy from time to time. The noises I heard at night were pretty disturbing and I wondered if it really came from her apartment.
"Izabella," Christian said, as he came back into the kitchen, with a confused look on his face. "There is some boy here to see you."
I paused. "Boy?"
He nodded. "He's at the door. He looks furioso."
"What's that mean?" I asked, a tad panicky.
"It means mad," Danni said, also looking confused.
"Christian, what does this boy look like?" I asked.
Christian made a face. "Um...big clothes and weird hair."
I dropped my fork into my plate. "Oh shit." I stood up quickly and Danni did the same.
"Izzy, what's the matter?" She asked, placing a hand on my shoulder.
I shook my head. "N-Nothing. Um, stay here, Danni. I'm gonna go see what he wants. I'll be right back."
"But Izzy-"
"I'll be right back," I repeated, motioning for her to sit down, as I left the kitchen.
My breathing slowed down once I stepped into the living room. Tom was standing in the door entrance. I couldn't believe he was actually there.
Are my eyes deceiving me?!
His expression was impossible to read. Maybe a cross between angry and confused.
When he saw me coming in, his eyes came in contact with mine. I noticed his hands were shaking by his sides and I didn't come any closer to him.
"W-What are you doing here?" I sputtered, feeling my own hands shaking.
Tom's eye twitched and he took a step forward. "What are you doing here?"
I sneered. "I live here."
He sighed out. "Why did you leave?"
"You didn't just ask me that," I hissed.
"I can't believe you just fucking took off like that!" He exclaimed.
"Izzy? What's going on?" I heard Danni's voice coming from behind me. I turned to see her and Christian standing next to each other, staring at Tom.
I sighed. "Nothing."
"Doesn't sound like nothing," She said, suddenly glaring at Tom.
Oh God. What the hell is he doing here?!
"Could you excuse us for a second?" I told them both, as I power walked towards Tom and took him by his arm, dragging him out of my apartment.
"We'll just take a second," I announced, before closing the front door, with Tom and I now standing outside.
I glared murderously at him. "What the fuck are you doing here?!"
"What do you think? I came after you!" He shouted.
"You're in the middle of a tour!" I yelled.
"I don't care! What do you think I did when I found out you were gone? Huh, Bella? What?! I fucking flipped, that's what! You couldn't just take off like that!"
I fumed, balling my fists. "You son of a bitch! You think you can just come to my house and yell at me like this?! I left because of you! You were making out with some random whore in the club!"
Tom exhaled loudly. "I was drunk!"
"So what! That's not a fucking reason!"
"Of course it is! I was hammered, alright?! I do shit when I'm hammered!"
I laughed cruelly. "You bastard!"
"Bella, dammit, hear me out!" He shouted angrily.
"Get the hell back!" I warned. "Don't come any closer."
"Didn't you hear me? I went crazy when I found out you left! You think I didn't regret what I did? Of course I did! I wanted to drill a fucking hole in my head!"
"Oh, enough with the lies. I don't trust you anymore, Tom. I think you better leave!"
"No, I'm not leaving! I'm staying here with you! I fucking love you, Bella!" His words cracked as he tried touching me but I swatted his hand away.
"I told you to get the hell back," I spat, crossing my arms.
"Bella, I'm sorry for what I did! You don't know how sorry I am, but you have to believe me! I would never do something like that to you on purpose!"
I snorted. "Are you done yet? I have guests, if you haven't already noticed!"
He sighed frustratingly, banging his hand against my door. "Who is that guy in your apartment?"
I shook my head furiously. "You don't get to ask questions! It's none of your business!"
He scowled. "Please forgive me."
"No."
"Bella, please! I'm so sorry!"
"Yeah, you said that already," I snapped. "Is that all you got?"
Tom began breathing in and out fast. "What do I have to do? Huh? Prove it to you?"
"Oh you've proven a lot already. Don't even bother."
He threw his head back. "I'll do anything, Bella."
"Oh, give it a rest, Tom! You were never one for begging so please don't succumb to it now."
"Bella," He said, taking my hand. "I don't know what else to say!"
I released my hand from his and took a step back. "Go back to Germany, Tom."
"I told you I'm not leaving!" His angry self was returning. "I'm staying here."
I shook my head. "I'm not coming back to you."
His face fell, but quickly recovered, becoming furious again. "I love you."
"I don't care!"
"You're everything to me!"
"Bullshit!" I yelled.
"I'd go through hell for you, Bella! You know that? Hell!"
I felt the tears emerging from the corners of my eyes. I resisted like crazy. I wasn't about to have a breakdown in front of him. I suppressed my emotions.
"Just leave," My voice cracked. "I don't want to see you."
He bit back his lip. "Tough, Bella! I'm not leaving!" He took my arm, and I quickly tried to break loose, but he was a million times stronger than me.
"What are you doing?!" I shouted, fighting him off.
He wrapped his arms around me. "I love you, dammit."
"I told you, I don't fucking care!"
"Yes you do!" He shouted angrily. "You do and you know it!"
I shoved him away with a force that came to me out of nowhere. "I'm telling you for the last time. Leave now."
He tightened his jaw. "What if I don't?"
"I'll call the police. I'll tell them you're a deranged stalker."
He shook his head furiously. "You wouldn't do that!"
"Oh, yeah? Try me."
"So there's really nothing I can do? Nothing I say will make you be with me again?" He hissed.
"That's right."
"Are you fucking serious?!"
"Of course I am. Get back together? Not a chance."
"I can't believe you're doing this," He spluttered. "I said I'm sorry like a million times!"
"Yeah? Well sorry doesn't turn back time, now does it?!" I spat.
He lowered his head.
"You couldn't leave Germany, Tom. Do any of the guys know you're here?"
He didn't answer.
"You screwed your own band over, didn't you?! How could you do that?! Don't you care about your fans?"
"I care more about you," He spat.
I shook my head, holding my hands up. "I'm going inside. I can't stand being here with you right now."
He buried his face in his hands. "You're killing me."
"Yeah, well you turned my life into shit. Now we're even."
"Don't fucking do this! I need you!"
"No, what you need is a nice bottle of Vodka and a two cent hooker."
"No, I need you." He sighed. "You don't understand, do you?!"
"I'm going inside. I-I can't deal with this right now."
He grabbed my arm, stopping me. "Just hear me out! Please."
I crossed my arms.
"I've pictured my life with you, Bella. And as fucking corny as it may sound, I see myself growing old with you! I've done so much shit in my life, I made mistakes. But when you came along, I felt like I was doing something right. You changed me. And even before we got together, I knew I was going to be with you. Even when we fought like crazy, I still thought you were the most beautiful, smart, amazing girl I'd ever met. Everything about you lured me in."
"Tom, stop."
"No, let me finish!" He snapped, taking me aback. "I'm a jackass. That's no surprise. We've been through so much, Bella. You know me better than anyone. Sometimes even more than my own brother. I think about you every single fucking day, when you're with me or when you're not. And when Bill told me you left....." He trailed off, looking down.
I stayed silent.
"My heart literally inflated. Every nerve in my body shook. I just wasn't believing it. I fucking hated the thought of losing you. And when I realized you were really gone......a part of me disappeared, you know?"
My mouth trembled, and I felt my body shaking.
Resist. Resist.
It's too hard.
"I-I......" I tried finding words. It was like I had forgotten how to speak english.
Tom's brows furrowed, as if waiting for me to say whatever I wanted to say.
"Say something, Bella."
I clawed my way into my mind, seeking words I couldn't find.
Tom looked down at his hands, swallowing a lump in his throat. "So, I guess this is it. You really hate me."
I stood still.
"You hate me and I can't do anything about it," He said.
I still didn't answer.
He nodded, pressing his lips into a line. "I'll leave. I'm sorry." And with that he turned around and walked away, leaving me breathless, standing outside my door.
"Oh, and by the way," He said, turning around and looking at me from a small distance, "You really are everything to me. It's not bullshit." Then with his back facing me, he began walking away again.
Resist. Resist. Resist.
"I-I....I..."
Oh for crying out loud, Bella! What do you want?
My lip trembled.
Make up your mind!
"I.....I want........I want him!" I told myself angrily.
What about resistance? Have you forgotten about that?
I chewed on my bottom lip, watching Tom. "Screw resistance."
WHAT?!
I suddenly found myself leaping forward. And I ran. I ran my brains out.