Just Say Anything

Sometimes in life there are things that scare you more than anything else in the world. Those things for me are: failure, spiders, and love. Once upon a time ago, before James Macavoy came into my life I yearned for love, I eagerly awaited myself to fall in love. When James came into my life I got what I wanted, myself to love, but what was love ended up hurting me, I loved the man who hurt me the most. Since then I have been afraid to utter those words jokingly to somebody. I could say that to my parents and little sister and about inanimate things but not to anyone else. Zach knows what that I am terrified of love and he understands that, he still wants to be with me.

I walked downstairs and nobody was there, the clock said noon, Jack should be watching TV. Then I remembered he got up early to go hang out with Alex. My aunt and uncle were of course at work so I was here by myself. That's another thing that tends to frighten me: being alone. Ever since I got that phone call from James I couldn't be on my own, somebody needed to at least be near me.

To entertain myself I turned the TV on and began to watch the movie Sixteen Candles. Halfway through it my phone began to ring. I picked it up without looking at the ID.

"Hello?"

"Hi Addie!" chirped my little sister.

"Hey Faye, what's up?"

"Well you know how I have liked Tommy Kingsford for like ever?"

I smiled lightly at my sister's choice of words. She had liked this boy since she started middle school. "Yes, why?"

"Well I was at the pool today with Greta and Tommy was there. He walked over to us and began talking to me!"

"That's awesome Faye!" I told her. "What did you talk about?"

"He said that he liked my shirt, the Fall Out Boy one you got me. And then he asked if he could walk me home when I said that I had to go home."

"Awe, that was sweet. Did you let him?"

"Yes," she giggled. "Addie, he kissed me!"

"Really?" I was shocked, my baby sister had kissed a boy. I didn't even get my first kiss until I was sixteen…with James.

"Yes." She said. "Oh, mom is calling me now! I got to go! Bye!"

"Bye Faye, I love you."

"Love you too!"

I started to watch the movie again and finished it without another interupption. I began to grow bored, I could always call somebody but I really didn't want to, except for Zach, but I didn't want to seem clingy. James would say that I was too clingy and that I needed to back off, I didn't want Zach to think that as well. Somewhere in the back of my mind I was questioning myself. James had ruined me, he was a liar when it came to relationships, he said he loved me when he didn't, what if everything else he said was also a lie? Nothing has ever been this confusing to me before, not even algebra, and I suck at math. Apparently I also suck at chemistry. I sighed and laid down on the couch, face down, wondering what I was going to do for the day. Before long though, my phone began to ring again.

"Hello?"

"Hey Soph."

"What's up Zach?"

"Not much, do you want to hang out? Just you and me?"

Without a heisitation I answered him. Soon he was pulling up outside of the house and I was racing out to see him. He kissed me softly and asked if I wanted to go to the park with him. I didn't object, we walked there hand in hand, earning smiles from an elderly couple and a glare from some girl who looked no older than eleven. Zach saw that and chuckled, pulling me closer to him.

"Do you know her?"

"Yes, that's Hannah, she's my neighbor. She has had a crush on me since she moved in."

"How long ago was that?"

"Three years ago." He laughed. "I used to baby sit her."

"Now that is hilarious!"

At the park I sat down in the grass and watched as the clouds floated by. Zach lied down next to me, grabbing for my hand again. I looked at him and he blushed a little bit, I shimmied closer and kissed his cheek. We lay there for what seemed like ages, not saying one word, but it was fine, that time felt right. He squeezed my hand gently, breaking my concentration suddenly.

"I really wish you could stay Addie." He said to me.

"Actually Zach," I looked at him. "I might be. I hate Washington but I love Maryland, I want to stay even if it means leaving my family and Cheyenne behind."

"Are you serious?"

"As a heart attack."

"That makes me so happy." He whispered in my ear. "Soph…I have something I really need to say to you but I don't know how you are going to react. Just please don't hate me for saying it."

"What is it Zach?" I asked him, sitting up. "I am sure I can handle it you know."

"I love you."

He looked at me expectantly, my mind was going blank. Love? No, there was no way that he could love me, I'm not that pretty, I'm too clingy, I'm not good enough. Flashes of what James used to say to me came rushing back to me. Flashes of what James used to do to me came rushing back to me. I shook my head, trying to stop the memories from flooding back to me, they were so painful. Zach reached out, to calm me maybe, but I pulled away from him, he couldn't touch me. He was saying my name repetitively, yearning for me to answer but I made no sound to reply to him.

"Soph?" he questioned.

I shook my head and stood up, he was just as quick, he grabbed my arm and I wanted to scream but at the same time I wanted to fall into his arms. I removed his arm from me carefully and remembered when I did that to James. He had hit me so hard I was sure he had dislocated my shoulder, he didn't, but that was what it felt like. Zach didn't make a move to hurt me in anyway.

"Just say anything!" he pleaded.

"I-I got to go." I stuttered.

I ran as fast as I could back to the house and climbed into Jack's car. Luckily I had his set of keys, I needed them since I had to lock up the house when I left. Zach had raced after me and stared flabbergasted as I drove off. Fortunately he didn't follow me; I took off in the way Alex had that time when he wanted to show me a special place. Tears were streaming down my face, I couldn't stop them. I was confused, scared, mad, sad, too many emotions were building up in me.

The dirt road with trees surrounding was a sight that I craved to see and when I did I cried even more. I drove through, parking and got out and sat down staring at the town that I had just left, replaying the scene that had just went down not long ago. My mind still was working clearly enough, I tried to just breathe and calm myself down. Not long after I did that I stopped crying and could think more clearly.

Nonstop my phone began to ring; Zach, Zach, Jack, Jack, Jack, Zach, Brie, Kara, Brie, Rian, Zach, Jack. I didn't pick up for any of them, I didn't think I could. There was a lot that I had to deal with right now. Severing off what happened with James and thinking of the relationship I probably just ruined. Sighing I lied down on my back and closed my eyes. The relationship I have had with Zach from the beginning of the summer when I first came here was playing like a movie in the theaters: nonstop. My phone vibrated, the movie stopped. Alex.

I'm coming to get you.

Instead of replying I put the phone back on the ground next to me and laid back down. Of course he would come get me, he was my best friend in Maryland and the only one who knew where I might possibly be. Alex would be here at anytime and I wasn't sure if I was ready to face him. I still had things I needed to sort out and hopefully I would have it all figured out by the time he got here. It didn't take long for him to pull up next to the car I came in, not long enough for me to figure hardly anything out."

"Hey," he sat down next to me.

"Hi."

"Zach told us all what happened."

"He did?"

"Yeah, do you know why you ran?"

"I am terrified of love Alex and he told me he loves me. I freaked." I sighed. "My feelings for him are so much more than what I ever felt for James but I don't know Alex. A part of me can't let go of what James did to me even though I want to!"

"He doesn't care if you don't say it back you know?" Alex told me. "He just wanted to let you know how he felt."

I didn't say anything back to him, just thought about what he was saying. How could I not say it back to him? Isn't that rude? I sighed and Alex patted my shoulder sympathetically. Day was quickly fading away to my disliking, I wondered if they had told my aunt and uncle what had happened, I really hoped not. Everybody else I could deal with, my aunt and uncle were another story. Almost in the same league that Zach was in now. The silence was refreshing in contrast to what I was used to, and I didn't want to leave it, but I had to.

"Let's go." I said.

"What are you going to do?"

"I have no idea."