Just Say Anything

I had barely said anything since Zach told me he loved me two days ago. Jack hadn't told my aunt or uncle what happened and luckily they didn't notice anything, possibly because they work all day. Jack said that Zach was practically beating himself up for saying he loved me when it was obvious I was still vulnerable. Inside I felt so bad for making Zach feel like that and more than twice I caught myself crying again. I was afraid that James would find me again and hurt Zach in the process and I didn't want Zach getting hurt. I couldn't afford to get hurt anymore, it would destroy me.

In the past two days I have only talked to five people: aunt Michelle, uncle Dan, Jack, Alex, and Brie. Who I wanted to talk to tried to call me again and again but I wouldn't pick up; I was afraid of what I might do or say. As I said to Alex, I have no idea what I am going to; what I want to do is getting mixed in with what I am scared to do. The word fear has many different definitons, and three of them apply to me: to be anxious, have frightening thoughts, and worry. When I was younger I wasn't so fearful, I got anxious about things sure, first day at a new school, the usual; I was frightened of the monsters under my bed when I was really little, but other than that I was hardly frightened; then the worry, everybody worries, but I used to only be worried about passing tests, my grades. James cracked me.

A knock came on my door. "Come in."

"Hey Addison Sophie."

"Hi Jack."

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing really," I looked up. "Just thinking."

"About…?"

"That too." I said softly.

"Come on Addie," He said. Choosing to sit down, he patted my shoulder. "You need to do something."

"I'm fine Jack." I said melancholy.

"That's the thing Ad, you're not!" I didn't say a word and he sighed. "Come on, watch TV with me."

"Fine."

I followed him downstairs, not really wanting to watch television with him, but if it would make him happy and stop bugging me about Zach then I would. He turned on the TV and settled for That 70's Show on FOX, I didn't complain. Jack laughed humorously and I chuckled hear and there when he did, half-heartedly, I wasn't really watching. Something kept pulling me back to the situation at hand, I couldn't let go of it and I didn't know why. Sighing I tried to push all thoughts of that away and focus on the show, so far I was only doing an adequate job.

"Addie," Jack said. "Do you even like this show, because we can change it."

"No, no, that's fine, besides, it is almost over Jack."

"Well, okay, if you're sure."

"I'm positive Jack, this show is the best thing that's on now anyways."

"That is true," He admitted.

"See, we agree, don't turn the channel."

"Fine, fine."

At the next commercial my wandered away again but was brought back real quick by a news commercial. There had been a shooting in Tacoma, Washington, only one person was dead. I felt apprehensive, I had a feeling that I knew the person who was shot, I could always be wrong though. Jack gave me a weary glance because I had shot straight up and was practically staring a hole into the TV.

"Addison, I'm sure you don't know the person." Jack soothed.

"But I could Jack!" I cried. "I could."

For the rest of the show I sat like that, my mind going wild. Now if I was in Washington right now I wouldn't be like this, I would be going on with the rest of my show, not thinking anything of it. It has to be just because I wasn't there and my immediate family and best friend were there. In frustration I through a magazine at the TV when I realized that there was another half hour before the news even came on. Jack wanted to change the channel; I threatened his manhood if he even looked at the remote.

"Jack," I sighed. "How paranoid am I?"

"Normally, meaning usually, or like you have been recently?"

"Both I guess."

"Normally you are only slightly paranoid, like Brie or Kara. Recently you have been off the scale."

"I am such a freak!" I moaned. "Why can't I be normal like everybody else?"

"Nobody is normal Addison." Jack laughed. "Besides if everybody was normal then everybody would be the same. No individuality."

"When did you get smart?"

"I've always been smart thankyouverymuch!"

I didn't reply back to him, instead I turned my attention back to the show, another episode of That 70's Show. I was using this time to prepare myself for the worst that could happen with the news but also reminding myself that it might not be somebody I know. Jack was rambling slightly, talking to me, or maybe himself, I don't know, but I didn't care. Another set of commercials came on, along with that same news one.

"What's going on?" my aunt Michelle asked.

"There was a shooting in Tacoma and Addie is freaking, thinking it could be someone she knows."

"Addie, it might not be you know."

"I know."

The show ended and I was sitting in the same position, Jack too. Aunt Michelle and uncle Dan had joined us on the couch for the news, I started to shake. They started off with more local news, the east coast things, before getting to the part about the shooting in Washington state. I was listening very intently.

"Well," the woman said. "Today there was a tragic shooting in a mall in Tacoma, Washington. There had appeared to be a fight between two young men, both seventeen, Lewis Grant and James Macavoy."

I felt the three of them turn to look at me. Lewis was a friend of mine.

"A statement from Grant says 'He was talking about wanting to kill a good friend of mine, his ex. I got mad so I hit him, he was her ex, an abusive one at that, and he pulled out a gun.'" the woman said. "Before Macavoy could shoot Grant, he dropped the gun as he was stepped towards him. The trigger was pulled as he attempted to grab it, shooting himself instead. James Macavoy was pronounced dead at one ten pacific standard time."

James was dead. He was gone. My aunt and uncle put a hand on me to soothe me, but I shook them off. I stood up and ran out of the house, they called for me but I didn't look back. I ran as fast as I could. In that split second I found out that James was dead I got closure, I knew what I needed to do. This was what was right, it was what I had to do. Soon the house came into view along with him; he was lifting weights in the front yard.

"Zach!" I screamed.

He looked up, stunned, "Addison?"

I was standing in front of him, out of breath. He was staring at me as if I had been gone for years, his eyes looked so sad. I was trying to calm down, I pulled my inhaler from my pocket and took a few puffs.

"I love you."

His jaw dropped. "Soph, if you don't mean it, don't say it."

"I fucking love you Zachary Steven Merrick."

"I don't understand."

"For the last two days I have been a wreck." I told him. "You know I was afraid of love. I have been trying to figure things out, what was right and wrong. In my head I kept thinking James would find me and hurt you. I didn't want you getting hurt. I guess that doesn't make sense because I hurt you by running. Well, I got closure Zach."

"What do you mean by closure?"

"James is dead."

"Dead?"

"Yes, it was on the news." I said. "In that moment I figured out what was right and wrong. What I did before was wrong. What James did to me was wrong. But you are all right! Loving you is right."

He stood there looking at me, still in shock I assume. The weights he had been lifting laid abandoned on the ground separating me from him. Nothing in my life had ever felt so good, so sure! When I figured he was incapable of speech I stepped over the weights and kissed him passionately, not some little kiss we had before, this was the real deal. My tongue begged for entrance and he obliged to it. When we pulled away his eyes were shining bright, unlike they had been before: dull and lifeless.

"You mean it?" he asked.

"If I didn't I wouldn't have said it. Do you forgive me?"

"How could I not Soph? I love you."

I grinned, kissing him once more, my hands exploring over his hot, sweaty body. Zach's hands ran through my hair and down my back, softly. I moaned into the kiss and he bit down on my lip gently, his hands finally settling around my waist as mine made their way around his neck. A cliché kiss to go down for that history books that Alex Gaskarth sings about in Coffee Shop Soundtrack. This journey wasn't over yet, the relationship was still going, my trip hadn't ended yet. I still had time to spend with Zach, we had to make up for lost time over these last couple of days.

"Say it again." He begged.

"I love you Zach."

"I love you Soph."