Just Say Anything

After much persuasion, I was going to a party with everybody; I wasn't very good with parties since James, my defensive wall keeps coming back up. Jack promised me that there won't be a moment where I will be alone, but I have a feeling that there is going to be a moment as to where I will be by myself. The time at which he and Brie will be off, Rian and Kara, Alex and some chick, and Zack will probably be off talking to a friend. When those are the only people you know because you are in a state that is not really your home thanks to a slight technicality, you don't want to be left by your lonesome just in case something might happen.

"Addison Sophie," Jack said quietly, "I swear it will be fine."

The stench of alcohol was coming off the party full force, if we had been walking, we would have smelled it a mile, even two, away. Now even previously I wasn't one for alcohol, I had low tolerance for it, I got drunk too easily, but now my aversion to it was worse. Alcohol always made people angry, well, it made James angry, and I was vulnerable, even more so now, I couldn't take what was thrown at me, and I won't be able to take it now. When Alex handed me my first drink I accepted politely but gave it off to some random guy I saw, who smiled and returned to the conversation he was having with his friend. Jack gave me my second drink which I sipped cautiously, knowing if Jack made it, then barely any alcohol would be in my drink. After that Jack wandered off like I was expecting, leaving me to sit down unaccompanied, praying that no one would try anything with me.

"Hey Soph,"

"Hello Zack."

"Not a big partier?"

"No, parties aren't really my thing." I made a face. "Too much alcohol, drugs, and sex."

"I see," he paused, "so, are you just going to wait out here for awhile?"

"Yes," I said. "I'm designated driver anyways. Might as well steer clear from all that might possibly make me drive us into a ditch later."

"I'm sure you wouldn't do that," he looked at me and smiled. "Alex I think will probably be staying here with that girl over there."

"What he does is his business."

Zack sat there next to me in silence, perhaps taking in what I had said, or maybe he just had run out things himself to say. It wasn't an awkward silence, in fact, it was rather comfortable, just us sitting below the night sky, not saying a word. Under different circumstances this would have been perfect, but I can say that it was a little uncomfortable to be in a situation like this with Zack. I don't think he thought about that but it doesn't matter, he is here by me, what else could I really ask for? I wanted to say something to break this silence that was starting to seem as if it would never end but I was unable to find my voice to speak up.

"It's a nice night out, don't you think Soph?"

"Yeah, you can actually see stars here."

"Can't you see stars in Washington?"

"Yes, we can, but sometimes not as clear as you can here."

"That's deep," Zack said. "Are you a writer or something?"

"I love writing," I smiled slightly. "I can make anything happen when I write."

"Awesome, you sound like me, but music is my love."

Slightly I laughed at him, "You're in a band, I never would have noticed."

He laughed and then stayed quiet, I didn't want to interrupt him incase he was deep in concentration. So I sat there next to him, listening to the music that was coming from inside along with the laughter, the drunken banter, even some moaning, trying to distract myself from the fact that Zack Merrick was by me, without somebody else there too. There was always somebody else there too, whether it was Jack or Alex, Brie, Kara, Rian, there was never a moment where it had just been Zack and I; except for the day of the accident, and that was nothing like now.

If I turned around I could have seen many accounts of what would soon be sexual intercourses, plenty of drunken men with hands all over some woman, who would also be drunk. I could have seen my own cousin and friend making out and Alex handing drinks to random people between gulps of his own and Rian and Kara talking, dirtily, in a corner. These were reasons why I refused to look back and see the party scene; those and I was afraid I would get drawn into it. Like every time I look directly at Zack, I get drawn in by his beautiful eyes and can feel myself start to drown in a sensation I had only been familiar with once before. The one feeling I had hated so much because it led to so much pain, so much heartbreak. Love.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked me suddenly.

I didn't reply right away: him, alcohol, love, James; I would have to choose my words wisely. "Just about…before I guess."

"Oh," he said. "Something particular?"

"Kind of," I admitted.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

I hesitated. I could tell him about it all or just say no and leave him out in the dark, apart of me wanted to do both, while the other part wanted me to get up and run away. As appealing as the latter sounded the first part sounded better so I began.

"Well it's just about well James and alcohol and love." I stated. "You see, I loved James, I did, and I think he loved me too. And although he hurt me when he was sober, when he drank it was even worse which is to be expected but now I'm afraid."

"What are you afraid of Soph?"

"Love," I bit my lip. "Love terrifies me."

"Because of what James did?"

"Yes, because of what he did. I am petrified that the next time I let somebody love me they're going to turn out exactly like him."

"Not everybody is like that Addison." He said softly.

"I know," I said back just as quietly. "But they could be."

Slowly I edged closer to him so that we were barely separated and laid down on the ground, closing my eyes slightly. If I tuned everything out I would be able to fall asleep for a little while, until somebody came out wanting to go home at least. The presence of Zack was still there and I realized he had lied down too. I opened my eyes too look at him and saw him looking straight back at me. His eyes were quickly averted to something else but I pretended not to notice; I wasn't sure if I should feel offended.

"I love nights." I murmured to myself.

"Me too." Zack said, not realizing I hadn't been speaking to him. "Soph?"

"Zack?"

"What would you do if I kissed you right now?"

I was stunned, what would I do if he kissed me? I didn't have time to think about it because he didn't give me any. His lips attached onto mine and I felt myself relax and deepen the kiss, allowing his tongue to get inside of me. It ran around my lips and then he pulled away. I was dazed to say the least and he looked sheepish.

"I'm sorry," he babbled. "I really shouldn't have done that. Oh man, I am so stupid!"

I let him sit there prattling along as I tried to collect my thoughts. When I finally fathomed what had just happened I shushed him.

"It's fine." I whispered. He opened his mouth to speak but I cut him off, "Really, it's okay."

"Are you sure? I don't want that to be a regret, or for you to hate me. I just really like you Addie."

"I-I like you too Zack."

Once again our lips met, this time started by me; I wrapped my hands around his neck and when I pulled away I snuggled my head into his chest. When I kissed Zack it was different than when James and I had kissed. With Zack something lit, like a firework on the fourth of July, there were sparks and something special. He deepened the kiss and ran his hands through my hair as mine ran against his back. Again, we pulled away from each other and looked back to make sure none of our friends saw what happened, while drunk: that would have caused a scene. Under the star filled sky, with the background being a party, I felt so safe, so right, doing this with Zack.

Jack, Brie, Rian, and Kara all came stumbling outside and over to Zack and I. I pulled the keys out of my pocket and then guided them over towards the car with the help from Zack. Quickly I turned off the radio and started driving, I had to drop everyone off at their own houses. Finally it was just Jack, myself, and Zack left and Jack was passed out in the back seat; at Zack's house he leaned over and kissed me again but didn't make a move to get out of the car, he stayed there, looking as though he was contemplating something. Just as I was about to say something he began.

"I really do like you Soph." he said. "But I don't want to hurt you in any way."

"You would hurt me?"

"No, no, I don't want to," He sighed. "That's just the thing I am afraid that I might do something that might end up hurting you."

"I trust you Zack." I told him truthfully. "I don't think you will hurt me. You're nothing like James at all."

"That's good to hear," he ssaid wryly. "So then, I guess what I'm trying to say is, Soph, will you be my girlfriend?"

No warning bells went off telling me it would be a bad idea so I looked at him and smiled. His face was glowing in the light of streetlamp, making me smile a little bit more. He was looking at me expectantly, patiently, just waiting for me to give him an answer. I knew what he wanted the answer to be and I knew what my answer had to be. There was no more hesitation.

"Yes, Zack," I told him. "I will be your girlfriend."