Sequel: Purple Hearts

Cherry Lips And Tattoos

Height doesnt matter when you're lying down

Oh my god, no. As Milton and I walked up the drive his car was there. The BMW. My head was hurting after my earlier discussion with Adi. I'd been out of the house for hours with Milton, just thinking and I really could do without this.

As I approached he got out of the car. He looked dishevelled and his hair was all over the place. My fingers were entangled in his hair.

"I need to talk to you," he said. He looked like he hadn't slept much.

"Come on in," He still made my stomach lurch. I could still feel his tongue on my skin and the way he ran it along my bottom lip...

He bent and ruffled Milton's ears as I let us into the house. God I love you, should I just give in and say yes lets be together. No. I'd felt like this all my life and had to fight these feelings. They were wrong and he should be with Adrienne.

"Coffee?" I said letting Milton out into the garden.

"Yes please," he said. He leant on the kitchen top, watching me.

I made his coffee. I knew how he took it; I had made him hundreds of cups of coffees over the years. All those years when I'd wanted him. Now I could have him at the drop of a hat but it felt so wrong.

We sat at the table. He had his hands wrapped around the coffee mug and was looking into it.

"What a mess," he finally said.

"You could say that," I replied.

"We've hurt Adi," he said.

"I know. I've seen her, but I've cleared things up. I'm probably going to go away soon."

He looked up, stunned. "What?" he asked.

"I'm going away for a while, over to England to visit Charlie. I thought it would be for the best."

"Why?" he asked, his green eyes sad suddenly.

"I've caused trouble round here. Everyone must hate me and I think I need to take a rain check. It's too much for me being round here. I need a breather and dad's pissing me off a little just lately." Yeah dad had pissed me off big time about the way he had treated Hannah.

"I shall miss you," he said simply. Please stop looking at me that way, I'm not used to it.

I didn't answer.

"Franky?" sighed Billie.

"Please don't say anything Billie," I said getting up from the table. "I don't want to hear it." Tattoos.

"Please, let me tell you how I feel," He said getting up from the table and coming over to me. I could feel him next to me like I always did. Just felt him near by, his heat and his scent it had driven me mad over the years and was driving me mad now.

"You should be talking to Adi," was all I could think of saying.

"I have spoken to Adi and she knows the situation. I love Adi but I also love you," he said.

"Oh Billie," I said turning to him. "How can you love us both? You love Adi, with me its, its just something that's happened while you're having problems in your marriage. You have to forget it. I have," I said. Why did I say it? I hadn't forgotten it at all.

"Have you?" he said. He looked hurt. I didn't want him to look like that.

"Yes," I lied. It was me that was hurting him but I could do nothing about it.

"Have you ever had feelings for me.. you know.. in that way?" he said.

I looked up at him then. His face was so familiar to me. It had adorned my walls and had been in my mind for years. I knew every line, mole and wrinkle that he had, I bet could draw his face from memory without missing any detail I thought. I knew which strands of hair on his head always stood up on end. I felt I knew everything about him and had wanted him for so long and he hadn't even realised.

"Billie you have no idea have you?" I said

"What do you mean?" he answered.

"I can't really say. I thought you always knew. I thought it was obvious."

"What was?" said Billie.

"Billie I've loved you since I was 13 years old." There, it was said and there was no going back. He looked shocked.

"I have never been able to get you out of my system until...until that night and I realised that...that I don't love you at all. Not real love. Infatuation may be. A crush. Lust. You were something that I wanted but couldn't have. I'm going to be cruel now but..now I've had you I...I've realised I...I don't want you. I'm so sorry." Fuck it this was hard. I could have him, but why was I throwing everything away? Because it was wrong. I had to say all this to him even though I knew I loved him. I had to get him to get back with Adi.

Billie looked sad. Here was Billie Joe Armstrong of Green Day declaring his love for me. God it was so wrong but I should have been happy, as it had been what I'd always wanted.

"You're right," He said slumping back into the chair. "I never knew. I always thought we got on and had good fun together but.. I thought you had Charlie and then James. I never saw you that way until I got back from this tour."

"You need to talk to Adi, Billie and give it another try with her. Please. You have so much together please don't walk away from it all. I'm going away for a while, there's loads of time to sort it out together."

"Oh, Franky, things have gone too far," He said. He didn't want Adi anymore, why was she insisting that he should be with Adi. Because she doesn't want you. That's why, the sooner you realised it the better.

"Make it work. Work at it and I'm sure you'll be fine." God this was hard but there were his children to consider.

"Maybe," He lied.

"There. That's better than saying no, isn't it?" I said.

He didn't answer but just looked at me with his lovely green eyes.

"I could do with a hug," he said.

I went to him then and he stood up and hugged me. His hair tickled my nose as usual and I could smell his aftershave and minty breath and as always it hurt so much that I could just be with this guy. Its what he wants, its what I want but I felt as though it shouldn't be. I had to pretend I'd got over him, let's hope he gets over me then we can put this all behind us. How was it all going to end up?

Sammis Journal 1992

I have met the most wonderful guys. They are American and are in a band called Green Day. They are staying with Jen and me while they gig in London. They are such good company and are very talented. There is one guy called Tre who seems quite special. I hope something develops between us as we have loads in common...


Oh Mum. I don't know what to do. What a mess.

The next day...

After a restless night I'd made a conscious decision. I was going to forget Billie Joe. I felt he needed to get back with Adi and I wasn't going to get in the way. They were meant to be together, everyone thought so really and I was sure that they would realise this after a while. I had decided to make a go of it with Gerard. He was such a nice guy, handsome and talented, we were suited I was sure. May be he would be the one. I couldn't wait to meet him again and couldn't wait to get out of the house after all the goings on. I was glad that it was sort of clear with Adi and Billie but I still couldn't forgive myself. I'd let everyone down and I knew that dad was disappointed in me. I just wanted someone to come and take me away from it all. Gerard could couldn't he?

I checked my watch. 11.25. Not long now and he would be here. I wanted to see his face again and he had the most fabulous smile...

The doorbell rang. He was early.

There he was behind the glass door. I ran to let him in and he had a huge grin on his face. I loved his grin, it was so cheeky.

"Hi tiny," he said bending over to give me a kiss on the cheek.

"Hi. It's been a while," I said opening the door wide so that he could get in.

"Too long," said Gerard coming in with a huge rucksack on his back.

"What the hell have you got in there?" I say to him

"Just some water. It's a hot day and we'll probably need it after our climb."

"Good idea," I replied. "Shall we get going?" I said to him.

"Where's your Dad?" he asked

"He's out playing golf for the day with Mike, I think Billie has tagged along too even though he's not a keen player."

"Cool. I've never played the game before," he said. "Come on then. Lets get going."

We walked slowly up towards the mountains together, chatting all the time.

"Hey you've caught the sun on your shoulders," he said. "That still looks a bit sore, have you got something on that?" he asked. Firm fingers massaging my back

"Yeah, I've put loads of protection on today," I said my mind coming back to the present.

"Anyway, how was the tour?" I asked him. He had longer strides than me and I had to walk quite fast to keep up with him.

"Fabulous," he said. "Our fans are the best, I wished you could have come out once. I would like you to have seen us play at one of our shows."

"You know, I wished I'd come out to,." I said for more than one reason.

"Next time I'm going to take you with me." He said.

"Oh are you?" I say. "But may be I shall be on my own tour with my very own band Mr Way," I laughed.

"Of course, when's the single coming out, it must be soon?" he said turning to me.

"Well, it's getting radio play for the next month and then it'll be out a couple of weeks after that, so yeah, about six weeks and it'll be in the shops. I don't suppose anyone will buy it apart from our parents."

"Well, I will so that's one record sale. And I'll get the guys to buy one each so at least you know you'll have sold 5." He laughed.

"And that will probably be it." I said to him. Had he grown? He seemed even taller than usual, I noticed as we walked along. Or was it because I'd been used to short guys?

"Don't underestimate yourself Franky, your band is so good. Did you get round to making your video?"

"We did and it was awesome. It was all part of us playing and rehearsing and being in the studio for the first time. The guy captured some great shots of us messing about and being awestruck at the same time."

"It's great when you see your video on MTV and stuff," said Gerard.

"It must be," I replied.

"Yeah, its the best feeling ever," Said Gerard.

We'd climbed quite high in a short space of time and Gerard knew this little flat grassy area in the mountains. He said it was the ideal place to stop and watch over the city below.

"I've never been up this far, what a fabulous view," I say to him settling down on the grassy space.

"Now this is where I come to hide and get away from it all," he says sitting next to me.

"How often do you feel you need to get away from it all then?" I ask looking over at him.

"Quite often, what about you?" he said. He had such sexy eyes. Green eyes

"All the time." I replied looking away and staring out at the view.

"Why's that?" he asked. I could feel him looking at me still.

"Oh, this and that, I often get lonely and sometimes I still get a little down about mum, so I come up here," I said.

"I remember your mum. At the funeral I found it hard to see Tre and you so upset," Gerard said.

"Really?" I looked over at him.

"Yeah, I wanted to pick you up and give you a hug but it was a little inappropriate. You were so young and didn't really know you that well. I'd have probably scared you half to death." He smiled kindly.

"I remember speaking to you but don't remember what was said." I smiled back. "Oh shit there's a big rain cloud overhead," I say suddenly looking up at the sky.

"It may blow over yet," said Gerard laying out a blanket.

"Lets hope so," I said helping him lay out the corners.

He got out some bottles of water and gave me one

"Mmmm," I said drinking some and sitting next to him on the blanket

"So are you looking forward to touring again and where are you going this time?" I asked him.

"Yeah I love touring." Said Gerard. "We're off to Europe and spending quite a long time in England."

"Cool." I replied. "I hope you enjoy it there, its where I'm from."

"I guessed," he said. "And the best part about it is meeting the fans, they're awesome." He said.

"I just have to say I love the make up you wear on stage," I suddenly said to him.

"Thanks Franky," he said. "Some people think I can be a little scary." he laughed.

"You. Scary?" I laughed. "Do you do the make up yourself?" I said to him.

"Yeah. Yeah I do. When we're on TV though or doing a photo shoot we sometimes have a make up artist help out, but on stage, it is all my own work," he said.

"And you draw don't you?" I said taking another swig of water.

"I do. How about I draw you one day?" He asked suddenly

"What?" That took me back. Gerard Way wants to draw me? What for?

"I'd really like to," he said.

"Okay," I said. How could I refuse?

The cloud was coming over in our direction

"Oh crap," said Gerard as the spots of rain started falling onto the blanket.

"What shall we do?" I ask. "There's no shelter here is there?" I say to him and looking around.

"No." The rain was getting heavier and Gerard gathered up the blanket

"My apartment is about 15 minutes walk." He said. " Shall we head there?"

"Why not?" I say.

We gather our things together and head off down the mountain. The rain is really heavy by this stage and we are absolutely soaked. By the time we get to his apartment. My hair is in my eyes and the rain is running off my nose as I stand and wait for him to let us into his apartment block.

His apartment is on the top floor, it's a kind of loft apartment, all open plan and huge. It's awesome. There is a section with a fire dead in the centre with sofas and huge cushions scattered around it and the hugest TV I'd ever seen.

I stand there feeling awkward as he goes off to get a towel.

"You can take a shower if you like," he says "and we can put your clothes in the dryer."

"I'd prefer that." I said to him.

"There's a robe on the door and everything you'll need in the bathroom, loads of towels too," he said. "Shall I fix us something to eat?"

"Mmm please." I reply entering the most beautiful bathroom ever. I take a luxurious shower, which warmed me up immediately and I half didn't want to get out of it. Gathering up a huge fluffy red towel, I dry myself then put on his robe that was hanging on the bathroom door. It smelt of him. I had to roll the sleeves up twice and the robe was slightly dragging on the floor but it was warm and cosy and I felt better immediately.

I picked up my clothes from the floor and took them out. He was in the Kitchen preparing something.

"Just in time," he said taking my clothes from me and shoving them in the dryer.

I sat at the table and he laid double egg on toast in front of me.

"You remembered," I said

"Yeah, egg on toast, it's my favourite too." We laughed together and then tucked in and ate the lot.

Afterwards he showered and I looked around the room. It was obviously a man's apartment as there were no signs of anything female at all. A few pictures of the band hung on the walls and family shots of his parents and Mikey his brother. How sweet.

When he came out all he had was a towel wrapped round his waste and oh my god he has a good chest, well toned. My stomach had butterflies so I tried not to look in case I did something stupid like blush.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" he said rubbing at his hair with another, smaller towel.

"Yeah, why not," I say. I couldn't look at him, not at that moment.

"How about you choose one then," he said indicating a shelf full of DVDs.

I went over to take a look at the DVDs that he had.

"Bloody hell you do like your horror movies," I said running a finger over the DVDs trying to decide what to choose.

"Can you tell?" he laughed

"Just a bit," I said scanning along the shelves

"What about this old thing?" I said. "It makes me laugh and then you can put one of your scary movies on," I said holding up a DVD to show him.

I'd got out the first Austin powers film. It made me laugh every time I watched it.

"Good choice," said Gerard coming over to take it from me. He smelt all soapy and newly showered. He wandered over to the DVD and slipped it into the player, turned on the TV and fiddled around with the remote.

"You can sit down you know?" he said turning to me and indicating the huge sofa facing the TV. I went over to sit down and he sat down directly next to me, his newly showered smell wafting around. We watched the movie for a while and then he suddenly paused it and spoke.

"How about some popcorn?" he said turning to me.

"Yes please," I said. "You can't watch a good movie without popcorn can you?" I said to him.

He got up from the sofa and started off towards the Kitchen. "Now let me guess are you a sweet popcorn eater or a salty popcorn eater?" he said.

"Sweet," I replied smiling at him.

"That's good then because that's all I eat," he laughed. "Cherry cola?" he asked.

"Please Gerard," I responded. He seemed to know me quite well already.

We sat and ate the whole of the popcorn between us and finished off the film laughing at Austin Powers throughout.

Then he got up and looked along his DVD shelves for a horror movie and I went off to the bathroom to freshen up and put on some cherry lipstick, as my lips felt dry all of a sudden.

"You ready?" he said. He'd obviously been waiting for my return before he started the film.

"I think so," I said. "But I'm not really into horror movies" I said and he laughed.

*

About a half hour into the film and we were lying on the cushions. He was sitting butt up close to me and I had to avert my eyes into his chest at the scary parts. He laughed at me.

"Do you not watch scary movies at all?" he asked me.

"No, never," I said hiding my eyes again

"Shall I turn it off then?" he said laughing again at me.

"No it's fine, it's almost over anyway isn't it?" I half hoped.

"No, I'll turn it off, lets just put on a music channel and chat shall we?" he said getting up to find the remote and turn off the movie.

He came and lay back on the cushions.

"Oh my god," he says suddenly looking at the screen. "Its our Video, Helena."

"Do you know I've never watched this all through?" I said. "It reminds me of my mother's funeral, the colours, red and black."

"I'm sorry Franky, let me turn it off." said Gerard kindly

"No," I replied, "let me watch it all the way through once and for all," I say looking up at the TV.

We watched the video through together. I did have a little tear in my eye at the end and actually so did he.

"That was awesome," I say. "Wasn't the song about your grandmother?" I ask him.

"Yeah, her name was Elena though."

"Oh my god." I said

"What?" he said quickly looking over.

"I always said if I had a little girl she would be called Elena," I said. "I've always liked that name."

"Cool." He simply said, then changing the subject "Actually how about we play a game?" shit why had I mentioned children?

"A game?" I questioned.

"Yeah, we take it in turns to ask each other something but we both have to answer." He said sitting up.

"What do you mean?" I say to him.

"Like I'll say what's your favourite food? and you'll say 'egg on toast' and then I have to say what I like. 'Egg on toast obviously"

"Okay, but you start." I said.

"Right...What's your favourite colour?" he asks me.

"Purple, but you know that. Yours?"

"Black, sometimes red but YOU probably knew that."

"Yeah, it sort of figures." I say. Then decided what else I could ask him. "What's your favourite animal?"

"A black cat," he responds. "And yours?"

"A giraffe," I answer and then he laughs.

"Have you ever broken the law?" he asks me.

"Yeah." I say, remembering back to when I was younger.

"How?" he asks sitting up now and quite surprised.

"Oh...I stole some vodka and chocolate from a shop once, but I was only 13 and going through a trauma." I said, I didn't care what he knew about me.

"You bad girl." He said wagging his finger.

"Fuck off," I say looking into his eyes. "What about you then, have you ever broken the law?"

"Funny enough I stole some alcohol too but I didn't go so far as stealing chocolate." I playfully hit him then.

"What's your favourite fruit?" I say to him.

"Strawberries. And I bet yours is cherries," he responds.

"Yep." I say.

He thinks for a moment about the next question.

"Hhmm...have you ever kissed anyone famous?" he suddenly asks.

I hesitated.

"Yes." Billie Joe. "What about you?"

"No." he says quickly.

"What's the best thing you've ever done in your life?" I ask him.

"Form a band." He says quickly, no hesitation there. "And what's the best thing YOU'VE ever done?"

"That's easy," I say. "Its got to be when I won a drumming competition because if I hadn't I wouldn't have met my dad and be living here in California. And I wouldn't have got to meet you?" He smiled then.

"And what's the worst thing you've done?" He says.

I don't answer.

"Oh," he says sitting up and looking at me. "You ashamed of something?" he says his eyebrows raised.

I felt sick and my mind is in a mess so I get up and go over to the kitchen area and grab a glass off the side and get some water.

He's behind me suddenly.

"Are you okay Franky? I didn't mean to upset you, was it something I said. We'll stop playing the game now." He sounded concerned.

"No Gerard, its fine, I'll tell you." I suddenly felt I wanted to tell him everything.

"The worse thing I've ever done is...sleep with a married man. There, I've said it." I couldn't look at him though, just let him digest the information that I'd just fed him.

He turns me round to face him and then suddenly and effortlessly lifts me up onto the work surface so that my eyes are about the same level as his.

"Hey, don't feel ashamed Franky." He said. "When was this?"

I felt sick and looked away.

"Just two days ago." I said.

"Oh."

"It was a friend's husband." I said to him.

He didn't respond.

"I was upset and had too much to drink, which is no excuse really." I still couldn't look at him.

"What were you upset about? He said "and anyway, you don't usually drink," he said.

I started crying then, it had got to me again.

"Hey.. I'm sorry," said Gerard reaching across for a tissue. "Lets forget the whole thing, this is getting way out of hand." He said.

But then I felt the need to carry on and tell him.

"...because I'd slept with someone the previous night, it was James from the band and I realised afterwards that I'd made a huge mistake. I overhead him on the phone saying he'd slept with me for $300."

"The bastard." Said Gerard stroking my arms.

"Yeah and then he wanted another $300 because..."

"You don't have to tell me Franky," he said still caressing my arms.

"Because he was my first," I replied.

"The motherfucking bastard, come here," he said and snuggled me into his warm chest and it felt soooo good.

"Does your friend know that you slept with her husband?" he said into my hair.

"Yeah. She came round to our house and it all came out in the open and dad knows about it too," I sniff.

"Fuck," said Gerard simply holding me close to him.

"Yeah. Fuck." I said. "I've made a big mistake here, I'm ashamed and it was so wrong of me."

"Are they happy together? This friend and her husband?" asked Gerard.

"No. They are sort of separated. It hasn't worked out for them."

"Well then." he replied.

"That doesn't make a difference," I said to him. He pulled away from me and looked me in the eyes.

"It takes two you know Franky" he said simply.

"I know but.. he's married," I said. He was being so kind and understanding, what a lovely guy.

"Yeah and he knows that too," said Gerard wiping a tear from my cheek.

"But I'm disgusted with myself." I said.

"Don't be Franky, these things happen. I don't think any less of you; you know you have got to be the least offensive person I've met in my life. There's not a bad bone in you."

I didn't know what to say then but I just looked at him into his wonderful dark green mesmerizing eyes. I wanted him to kiss me suddenly, he understood me. I hope he wanted that too. He did.

His lips came towards mine, the most perfect, softest lips in the world. Oh my god what a wonderful kisser, but he didn't do the thing that Billie Joe did where he ran his tongue along my bottom lip. Shit what was I thinking of him for. We kissed for ages then he said with his lips still against mine. "I've finally kissed your cherry lips," and we laughed and hugged.

He lifted me off the work surface so easily then swung me into his arms and carried me over to the cushions where he laid me down and undid my robe. He started kissing my neck then he suddenly stood up and took off his own robe. He lay next to me, the two of us naked together and then he did the most wonderful things to me. He kissed me and touched me all over, making me come alive once again.

"Your skin is so soft" he said breathing heavily and going down to kiss my tattoo. let me take you to get some more tattoos done

Afterwards he wrapped me up in his arms. We lay there for a while; just holding each other then I suddenly spoke.

"You were right," I said glancing up at him.

"Was I?" he said "About what?"

"You said something that night at the Grammy's and I'd always remembered it."

"What was that"? said Gerard.

"You said height doesn't matter when you're lying down."

"Oh my god, please do not remind me. I got embarrassed about that and that's something I never do, get embarrassed. Look I'm blushing now thinking about it," he said his eyes twinkling

We laughed together and I lay on his chest and we fell into a contented sleep.

I woke up and look at my watch. It was 3am and we'd been asleep for a few hours. I looked over at Gerard. What a beautiful face you've got I think to myself, and then touch his jet-black hair, so soft. You are such a lovely guy, and then I have this sudden urge to kiss him awake.

"Mmmm," he says one eye creeping open. "I like this alarm clock," and then he grabs me and we make wonderful love again.

We slept until 8am then I decided to sneak off and get another shower. My clothes were now dry and I put them on even though they were crumpled. I put on some coffee.

"Hey that smells good," he said coming over and giving me a hug.

I poured out some cereal into two bowls.

"You know Franky I love that tattoo of yours by the way," he said coming to sit down at the table.

"Thanks. My mum had exactly the same one, I only had it done fairly recently.
I notice you don't have any though Gerard"

"No I hate needles and I don't think I'll ever get a tattoo done. I'm a baby when it comes to that stuff. Do you think you'll get any more done?" let me take you to get some more tattoos done

"Yeah I have this thing that when I meet the man I want to spend the rest of my life with I'll have a little discreet purple heart done with his name next to it. May be on my wrist so it can get hidden under a watch or something." What was I going on about?

"Cool," he said picking up a spoon and eating his cereal. I decided to change the subject he must think I'm a moron. Why had I mentioned that? How many people had I now blurted that out to?

I asked if he was looking forward to the tour as suddenly the atmosphere was quiet and I didn't know what to say to him. I'd probably asked him this question before.

"Yeah I love travelling. I'm quite a free spirit you know," he said. "I don't like staying in the same place for long and I can't see me setting up home with anyone or getting married or having kids, I just think it would cramp my style. Its not me at all" he said matter of factly.

My stomach fell and I felt sick, I'd blown it. I thought we could have had something here. I really thought he felt something for me but obviously I had been wrong. Why had I mentioned Purple Heart tattoos and the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with? I'd frightened him off. He was not the marrying kind, didn't want kids. He obviously didn't want the same things as me but I wanted him to.

Could I change him? No probably not, he was over thirty years old. Surely he would have wanted that stuff by now. I'd best forget it. He didn't seem the type to be changed by a young girl and that was probably all I was to him a young girl that he had managed to get into his bed. Shit. I really liked him too and I thought he could get my mind off of Billie Joe. It had been working up until now. Hadn't it?

After breakfast I gave him a kiss on the cheek and thanked him for a lovely day.

"Let me drop you home," he said getting up from the table.

We sat in his car silently back to my house.

"Take care on tour and I hope it goes well for you," I say. I am so embarrassed I didn't know what else to say to him. What had I been playing at staying at his last night?

"Thanks Franky," he says and he comes in for a kiss, a long lingering one. I wanted him so much but knew that it couldn't go anywhere if that's how he felt.

I let myself into my quiet house with a heavy heart, went upstairs and slumped on the bed.

I am officially a slut, I thought. I have slept with three different men in three different days and I am so ashamed of myself.

I picked up mum's journal.

1992
I am in love. I am in love with Tre Cool and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. We spend so much time in bed its untrue! This guy is so talented and funny and handsome. I'm so glad he is in my life.


Mum you are so lucky, you found someone to love and love you back.