Hurtful Words

Ronnie first overdosed on New Years Day. I still remember it so clearly and often, whenever I think of him, it’s the first thing that comes to my mind.

Christmas came and went and it was New Years Eve before we knew it. I had seen my Mom off that morning. She and Dirk were going away that evening for a week and I’d wanted to wish her a Happy New Year before she left. I hadn’t spoken to her since the day after Christmas when my Mom and I had been to visit Dane. Max had gone with us and, for the first time visiting my brother since he had died, I hadn’t felt that hollow, empty, sickly feeling at the pit of my stomach. People would say the pain was getting better, but it just made me feel that much worse.

After seeing my Mom I cleaned the apartment. Max was working but only the morning shift and we had arranged to have dinner before he went to his girlfriend’s place. The girlfriend I was still yet to meet. She was throwing a party and told Max I was welcome to join, but I had refused. No doubt Ronnie would be out for the night and I was relieved to have the apartment all to myself for a change. I didn’t really have that many friends in Vegas, even before I left for Aberdeen. I hadn’t been shy; I just hadn’t really fit in anywhere. Besides, I had always had Dane and Max. I had looked up to them both; no matter how much trouble they seemed to get me into. Since returning to Vegas, I’d been so busy with work I’d hardly had time to make friends. So, my New Years plans were looking pretty minimal, to say the least. I was lying on the sofa, half asleep, when Max walked through the door.
“Hey Kiddo,” he said as he walked towards me, his arms occupied with brown bags, and leant down so I could plant a quick kiss on his cheek.
“Hi,” I mumbled rubbing at my eyes and getting up to help him put the groceries away. I had only taught Max to shop for groceries a couple of days before Christmas and was surprised to see he had taken it upon himself to do the shopping. “So, what were you thinking for dinner?” he asked as I handed him a box of cereal to put away.
“I don’t know,” I replied, “Let’s just order take out or something.” I continued to put the last of the groceries as Max dialled a local take out restaurant and ordered.

Half an hour later and our food had arrived. Max sat at the table while I sat on the kitchen counter and we chatted back and forth. At around six o’clock, Ronnie surfaced from his room. It was the first time I’d seen him since the night before when he passed through the lounge room on his way out, but that had only been for a second or so. When he had gotten home, I was already in bed, half asleep. I hadn’t even noticed as he entered the kitchen, only looking in his direction when I noticed Max was staring. He had been in the shower; his dark hair was slick, sticking up in odd directions, and he had one of the white towels I’d bought for the apartment wrapped lazily around his waist. As he walked past me into the kitchen I couldn’t help but notice he smelt of soap and warm skin.
“Hey stranger,” Max joked flicking a piece of green from the noodles he was eating at Ronnie with his chopsticks. Ronnie lifted a hand, trying to deflect it.
“Hey,” he muttered, looking over at me with an unreadable expression on his face. I met his gaze for a second before looking down quickly at the take out I was eating, digging through it with my chopsticks.
“Where are you off to?” Max asked. Ronnie stood between my legs, which were jittering up and down uncomfortably, and reached into my take out container, picking out a long noodle and slipping it between his lips.
“Out,” he mumbled around the mouthful of food. Max rolled his eyes and went back to his food, picking out any form of vegetables and setting them on the table beside him. “What about you, Lindsey?” Ronnie asked, leaning in to me a little, but not nearly enough for Max to notice.
“What?” I asked. He turned to face me, resting his hands on the counter between my legs.
“I said,” he began, lowering his voice, “what about you?”
“Oh, I, um, I’m not doing anything,” I replied, trying to avoid his gaze. He opened his mouth to say something else when Max interrupted, completely oblivious to our conversation and still occupied with the vegetable matter in his food.
“Why the fuck do they put so much green in their food?” he asked, angrily flicking a piece of it across the kitchen.
“Hey, Max,” Ronnie said, not once looking away from me, a sly smile plastered across his face.
“What?” Max asked sounding thoroughly annoyed.
“Did you know Lindsey’s not doing anything tonight?”
“Yeah,” Max replied, “She doesn’t know anyone in Vegas, anyway.” I couldn’t help but look confused, not really understanding what Ronnie was getting at. He simply raised an eyebrow at me and went on.
“I’m going to this party tonight,” he said, “I think she should come with me.” Max looked up at the two of us.
“What party?” he asked, “You didn’t tell me about any party.”
“It’s nothing big,” Ronnie said, glancing over his shoulder at Max for a second, “just a few friends.”
“Yeah right,” Max scoffed.
“So, what do you think?” Ronnie asked Max.
“What do I think about what?” he snapped. I set my take out container on the counter beside me. Ronnie picked it up and took the chopsticks from my hand, beginning to eat whatever was left, carefully picking around any vegetables, just as Max had.
“Inviting Lindsey,” he replied, digging through the noodles. Max gave a snort of laughter and got up from the table, searching through the refrigerator for something to drink.
“She’d probably take one look at your friends and run ten miles in the other direction,” he replied. I folded my arms over my chest.
“I’m sitting right here, you know,” I muttered in annoyance.
“I know,” Ronnie smirked, adjusting his towel, which had been sinking lower and lower on his hips, and taking a seat beside me on the counter, so close his arm brushed against mine every time he lifted the chopsticks to his mouth. Max turned to me, opening a can of soda and thrusting it in my direction. I took a sip and handed it back.
“Fine,” Max sighed. “You’d probably take one look at Ronnie’s friends and run ten miles in the other direction,” he repeated, rephrasing what he had said slightly.
“How do you know?” I asked, indignant as I sat up a little straighter.
“Trust me,” Max replied, sitting at the table once more. Ronnie laughed, shaking his head as he continued to pick through what had once been my dinner. I looked between the two of them before getting up off the counter.
“You know what, Ronnie?” I asked. He looked up at me as he sucked a noodle that was hanging from his mouth between his lips quickly. “I think I might take you up on that offer,” I said, wiping my hair out of my face. Ronnie looked somewhat shocked for a moment before going back to the food he was eating. He looked up at me again a second later. “Well, go get dressed then,” he said, nodding towards my bedroom. I could still hear Max and Ronnie as I reached my bedroom door, but only just.
“What?” Ronnie laughed, and I could only guess that Max had flicked a vegetable he had found across the room at him.
“You’re a fucking idiot sometimes, you know that, right?”

It didn’t take me much longer than 20 minutes to get ready. I wasn’t really sure what to wear but decided on a black dress my Mom had bought me as a Christmas gift the year before I left Aberdeen. I’d tied my hair back from my face and had applied a little mascara before walking back out to the lounge. I could hear the shower running and presumed it was Max. He had offered to drive Ronnie and I to this party, insisting that a cab would be too expensive; though I’m sure he only wanted to check up on me. I wandered through to the kitchen, finding Ronnie struggling to put his watch back on. He glanced up at me for a second. He looked me up and down quickly before returning his attention to his wrist.
“What, too dressy?” I asked, opening the refrigerator and grabbing a bottle of water.
“No, uh, no,” he replied, going back to putting his watch one, “you look nice.”
“You too,” I said, though I hadn’t really noticed what he was wearing. I took a sip of water and looked over at him. He had one a dark grey, button down shirt with the sleeves rolled to the elbow and a pair of black pants. His dark hair looked clean, for once, and his almond shaped eyes were rimmed with the messy black liner he always seemed to be wearing. He looked up at me again, flashing me a small smile though his forehead was creased with concentration. “Here,” I sighed, putting my bottle of water back in the fridge, and walked over to his taking his wrist in my hand, “let me do it.” Ronnie gave a dissatisfied growl but let me fix the clasp on his watch anyway. “Thanks,” he mumbled, running a hand over his face. I shrugged and grabbed the dishcloth from beside him, turning to wipe the bench behind me clean. I jumped a little as I felt Ronnie press himself against me, pushing the cloth from my hands. “Why are you always cleaning?” he asked, shoving the cloth further across the bench. I reached for it but he was too quick and held it high above my head.
“Ronnie,” I laughed as I tried to grab at it, “Ronnie, what are you doing?”
“Nothin’,” he smiled, bouncing the dishcloth above my head, pulling it from my grasp each time I managed to get to it. I folded my arms across my chest and scowled at him. “Oh, don’t be like that, Lindsey,” he said, throwing the cloth into the sink. I ignored him. “Come on, Lindsey,” he growled, brushing against my neck with the tip of his nose.
“Ronnie, stop,” I muttered, pushing against his chest with the palm of my hand.
“Maybe we should have sex,” he replied, leaning back against the counter.
“What?” I stammered. I was sure my cheeks had turned bright red. Ronnie leaned close to my ear.
“Well, I’ve got a spare 15 minutes and all day long I’ve been thinking about fucking you,” he whispered, his hot breath crawling along the skin of my bare shoulder. My eyes widened. I wanted to say something but I couldn’t seem to find my voice. At that very moment Max walked through the corridor. I quickly jumped away from Ronnie only to receive a disapproving grunt in reply.
“Ready to go?” Max asked, completely blind to anything that had been going on, as he finished buttoning his shirt.
“Sure,” I replied, tucking my hair behind my ears quickly, “let me just grab my bag.” Though I couldn’t see him, I was sure Ronnie was watching after me and as I left the room I could hear Max’s threatening words ring throughout the apartment.
“You let anything happen to her tonight,” he warned as he jabbed Ronnie in the chest a couple of times with his index finger to make sure he got the point, “ and I’ll fucking kill you.”