Hurtful Words

I’d been working so much that I hadn’t even noticed as the months passed and I was soon nearing my twenty first birthday. The apartment had been quiet. Max was always with his girlfriend or shut away in his room and I hadn’t spoken to Ronnie since that night in my bedroom. I was trying to get him off my mind. And it had been easier than I’d thought. I saw Ashlin almost every day and when I wasn’t I was at the clinic I would be at Evan's place with him. It was during the first month of summer that my mother announced she was moving in with Dirk. It had come as a shock to me at first, I suppose, but once I had gotten used to the idea, I was happy for her.

I was in my room getting ready for dinner at my Mom’s house. She had asked me to have dinner with her and Dirk and usually I wouldn’t think anything of it. That is, until she invited Ashlin. I wasn’t sure if I was nervous or excited or absolutely terrified by the idea but I had accepted the invitation anyway. I was fussing over my hair when my cell phone went off. I stumbled over to my bed in the heels I was wearing to answer it. “Hello?” I mumbled.
“Hi, it’s me,” Ashlin replied. My voice brightened as soon as I realized who it was.
“Hi,” I said breathlessly.
“Listen, Lindsey,” he muttered into the phone. From the background noise I guessed he was still at work. “I’m a bit caught up here,” he said and my smile faltered. “I know I said I’d pick you up but do you think I could just meet you there instead?”
“Sure, do you have the address?”
“I’ve got it right here,” he replied, his tone a little warmer.
“Great, I’ll see you there then?”
“I wouldn’t miss it for anything.” With that, he hung up the phone. I fixed my hair one last time before grabbing my bag and dropping my cell phone inside. Walking slowly so as not to trip in the ridiculously high shoes I was wearing, I opened my bedroom door and made my way to the lounge. I was surprised to find Ronnie sprawled out on the couch, reading a magazine, and Max in the kitchen looking for his keys. It was the first time in over a month that I’d seen both of them in the same room. “Can I get a lift?” I asked Max as he pulled his shoes on.
“Sorry, Linds,” he mumbled in reply, “I’m already late.”
“Late? Late for what?” I enquired in disbelief.
“You’re not the only one with places to be,” he answered icily, making his way out the front door, slamming it behind him. I watched after him in shock, my mouth hanging open slightly.
“What’s his problem?” I asked Ronnie. He shrugged, not even looking up from the magazine he was reading. I stood there in silence for a moment before I finally gave in. “Well, can you take me?” Ronnie looked over at me, raising an eyebrow.
“Take yourself,” he replied simply.
“I can’t.”
“What?”
“I can’t,” I repeated a little louder, “I can’t drive.”
“What?” he asked for the second time, resting the magazine on his chest, laughing slightly.
“You heard me,” I snapped.
“You can’t drive?” he smirked, “What are you, thirteen?” I narrowed my eyes at him.
“Can you take me or not?” I asked, frustrated with him for poking fun. He looked me up and down a couple of times before pushing his magazine to the floor.
“Yeah,” he replied hoarsely, “yeah, just let me get my jacket.”

The drive was silent and Ronnie left the windows down. The warm breeze blew my hair into my eyes as Ronnie lit his third cigarette. “Take a right,” I mumbled, pushing my hair off my face. He turned the corner, letting his hand rest lazily on the steering wheel while the other held his cigarette by the window. I wanted to say something, but I wasn’t sure what and so I kept quiet, thankful as we pulled up in front of the house. “So, this is your Mom’s place?” Ronnie asked, flicking his cigarette butt out the window.
“Yeah,” I muttered as I climbed out of the car and smoothed down my top. “Thanks for driving me,” I added as an afterthought and closed the car door after me.
“Anytime,” he replied and leant over to the open window on the passenger side.
“Hey, Lindsey!” he called after me when I was halfway up the drive.
“What?” I hissed, stumbling back to Ronnie as I noticed Ashlin’s car coming up the street.
“You look nice tonight,” he replied simply and turned the key in the ignition. I flashed him a small, confused smile.
“Thanks,” I said softly, tucking my hair behind my ears and stepping away from the car as he pulled away from the curb.
“Was that Max?” Ashlin asked, closing his car door behind him and giving me a quick kiss on the cheek as he came to meet me.
“Uh, yeah,” I replied, “he was just dropping me off.” Ashlin nodded thoughtfully before pressing a hand to the small of my back. I'm not sure why I didn't tell him it was Ronnie. Perhaps I felt guilty. Perhaps I was supposed to.
“Should we go inside?” he asked, chuckling softly.
“Sure,” I said, “you go ahead. I’ll be there in a minute.”
“Okay then,” Ashlin replied and placed another kiss on my cheek before making his way to the front door. I stood perfectly still in the warm night air watching as Ronnie’s taillights disappeared into the inky black sky.

After dinner, I helped my Mom pack away a few of her things before Ashlin dropped me at the apartment. I was warm and dizzy from the couple of bottles of wine Ashlin had brought to dinner, and a contented smile made its way across my face as I reached the apartment door. I fumbled with my key for a moment when the door swung open. “Max?” I stammered in surprise, not expecting him to be home, “What are you doing here?” I dropped my purse on the kitchen table causing it’s content to spill out onto the floor.
“Well, I live here,” he snapped slamming the door closed behind me.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” I said sarcastically. “I just though, hmmm, how did you put it?” I pressed my fingers to the bottom of my chin in false thought, “Oh, that’s right, I wasn’t the only one with places to be.”
“Fuck off,” he growled, pushing past me to get into the kitchen. I stumbled backwards slightly and sunk into the chair behind me.
“No, you fuck off,” I replied sharply, “What’s your problem, anyway?”
“Nothing,” he mumbled, passing me a glass of water. I rolled my eyes at him. I couldn’t be bothered with another argument. He rummaged through the refrigerator for a few minutes longer until I got fed up with the silence.
“Where’s Ronnie?” I asked, trying to change the subject.
“Why do you care?”
“I was just asking,” I shrugged, trying to ignore his mood, and pushed him out of the way lightly.
“Yeah, whatever.” I shook my head and threw the leftovers I guessed he had been looking for in his direction.
“You’ll only want to heat them for a minute or so,” I told him and pulled his hand away from the microwave, changing the settings for him.
“I know what I’m doing,” he snapped, and pushed me away. I stumbled backwards and hit my elbow against the counter edge, yelping in pain. “Shit, Lindsey,” Max said, reaching out for me, “I didn’t mean to push you that hard.” I flinched as his fingers brushed against the split in my skin. He pulled his hand back, shocked by my reaction, and noticed the dark red blood glistening on his fingertips.
“Don’t touch it,” I whimpered, twisting my arm so I could see my elbow better.
“Lindsey, I’m really sorry,” Max gushed as I sat down by the table, “It was an accident, I swear.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I mumbled, “Can you get me a bandage?”
“Sure,” he replied and jumped to his feet, searching through the cupboards, “sure, anything.” I licked my lips as I felt the blood ooze down my arm. I wiped at it tenderly as Max handed me a bandaid.
“I’ll do it,” I said quickly as he peeled the backing off the plaster.
“I’m so sorry, Lindsey.”
“Max,” I whined, “It’s fine, really. It doesn’t even hurt anymore.”
“It’s not just that,” he sighed running a hand over his face.
“What’s with you lately?” I asked, pressing the bandaid over the split on my elbow. “If you wanted me out, you just needed to say so,” I continued carefully. I really hoped that wasn’t it. With my Mom moving in with Dirk, it would be really difficult to find somewhere else to stay.
“What? No,” Max replied, shaking his head quickly, “No, that’s not it.”
“Then what is it? Because I’m getting tired of having to tiptoe around you all the time.”
“Tiptoe around me? Tiptoe around me?! I’m the one who has to tiptoe around this fucking apartment!” he growled, his mood changing suddenly.
“What?” I asked, clearly confused.
“Oh, come off it, Lindsey,” he snapped, “You and Ronnie are together, then you’re not, then you are, then y-.”
“Wait. You don’t thi-,” I began, laughing slightly, when Max cut me off.
“Well, what am I supposed to think?” I shook my head at how ridiculous he was being.
“Max, Ronnie and I aren’t…,” I said slowly before Max interrupted again.
“He’s bad news, Lindsey,” he said. My stomach dropped as those familiar words fell from his mouth. My memory raced back to that night in the kitchen of my mother’s house with Max, Ronnie and Dane. ”He’s bad news,” Dane had said, ”I don’t want you coming with us.”
“Bad news?” I asked in disbelief, my mouth going dry at the thought of my older brother.
“He’s j-,” Max began to say but I wasn’t listening.
“That’s some way to talk about your best friend,” I accused as I crossed my arms over my chest.
“I’m just trying to look out for you,” he sighed.
“Yeah? Well, don’t,” I snapped.
“Listen, I don’t…I don’t want to argue. I’m just, I don’t know, tired. I’m going to bed.” I nodded slowly and said a quick goodnight as Max retreated to his room.
“Hey, Lindsey?” I glanced over at him as he paused at his bedroom door. “I really am sorry,” he said quietly. Before I even had the chance to answer him he had closed his door.

It was almost a week later when Max spoke to me again. I felt as if both of my roommates had been avoiding me so I’d taken to staying at Evan’s place with Ashlin. I was back at the apartment, picking up some clothes, when Max stopped me. “Hey,” he said breathlessly, catching me just as I was walking out the door. I smiled at him and turned back to the door when he stopped me again. “Hey, wait up.”
“Max, I really need to get going,” I replied, motioning towards the door.
“I’ll only be a second.” I nodded for him to continue and he began to rub the back of his neck. “I know your birthday’s coming up,” he told me, glancing in my direction and acting as if the conversation we had had hadn't even happened. I wanted to say something about it but I was relieved to be speaking with one of my best friends again that I didn't mention it .
“Yeah,” I laughed.
“Well, we’re kind of playing a show that night.” I pulled the overnight bag I had with me a little higher on my shoulder.
“Kind of?” I asked, smirking at him. He smiled.
“I’d really like it if you’d come,” he said meekly.
“Sure,” I replied, “I’d love to come.”
“Great, it’s at nine.”
“Okay,” I nodded, going to leave again. Max grabbed my wrist lightly.
“You will be there,” he said cautiously, “right?”
“Yeah, of course I will,” I laughed, “I really have to go, though. I’ll see you then.” I planted a quick kiss on his cheek and I was out the door.

I woke up with the sun filtering through the blinds and warming my face. Blinking a few times, I stretched out in the large bed in Evan’s guestroom. I sat upright when I noticed Ashlin was gone. He wasn’t a late sleeper but I was always up before him. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and tied my hair back off my face. “Good morning.” I whipped around at the sound of Ashlin’s voice, a smile spreading across my face.
“Morning,” I replied brightly and clambered over to where he had sat on the opposite side of the bed. He laughed at me and pressed his lips to mine in a quick kiss.
“So, I heard someone has a birthday today,” he said casually.
“ Really?” I asked, playing along with his little game, “Where did you hear that?”
“Oh, you know. Around.” I kissed his cheek quickly and sat beside him on the bed. “Happy Birthday, Lindsey,” he smiled passing me a small black box tied with a pink ribbon.
“Ashlin,” I groaned, as he placed it in my hands, “you didn’t have to g-.” But before I even had a chance to finish my sentence, he had interrupted me.
“Don’t be silly,” he replied, placing soft kisses along my neck and bare shoulder, “Of course I did.”
“Thanks,” I sighed happily and tugged the ribbon gently. I lifted the lid of the box to find familiar pink tissue paper. My fingers grazed it and my stomach dropped as the memory of the gift Ronnie had given me flickered across my mind.
“Well, go on,” Ashlin joked, poking my side softly. I inhaled sharply and lifted the tissue paper to find a fine, white gold chain with a simple diamond pendant. My eyes widened as I noticed it nestled in the box.
“Ashlin,” I breathed, “It’s beautiful.”
“You like it?” I nodded my head vigorously and he laughed. He pulled it from the box, and carefully wrapped it around my neck. I pulled my hair up off my neck so he could do up the clasp.
“Thank you so much,” I said, cupping his face in my hands and kissed him.
“You’re welcome,” he sighed, pressing his forehead to mine and resting his hand at the back of my neck.

When we finally made it out to the kitchen, Evan was already awake, sitting at the counter eating a piece of toast. “Hey Birthday Girl,” he exclaimed as soon as he noticed Ashlin and I by the door.
“Morning,” I replied and sat beside him at the counter while Ashlin poured me a glass of juice. Evan leant over and gave me a peck on the cheek.
“Happy Birthday,” he said and motioned to a large bouquet of flowers on the counter. “I know you’re not a flowers kind of girl,” he sighed, “but I didn’t know what else to get you.”
“Evan, they’re perfect,” I replied, plucking the card from the centre of the arrangement to read it. Inside was a message written in Evan’s neat print. To Lindsey, Happy 21st. The first drink is on me. All my love, Evan. A smile crept across my face and I wrapped my arms around Evan’s neck in a hug. “Thank you,” I said. Ashlin set my glass of juice and a bowl of cereal in front of me and sat across from Evan and I at the counter.
“So, what are you kids up to today?” Evan asked as Ashlin reached across the table for my free hand, the other holding my glass. He pressed his lips to my fingers in soft kisses and I shrugged in response to Evan’s question, swallowing my mouthful of juice. The three of us chatted back and forth until I had finished my breakfast and went to take a shower.

I was ready within 15 minutes and quickly passed the guest room to grab my bag. I noticed the clock and hurried towards the door, tying my long, dark hair back from my face in a loose bun. “Where are you off to?” Ashlin asked, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around my waist.
“I told you,” I replied. I laughed slightly as Ashlin’s hot breath tickled my neck and he pressed the tip of his nose behind my ear gently. “I have to work until five,” I said, grabbing his hands and removing his arms from my waist.
“What?” he whined, trying to embrace me again.
“Ashlin,” I laughed, as he placed soft kisses along my jaw, “Ashlin, I’m going to be late.” Ashlin groaned against my skin but pulled away as I asked.
“Well, I’ll pick you up,” he said, tucking a few strands of hair behind my ear, “we can go out for dinner or something.” I bit my lip gently as I saw the clock form the corner of my eye.
“I’d love to,” I replied, “but I already promised Max I’d go to his show.” Ashlin pulled a face.
“You’re joking, right?”
“I’m sorry,” I told him hurriedly, planting a quick kiss on his cheek, “I’ll call you later tonight.” He tried to protest but I was already on my way out the door. “Bye Evan!” I called back into the apartment. I heard a muffled goodbye from the kitchen before turning back to Ashlin once more and pressing my lips to his.
“I’m sorry,” I repeated quickly as I noticed the disappointed look on his face, “I promise I’ll make it up to you. "
“Happy Birthday,” he mumbled, trying to pull me back to him, but I squirmed my way from his grasp.
“Bye Ashlin.” Before he even had the chance to reply I was in the lift on my way to the ground floor.

It was almost seven when I got home from work. I was tired but at the same time excited to see Max play. He and Ronnie, along with the rest of their band and a couple of their friends, were already at the apartment when I got there. “Happy Birthday!” Ronnie hollered as soon as he saw me come through the door. A few people that were standing with him in the kitchen turned to look at me. “What are you all doing here?” I asked, not able to keep the smile from spreading across my face.
“I don’t know,” Max replied, squeezing past those in the living area to meet me, “It’s kind of like a pre-show ritual.”
“Right,” I nodded, laughing as he stumbled over to me.
“Happy Birthday,” he said quietly, wrapping his arms around me in a half hug. I pressed my cheek against his chest slightly.
“Thanks.”