Sorrow Swallows My Screams

Chapter One

Chapter One:

Zacky’s POV:

I feel it burn inside, burn in me like the rising sun.
Lifted into the sky, took away the one thing I loved.
I know after tonight all your power crumbles in my arms.
So don’t worry, I’ll be fine, when my life ends, I’ll leave this scar.

I stopped writing my note. My suicide note. Now was the time I had to kill myself. I knew it. I couldn’t go on in this world anymore, not since…

I couldn’t start thinking about it again. But, on second thoughts, maybe I could, maybe I should, since I only had an hour left of my life, and counting. There was no point living anymore. Not since Mikey killed himself. Mikey, Mikey Way is… was my boyfriend. I loved him more than anything, but he was severely depressed. Had been for a while now. His parents were murdered a few months ago, and it hadn’t been easy for his brother and him.

His brother, Gerard, found him in the bathroom, a rope around his neck. It shattered Gerard to see his brother still and lifeless. His brother, the only family he had left. Gerard’s been going to a lot of parties since then. Drinking until he passes out. Or that’s what I’ve heard, at least.

Maybe I would have been able to talk to Gerard, someone who is feeling the loss of Mikey like I am, though on a much greater level. But I can’t talk to Gerard because he hates me. He blames me for Mikey’s suicide. He has no idea. I would never do anything, anything to hurt Mikey. Gerard obviously thinks otherwise. I’ll get over it. I am over it.

And how long ago did all this happen? A week ago. It’s been the hardest week of my life. And I know the next will be even harder. Next week will be me and Mikey’s one year anniversary.

I couldn’t stand to think about this anymore. I had to do it now. I’d already decided how. I slowly opened my creaky bedroom window, preparing to climb out, note in hand. My leg was outside the window now, and it soon was joined by the other one. I lifted the rest of my body through, and began to slide across the slippery roof to the trusty tree branch that waited for me a few metres from the house.

I’d often sat in this tree before I’d met Mikey. It was my thinking place. It always managed to make me feel better. Now I was way past the stage of having anything like a tree make me feel better. As I jumped from the roof to the tree, a thought crossed my mind. This was the last time I’d ever touch this tree again, the last time I’d feel the warmth from it’s welcoming branches. I brushed the thought away, slipping to the ground, my feet landing with a quiet thud on the damp grass.

I walked, one foot in front of the other, in the repetitive way that you do. I neared the bridge and that’s when the tears began. Restarted is more like it. The bridge I’d chosen to jump from was no ordinary bridge. It was a special bridge. Very special.

It was very old, and rather empty. The unsteadiness of the wooden boards was the most likely reason for rare users. It was also the bridge where Mikey and I had spent a lot of our time together. I placed a hand on the half broken handrail, and looked over at the water below.

Another tear escaped as I removed my hand and pulled off my shoes and socks. I put the letter on the ground, and sat my shoes on it to hold it down so it wouldn’t blow away. I put my socks in my shoes. I didn’t bother wearing a jacket, despite the coldness of the night. I was about to kill myself, did I really care? Rhetorical question, but the answer is no.

I pulled myself over the handrail, bits of wood chipping off as I did so. A huge chunk of the handrail ended up falling into the water, where I’d soon be. I watched it fall with sad eyes. Everything about this place reminded me of Mikey. Even the water, where we’d swam together, unclothed, on a rainy day, much like the rain tonight.

A hundred million thoughts raced through my brain, fighting for dominance as I stood there, hovering over the water below. The one that was settled upon was Mikey. I though of everything about him, how much I loved him.

And then that was it. I stepped forward, into the nothingness that lay below me. Metre after metre of air. The air was cold, freezing, and I was falling at a very fast speed.

“I love you Mikey.” I managed to choke out. Those were the last words I said, the last thoughts I had before hitting the water, everything around me going black.