Call Me Crazy

“Erg—hello?” his tired voice rang through my phone.

“Hey Adam,” I said, almost remorseful.

“Hey Nikki, what’s wrong?” He sounded concerned, but drained and half asleep at the same time.

“Everything is so confusing and I don’t even know—” I rattled on.

“Not so loud, babe, I have a huge headache,” Was his reply. I was silent for a while. I sighed.

“Could you come over?” I asked in a softer voice.

“Sure thing, babe,” He replied.

“Thanks,” I said meekly.

“I’ll be there in ten,” And he hung up. I don’t understand him. Why did he have a headache? I wondered, maybe it’s a hangover.

I lay my head in my hands. It was approaching eight at night, and the sun had set hours ago. I regretted now not eating dinner, for my stomach felt like it was digesting itself in its hunger. Neither my parents nor Carolina had checked up on me since I hadn’t shown up for dinner, but I didn’t care. I just wanted Adam to get here so I could tell him my thoughts. And find out if he was partying last night.

There was a soft knock on my door and I turned to see Adam standing in the doorframe, looking very disheveled.

“You look tired,” I stated as he gave me a light hug.

“I slept most of today. Long night last night,” He informed me nonchalantly. I just sighed, and he noticed, “What’s wrong, babe?”

“I’ve heard things about you,” I stated, trying to make it not sound accusing or annoyed that he had called me ‘babe’ again.

“What sort of things?” He asked skeptically, sitting down on my bed, pulling me into his lap. It wasn’t as comfortable as I had wished it to be.

“That you party a lot,” I said softly.

“And?” He prompted.

“And that you drink and stuff,” I admitted, “And that you’re a player.” Now it was Adam’s turn to sigh.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered into my ear. I looked at him expectantly and he continued softly, “I do party a lot.”

“Were you at one last night?” I inquired.

“Yes,” He answered simply.

“What about Friday night?” I asked, this time hoping the answer was no. He didn’t reply for a while.

“Does a dinner party count?” He finally asked.

“What I’m asking is if you were really at the dinner party, or was it just some other party?” I tried to keep my self calm, but it wasn’t working.

“No, I mean—yes,” He admitted and I pulled from his arms and stood up, facing him.

“Why did you lie?” I asked.

“Cause this is just the way I’ve always done it,” He replied, looking serious.

“What do you mean like that?” I accused, still trying to keep my voice level.

“If everyone knew I partied so often, I’d probably be off the team and I’d be grounded a lot more,” He said slowly, as if expecting me to blow up at him any moment.

I sat silent for a while before I spoke, “So this is all for you reputation? Partying like there’s no tomorrow and never getting caught? Do you even care about anything else?” My voice was cracking. He remained quiet, looking at me with his blue eyes. The silence continued on, neither one of us breaking eye contact or speaking a word, until it became unbearable.

“So are you saying we should break up?” Adam asked wearily.

“I guess that would work,” I found myself saying, even though that wasn’t what I had wanted. I swallowed hard and looked at him intensely, “Everything has been hard for me since we got together. My friends have left me, and they all seem to hate me because I’ve hurt Ben, and I don’t’ even know how,” I ended up spilling to Adam. The expression on his face was unreadable; it was as if he was pondering something.

“You’re oblivious, you know that?” He said finally.

“Not you too!” I exclaimed, throwing my hands in the air and I began to pace around my room, my head in my hands.

“That’s what everyone has been telling you, hasn’t it?” He asked, and I could hear the laugh in his voice.

“Yeah,” I said reluctantly, “What does everyone know that I don’t?”

“Something so obvious that when you’re told you wont believe you missed it,” He said softly, “I knew it from the start, just as everyone else, but I asked you out anyway.” I turned around and stared at him, still not fully understanding the situation.

“Could you tell me?” I asked hesitantly, hoping he wouldn’t just tell me how clueless I’ve been and storm off like everyone else has. Adam sighed.

“You’re an amazing girl, Nikki, but I’m not the guy for you,” Adam started.

“But—” I cut in, but he held up his hand and I hushed.

“Ben is,” Adam finally said. I was shocked. Wait, that means that— I noticed then that Adam was walking towards the door.

“Adam, wait!” I called, and he turned.

“I’m going, Nikki, I’ll see you in school,” He said with a sad smile, before turning and leaving. I stood in my room for what seemed like forever as I processed what that meant. And then everything clicked.