Some People Have It and Other People Don't

My room was the only place I could just sit and think. I had that constant headache, that voice inside my head telling me what I should do and what was right...

What I should do-get an abortion. Though I hated the thought of it it was the only thing that could save me. My mom would never find out...God no one but Claire would know I'd ever been pregnant. If I didn't school was going to be hell, I'd be so disctracted. I'd have to leave to have this kid in January...the month before final exams when we learned everything that would be vital to having a nice career.

I could always go back... I had that thought in my mind too. What was right was to keep this baby, to not give up a helpless life, think about what this baby could grow up to be...

A baby without a father and a mom who has to work three jobs just to keep their cheap hotel room...

No if I told mom I was sure she'd understand.

Understand what, that you're a slut. Like she'll believe you're having a famous person's baby.

And there was that too. Beckett.

God how could I have been so stupid? I didn't even know the guy...

But you were drunk Emily.

No the baby would have a horrible life. I'd have no life no career.

Don't do this. It's just a helpless child....

I scrunched up into the fettle position, buring my face in my hands and just cried for a good long time.

I had a heart, I did. Abortion was killing a person who couldn't even fight back. I'd never agreed to it but now it seemed like I was my only way out.

I didn't know what time it was, I just fell asleep in that uncomfortable fettle position not caring if I woke up again.

Sometime later I felt a hand upon my back. My face was wet, I guess I'd been crying in my sleep too.

I looked up and saw that it was my mom sitting next to me on my bed. She had that look of love, like motherly understanding. I loved that look. It seemed like things were gonna be okay then.

But I still was crying.

"I...I found this," she sighed, holding up the pregnancy test. Her face still had that understanding look on it thank God.

"Mom..I.." I shot up and tried to think of something fast. All I could think to do was blame Kiera, but hell who was she gonna believe was pregnant in this house, me or Kiera?

"Baby I know it's you," her eyes were glistening with tears and I was just crying like a baby.

I threw my arms around her and just sobbed like the world was coming to an end. Well my world was coming to an end.

"It's Damien's baby isn't it?" my mom whispered in my ear. Her accent was so hard to understand when she was sad, but hell I was used to it.

I cried louder because of it, and she took it as a yes. Well, no harm in saying it was Damien's. Like she would ever believe it was Beckett's.

"Oh baby he's not gonna hurt you ever again I promise," she rocked me back and forth and started humming a little English ditty. It was calming to me. Anything to give me hope I guess.

"I don't wanna live in a cheap hotel working three jobs just to support the baby, mom," I muttered once I had stopped crying.

"Emily! This baby is going to be raised by us. I will never let anything like that happen to you. It'll be okay I promise. I'll help you with school too and you will graduate," she whispered in a short of sing-song voice, calming that fear down.

"Sorry for asking mom but...wouldn't it be...better...if I had an abortion?" I knew my mom hated even the concept of abortions.

"Emily if I settled for an abortion you would never be here in my arms," she sighed, her voice a bit shaky.

I never would have known...