Road to My Tired Mind
The Night It All Ended
The night ended in complete and utter failure. We fought for lost causes and that led to our defeat. I had imagined that moment many times before but never in this way. They would never understand our causes or us. We were destined to live in silence and we would never be able to be ourselves. Their expectations would not let us and their minds would never accept it. We had confronted them but not our fears. Those fears don’t let us live and we are forced to perish in silence. Nothing was accomplished that evening except for some empty tears and crushed ideals. Words that were said were empty, shallow voices.
I could see the look in her eyes. They spoke words of despair, anger, fear, and disappointment. While I spoke those mortal words I felt an overpowering feeling. I raised my voice and felt I was unstoppable and powerful. It was like blood in a vampire’s lips, a vampire who had never tasted blood before. And that vampire feels thirst for more blood.
They blamed words. They thought words had corrupted me and made me into this person. But words had always run through my veins. And it was I who had corrupted them. Words were just the media, the weapons. The ideas, the thoughts, the anger were growing inside of me years before I found words. There was no one to blame except for myself. That’s when I knew that they would never accept who I had become. The war had been lost. But our spirits were never broken.
I realized that I would never be understood. That people would never accept me the why I am and the way I think. Maybe we fought a war that wasn’t meant to be fought. Maybe we will never be able to confront our fears. Maybe fear is the way we need to live in. I had fought the wrong war against the wrong people. I n the end I was alone, like I had always been, like I will always be.
Fear managed to defeat us. It kept us from speaking the words that meant so much to us. In the end we spoke what was needed, not what we wanted.
Their expectations were too high too fulfill and our lives were too low for them. We never lived the way we wanted to live. Freedom was never seized. Our lives were committed to fulfill those expectations. Being ourselves was not a decision I could make. It was already made for me.
All the words I ever wrote were meaningless to them. They burnt my words and threw them away. So I decided to live a life of fake pretensions and emotions. I was to become a model of their expectations. I was to forget everything I ever was and everything I ever would be. I had lost the battle and with it I lost myself.
I was determined to live in silence, for it was the only place where I could be heard. Now that she has left there is no one else to turn to. My words rot in silence, waiting for someone to give them life. I can’t give life to them. I barely have life for my own, and that life is not mine.
I could see the look in her eyes. They spoke words of despair, anger, fear, and disappointment. While I spoke those mortal words I felt an overpowering feeling. I raised my voice and felt I was unstoppable and powerful. It was like blood in a vampire’s lips, a vampire who had never tasted blood before. And that vampire feels thirst for more blood.
They blamed words. They thought words had corrupted me and made me into this person. But words had always run through my veins. And it was I who had corrupted them. Words were just the media, the weapons. The ideas, the thoughts, the anger were growing inside of me years before I found words. There was no one to blame except for myself. That’s when I knew that they would never accept who I had become. The war had been lost. But our spirits were never broken.
I realized that I would never be understood. That people would never accept me the why I am and the way I think. Maybe we fought a war that wasn’t meant to be fought. Maybe we will never be able to confront our fears. Maybe fear is the way we need to live in. I had fought the wrong war against the wrong people. I n the end I was alone, like I had always been, like I will always be.
Fear managed to defeat us. It kept us from speaking the words that meant so much to us. In the end we spoke what was needed, not what we wanted.
Their expectations were too high too fulfill and our lives were too low for them. We never lived the way we wanted to live. Freedom was never seized. Our lives were committed to fulfill those expectations. Being ourselves was not a decision I could make. It was already made for me.
All the words I ever wrote were meaningless to them. They burnt my words and threw them away. So I decided to live a life of fake pretensions and emotions. I was to become a model of their expectations. I was to forget everything I ever was and everything I ever would be. I had lost the battle and with it I lost myself.
I was determined to live in silence, for it was the only place where I could be heard. Now that she has left there is no one else to turn to. My words rot in silence, waiting for someone to give them life. I can’t give life to them. I barely have life for my own, and that life is not mine.