Counting Your Face Among the Living

Mikey's POV

I woke up with a bad headache. I noticed I was laying face down over my bed with water still staining my face. I got up and looked at my reflection on a CD cover. My hair was a mess, my eyes were red, and my glasses were on crooked. I guess I had fallen asleep with them on. I was probably crying to hard to even remember when I fell asleep.

I got up and walked to Gerard's room to see if he felt any better. Last night before I had fallen asleep I went in there to see him out cold on the floor by the door. Opening the door last night wasn't very easy though, since he was leaning on it. I had gone through this ritual time and time again, but not recently. Everyone thought it stopped. Another thing to add the my currently growing "guilt list". Everyone would soon know that I hurt him, and therefore he decided to drink.

I felt like a horrible brother, and son. I had done some fucked up things in my past, but this beats everything. I never thought I could hurt so many people by doing one thing. If I actually had done it, what would they say? Would Gerard have started drinking sooner? Would my parent's blame it all on Frankie if they found out what happened? What would people think about me then? They would probably think of me as the idiot geek who wound of killing himself because his dreams told him to do it. What good would that do, telling a room full of black clothing and white tissue paper?

I made sure Gerard was still in the position I had left him last night. He was laying face down on his bed with his head turned sideways. I had also placed a trashcan on either side of him in case he had to vomit up the last of the vodka still stirring up in his stomach acids. I checked both bins to see there was nothing in them besides artwork that had black X's on the cover. I'm guessing those are the messed up ones?

I walked into the kitchen to see a note, but before I grabbed it and shoved it into my back pocket I got a glass and filled it up with tap water. I brought it to Gerard and placed it on his nightstand. I didn't see any sign of him waking up any time soon. His eyes looked like they couldn't begin to open at all. I went into the bathroom and grabbed three headache relievers and put them next to the glass.

I went into my room and took out the note that was probably left by our mother before she went to work. It was probably a note to Gerard to watch me, if I wasn't already watching him myself it would make more sense. I unfolded it and placed it in my lap as I skimmed the writing. It was a note from Frankie.

Mikey,

I have to go back to N.Y. so I wanted to tell you. I would have told you in person, but when I came over to your house I heard screaming. I didn't want to get caught in it. So I guess since I can't tell you in person I'll tell you on a piece of paper. I dunno when I'll be back though, I mean the only reason I came back this time was for you. Now that you're better I doubt you'd care if I was there anyways, right? I don't think I can come back, but if I can and if I do you'll be the first person to know about it, Mikey.....Well other than me and my mother, but you'll be the first outside person to know about it. I'm gonna miss you so much Mikey. Even if you don't even remotely want to see me again, remember I do love you.

Frank, xoxo

Leave it to Frank to put a slight bit of humor into a goodbye letter. I read the letter over and over not tearing my eyes from the writing the blue lines held. Why would he think I wouldn't ever want to see him again? Did he think I was on drugs the whole time at the hospital that made me think he was someone else? I heard some shuffling in the hallway so I put the note on my pillow and went outside to see Gerard trying to get into the living room. His face was more pale than usual, and he looked like he was sick.

"Did you take the medicine?" I asked trying to get his attention as he almost fell from the sheets that were wrapped around his body.

"Yes Mikey, we've been through this before. I know what to do." He said as he managed to sit on the couch and lay down.

"Gerard, now it's my turn. Why did you do it? You stopped, remember?" I knew partially the reason why, but I doubted I would ever get the whole reason.