Counting Your Face Among the Living

Mikey's POV---ooooh!

After Gerard fell asleep I started pacing around my room. Did I hear Frankie right? Was I not listening, and just imagined it? Did he say something else? All the questions were going through my head faster and faster with each step I took. I finally got dizzy and sat down on my bed. I could finally go to sleep now without the dreams coming back, but I doubted I would be getting any sleep tonight.

The more the questions rummaged through my head, the more my head started to painfully ache. I gave the last of the medicine to Gerard, and I couldn't take a pain killer from the hospital now because I had already taken the one for this morning. I could take the one for tonight, but I don't know what would happen if I did it.

I debated on calling Frankie back, but I couldn't do it. I tried, but I didn't want to look like an idiot asking him something like Frankie, did you say I love you during out last conversation? I wanted to but whenever I inched towards the phone the more my stomach tied into a knot making me feel like bile was rising up in my throat.

I got up from my bed and walked into the living room where the receiver to our phone was. I picked it up and called Frankie's cell phone. I ignored the feeling in my stomach and just swallowed hard when the ringing began. It took longer than it usually did for him to answer but at last the ringing stopped and his voiced filled the air.

"Uh Mikey?" He said. He sounded sad, or confused.

"Hi Frank." I said trying to avoid the real reason I called.

"What's wrong Mikes?" He asked with his voice sounding full of worry.

"I just have a question." I said as my stomach filled with pain. I felt like a pregnant woman getting kicked in the stomach. Why the hell did I feel this tormented when it was just a simple question, "Did you say I love you, or not?", but I wouldn't be able to do it because I was to much of a coward.

"Frankie come here!" I heard a male voice in the background.

"Hold on Aaron! Damn!" He screamed back towards the guy.

"What Mikey?" He asked, sounding annoyed.

"Oh, never mind. It's not important." I said before hanging up. The knot had finally reached my stomach I reached the kitchen sink and let the vomit run out of my mouth. I don't know why, but I felt heartbroken. It's not like Frankie is "mine", it's not like I should feel sad because chances are he's dating some guy. I mean who wouldn't? He moved, he's gone, why wouldn't he move on? Before I knew it, hot tears were streaming the sides of my face making a liquid trails on either side of my face.

I knew what I wanted to do, but I wasn't going to do it. I had done it once, and I wasn't even going to try it again. This time I was going to just cry my eyes out instead of bleeding all my blood out. I didn't want people to think of me as a crazy suicidal teenager. I ran into my room and closed the door quietly, not to disturb Gerard from his sleep. I managed to sob silently into my pillow.