Counting Your Face Among the Living

Mikey's POV

Today is Friday. The time is 3:30. I'm walking home from school today. After what happened to my arm, my father finds it best if I walk home. I don't understand why I can't ride Ray's bus like Gee does. Gerard goes to Ray's after school to do "homework". I of course get stuck with no friends of my own, so I can't ride anyone's bus home. Frankie was my best friend, like Ray is Gee's best friend so even if I rode my bus I would feel worst about it because I'd have to see him more than I do at school. Now he has new friends, and I'm still left in the dark. What sucks is the fact that even if I did want to talk to anyone, I couldn't because there was no one like him.

I could talk to Matt more often than I did. He wasn't that bad of a friend. He just had other friends outside of our "group". That gives me no solution to the question. Even if I was to find another person to befriend with, they couldn't replace Frankie. I'd constantly be unhappy because there wouldn't be the skittle eating maniac in my living room begging me to go with him to the store to buy more candy.

The bus went by and I saw Frankie looking at me walking. I looked back at him, and I could almost swear he mouthed a 'sorry' to me. Of course if I was to ask about it I would probably get a laugh from him. I sometimes wonder what would happen if I started riding the bus again. Would he start talking to me, beat me up like his new friends, or ignore me.

I pulled at my brass knuckle necklace as I thought about all the times Frankie and I would just be...friends. Then I remembered the day I realized I was actually in love with him. It was on his birthday last year. That would mean, in three weeks it would be a year. I remember him coming over and it suddenly hit me that I was head over heals in love for the boy sitting on my couch eating a piece of candy corn and laughing obnoxiously at how stupid the movie He Knows You're Alone really was.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a wrinkled wrapper out. It was an empty bag of skittles that Frankie put in my pocket after school a few months ago because he didn't want to find a trashcan to throw the bag away in, nor did he want to put them in his own pants pocket. I folded the paper back and stuffed it in my pocket once more as I kept walking.

I got up to my front yard and looked at the sky. The sun was repeatedly shining down and a rush of cold wind rushed through my hair. I shivered and walked inside the house. I noticed that Gerard, Ray, Matt, and Frankie were sitting on the floor talking about nothing out of the ordinary. They looked up at me when I walked in.

"Hey Mikes, want to come hang out with us?" As soon as Gerard said that, Frankie looked up at me. His eyes looked tired and worn out. They looked as if he hadn't slept in a week, as my eyes would look at the very moment.

"No thanks Gee." I said as I began to walk towards the kitchen. I placed my bag on the table and looked in the fridge for something to drink. I grabbed a coke and started for my room.

"Why not Mikey?" Ray said out of nowhere.

"I've got to do homework." I lied.

"You've got all week to do it, come on. Please?" Gee asked as he got up and dragged me down almost knocking the can out of my hand.

"Why?" I didn't really feel like being in this room. It would make me and probably everyone else uncomfortable because of the tension between me and Frank.

"We miss talking to ya!" Matt said as he took drum stick out his back pocket and whacked my arm lightly with it and smiled.

I gave in and sat between Gerard and Ray. That lead to me to be exactly across from Frankie. They began to talk and I tuned them out. Every now and then I would listen just to make sure they weren't talking to me. The other times I was stealing glances at Frankie. Thankfully he was pulling at his gloves the whole time, and not looking at the idiot across from him who was staring at him.

"Mikes? Mikey? You Okay?" I heard Gee saying as Ray was waving his hand in front of my face.

"Huh? Oh, yeah." I said snapping out of my thoughts.

"You were just sitting there looking at Frankie." Matt said making Frankie look at me.

I blushed and quickly got up and ran to my room. I shut the door and locked it, collapsing on the floor with my hands still attached to the door nob. Frankie was probably laughing at the thought of me staring at him, and everyone else was probably freaked out by the whole thing. No sooner did I think about what they were thinking did I get budged out of the thoughts by Gee banging on the door.

"Mikey? What did we do?"

I just ignored him and checked to make sure the door was still firmly locked. I fell on my bed and grabbed the book that I had started reading a few days ago. Finally Gerard gave up on banging on the door. I heard him sigh, and the sound of his footsteps going towards the living room. I got off my bed and looked under the door. I could see them all and hear them perfectly. My room and the living room weren't that far apart.

"What did I do?" Matt asked aiming the question towards no one in particular.

"I don't know Matt, I mean you just said he was looking at Frankie and he ran into his room." Gee stated.

"Please don't tell them." I repeated over and over, still trying to listen to their conversation at the same time.

"Just leave him alone guys, I mean why bother?" Frankie said. It was the most I've heard him speak in the last few weeks, and it struck me. It struck me hard.

I stopped listening to them as the line repeated in my head over and over again. "Why bother?" As soon as he said it I felt like a dead corpse. All my feelings went away. I was numb. I didn't notice the tears that were gushing from my eyes, nor did notice how bad the pain in my chest was eating at me. I felt like I was in the middle of a room screaming and crying and while everyone is looking at me, no one was there to help me.