Counting Your Face Among the Living

Mikey's POV

After my episode yesterday I didn't speak to anyone but myself. Gerard tried to speak to me, but I ignored him. When dinner was ready I walked into the kitchen got my plate and walked to my room, only to throw the food into a plastic bag. After everything had happened I was in no mood to eat anything. There was only one thing on my mind; Frank.

Now I'm silently sitting in the back seat of the car with my legs propped up on Gerard's as I try to lay down and get some sleep. unfortunately I'm to tall to lay down in the back seat. I didn't get much sleep at all last night. I was swarmed by the thought of Frankie laughing at me in unison with everyone in the same room I pictured yesterday. I was in a mob of nightmares last night and even when I woke I couldn't shake the cold feeling that passed through me when I thought about it.

It appeared that in the room I pictured myself crying it, Frankie was in there as well. He was hidden behind the dozens of people who swarmed the room; just staring at me along with everyone else. As soon as I got done with the screaming he came out laughing at me in a hysterical tone, telling me things that made me want to hurt myself. Things that made me feel worthless in this world that surrounded me like a bandage to an open wound.

Every time I close my eyes I keep picturing Frankie's face in that dream. His face showed hysteria and disapproval towards me. No matter what I did, which way I turned, the dream kept coming back. It was a dream that you hate to have, and the more you hate it the more it comes back to you in your nightmares. It's a nightmare that seems to hold me captive.

My mother got the idea to take us to the mall. Gerard seemed to be tired as well. He was probably trying to figure out what the hell happened yesterday, and what caused it. I'm not sure why I did it. I just know that I made the biggest idiot of eternity.I never want to feel this way again, but yet the feeling won't shake off.

Gerard was looking at me in a weird way. I knew what he was thinking. He was thinking of what the hell is making me act this way. I know that the blackness under my eyes has grown and is almost to a point were it's almost fully black. My parent's have questioned it, but I just told them I've been studying and stressing over school. I hate lying, and I know they probably aren't buying it, but I can't tell them anything! No one besides Frankie knows anything about it.

When we pulled into the mall parking lot my father got out and then went around the get my mothers door while she looked into her purse. It was a sweet gesture that my father has always done for my mother. Gee and I got out and walked in with them. There really was no store that I felt like going to. I didn't feel like shopping. I'd much rather be sitting in my room, in the dark, surrounded by the things that couldn't hurt me.

I went towards a coffee shop that was in the food court. I didn't want to spend anytime here, and I didn't want to be surrounded by any people at this moment. Not after the dream I had been having. I payed my money and sat at a table and just looked around. I didn't recognize anyone I talked to. I did however recognize a few cheerleaders from our school with shopping bags and giggling like they were mental.

After about an hour of just sitting at a table I felt someones cold hand grip my arm. When I turned around I saw it was Gerard. I knew it was time to go, I didn't even have to ask. It didn't bother me that we were leaving. I was more than ready to leave. We were greeted by our mother at the front door carrying a few shopping bags. We got back to the car to see that our father was the one who was going to be driving us home.

When we arrived home I walked into my room and changed from my black jacket to my gray trench, and from a gray beanie to a black one. I walked out into the bitter cold of October winds and just sat in the front yard. It was a place I liked to sit and think. It was the very place that I got cover coated in the big drops of clear rain when Frankie left the night I told him about how I felt.