Suffer All The Children

The first night Mikey had in Frank’s room was much differently spent than what he had imagined it earlier that day. When they first got in, Mikey had insisted they push Frank’s dresser in front of the door, just incase Gerard tried to come in. At first Frank refused, for Gerard wouldn’t want to speak to Mikey that badly and if he really did, he couldn’t easily get past the lock on the door, but as Mikey had entered the room already hysterical and a mess, Frank did not need much convincing to appease him. 
 

Mikey supposed, as he heaved his body weight into pushing the furniture in front of the door that they; one tall, lanky, tear-stained man and one short, slightly more stout and mildly aggressive looking man, both of whom had close to no muscle mass thrusting themselves into an armoire that most likely weighed more than the two put together, might have looked a bit humorous to an outsider. In fact, he may have thought it funny if it weren’t going on with him. The pair struggled, but eventually sealed the door, then each sunk, panting, to the floor. The taller closed his eyes, his chest swelling shakily as he struggled to pull air into his lungs, which was admittedly better than whatever would have been in store if he hadn’t insisted that the door hadn’t been closed. 
 

They sat for a while, head in hands, catching their breaths. Apparently the rhythm guitarist was the more in shape of the two for, as the bassist continued to pant and catch his breath, the former slid over close to the latter, slipping a hand to his back and moving it up and down in an attempt to conciliate him. He pressed his lips to Mikey’s neck, causing the boy to inhale deeply in enjoyment. His body leaned into Frank, who wrapped his arm around him this time. He prompted Mikey to lay his head on his shoulder and the boy obeyed letting Frank press his nose into his hair. He wondered if he had done something good to get a reward or if Frank just enjoyed touching him or if he perhaps were trying to calm him just to so he wouldn’t be so scared. Mikey wasn’t quite sure which he would have preferred Frank to give him. He was hardly sure of anything.


Mikey lay curled close into Frank’s side and sighed deeply, breathing much slower now. Frank spoke a few moments after, his voice and touch soft enough to make Mikey believe that the incident only an hour mature at tops had never happened and that he really could stay safe and warm and protected, if he trusted Frank at least, and stayed close by; close enough to be protected. “You’re okay, baby.” he informed him, his voice slightly muffled from the boy’s hair.


The boy nodded slowly, squeezing his eyes closed, if it was what Frank said it was true he supposed? He wasn’t exactly sure what to do. Until Frank determined what he wanted, however, it was best to simply stay silent, he figured, as not to upset Frank if he did the wrong thing.


“Do you want to sleep?” Frank prompted, watching the boy, “You can sleep if you like?”

Mikey shook his head. Sleeping would let his guard down. He wasn’t stupid enough to fall asleep with Gerard potentially just on the other side of the door.


“We never ate; should I go get you some food? We can eat up here?"


He shook his head again. Gerard was downstairs. If he didn’t kill Frank, he would surely come in to punish Mikey in his absence. No. Mikey needed to stay as close as he could to Frank, he couldn’t protect himself.


“You want to get some things from your room and bring them here? Pillows, clothes, anything?”


Mikey shook his head; he would ask Frank if it was okay to get his things when Gerard went to work again. It was too early to go now though, it wasn’t safe.


“Do you want anything?” 


Again Mikey shook his head. Frank would give him what he needed, like Gerard had. Maybe better than Gerard had, but only time would tell he supposed.


“Well, okay, but tell me if you need anything…”


Mikey nodded, sighing as Frank moved his hand down his side, his chest warm on the inside, comfortable, he would let Frank do what he wanted with him; he would be better off with Frank than with Gerard, he was sure of it.


The two sat that way for a few minutes then Frank removed Mikey’s glasses, setting them on a side table. He pressed his fingers to the boy’s hair, which must have been awkward, Mikey figured, because there were so many chunks missing from it. But Mikey sat and let Frank do as he pleased. He enjoyed the attention and like the way Frank’s hand felt on his leg. He only became a bit rigid when Frank spoke again. His voice was soft enough; it was just the words that shook him.


“What was Gerard talking about downstairs?” Frank sighed, his hand running slowly up and down Mikey’s back. When the boy stayed silent, he pressed further, his voice becoming a bit firm. “Why would he call you things like that? I knew he was an ass, but ‘cheating whore’? ‘Dirty fuck’? Why was he saying all that shit about you?”


Mikey kept his eyes squeezed closed letting a heavy breath out of his chest. “He’s just angry I guess. I don’t know…”


“You were terrified when he found us. You’re still terrified. People aren’t normally this scared of their brother’s and people’s brothers don’t normally call them things like that. Normal brothers don’t have that much control over the other. What’s going on that I don’t know about? What’s up with you and Gerard? Everyone’s noticed the way you two act.  It’s about time you tell me the truth, Mikey.”


Tell me the truth. The four words were Mikey’s cue to obey. A direct command could not be ignored. The boy opened his eyes and blinked up at Frank a bit, then cast his gaze down again, trying to pick his words delicately, meaningfully, as to get the truth to Frank, but perhaps not the whole truth.


“Gerard just doesn’t like me with… other guys…” he explained quietly, avoiding Frank’s gaze, “He gets angry when I don’t do as he says, so the two together were probably… pretty upsetting… to him I guess.”


“Other guys?”


Mikey nodded, hoping to allow as little information as he could to surface. He kept his voice soft—a whisper—he couldn’t seem to get the volume much higher even when he tried. “He’s very over protective, very jealous. You heard what he assumed we did… which we have… the thought probably is driving him mad. He’s probably furious right now, that’s why I wanted the door blocked…”


He sat silent for a few seconds, then he felt Frank’s arm loosen a bit on him, the body he loved so well stiffened slightly; Mikey felt much colder than before.


“Are you telling me that you and Gerard have—"


Mikey nodded again, his eyes still fixed on the floor, “Almost every day since I was twelve.”


He didn’t feel Frank near him anymore. In fact, he saw the guitarist’s feet in front of him pacing the room. He could hear the short strands of hair move as Frank pushed his hand through his own hair. He was expectantly shocked enough. It was only seconds later that he could stutter out his next words, “So you’re telling me that you and your brother—You and Gerard—you’ve been… together—?”


“Oh, no.” Mikey shook his head, not daring to meet Frank’s eyes, “No, certainly not together, not like how we are. I’ve been… well, his, since I was twelve like I said.” He shrugged feeling his cheeks redden slightly. Oh, if Gerard had any idea that how his secret were getting out. If he had any notion of whom Mikey was spilling his secrets to… but he probably knew already. Mikey only felt lucky that he had Frank to protect him and the door blocked to the rest of the house. He would surely be punished severely if Gerard could get his hands on him.


“What do you mean his?” asked Frank. Mikey could hear the frustration in his voice, so he continued, the words flowing out more freely as time passed.


“He’s had me.” Mikey explained again, his voice showing a bit of irritation, an emotion that his arrogance had falsely lead him to believe himself entitled to. “He’s taken me. Done what he’s wanted to me. I’ve been his.” His eyes flickered up to Frank’s face. The awkward lighting of the room cast up upon his cheeks and darkened his eyes. Mikey shivered slightly at the light in which his lover (or was he still that?) was shed, deciding that he would prefer not to cross Frank in a bad way, especially not on the first night he could do anything he liked. 


Mikey’s voice dropped its annoyed tones and softened significantly. He bowed his head in submission to Frank, hoping to express his penitence in the gesture.  “I don’t know how else to put it, s-sir,” he tried feebly.

“Honey, don’t call me that…”

But Mikey pressed on, his body still shaking, “Maybe if you asked me a different way? Gerard always tells me how I get too specific in an answer sometimes. He said it’s his fault for teaching me that way, but I try my best to do it right.”

A few seconds passed in silence as he awaited Frank’s new question. He only hoped that he had replied correctly. Perhaps mentioning Gerard was not a good idea. He would have to make a note of that from that point forward not to say things about Gerard. He wondered if Frank would allow him to speak Gerard, or for him to be near Gerard. Perhaps he would keep him at his side as not to give Gerard a chance to get his hands on him again. Maybe Gerard made him jealous… No, it was definitely not a good idea to talk bout Gerard around Frank. He decided then to leave that subject alone.


“Mikey…” He pressed his back to the dresser as Frank knelt in front of him; he was sure that he would be shown that Gerard was an off limits person to talk about. He flinched back, closing his eyes as he saw Frank’s hand move, bracing himself to be struck. However, Frank’s hand moved back to Mikey’s hair, massaging gently. A soft hand moved onto his leg, “Shh—calm down. I’m not angry at you. I’m just confused. You’re alright.” Mikey nodded as Frank felt him, blinking his eyes slowly open at the other, watching him; a bit apprehensive, but completely obedient nonetheless.


“Now just—I don’t understand what you mean. Here—let me sit there.” He positioned Mikey out of the way, then sunk down next to the dresser where he had been. He sad up straight, and pulled Mikey onto his lap, positioning him so that he was slouching with his back up against him so that Frank could maintain stroking the boy’s hair, then continued speaking, holding Mikey, perhaps to make him feel at ease, his voice very quiet and nice, “I want you to tell me… what you mean. What has he been doing since you were twelve? Why did he start when you were twelve? I’m just… I want to be sure. If you want to tell me, I mean. You don’t have to. It’s fine if you don’t want to. I’m just confused.”


“Um…” This kind of free rein was odd, and Mikey wasn’t used to it. He wasn’t used to sitting and being held and being asked nice things in a nice way when he’d done something wrong, but he supposed it might just be how Frank did things, he always was kinder to him than Gerard. He somehow felt more willing to show his allegiance to Frank because of this; he preferred where he was, so he racked his brain the best he could, trying to find a suitable way to answer. “It started when I was twelve… and it’s been the same ever since. I just do—or did? what he says to. If it’s done right, he’s good to me and rewards me, if it’s done wrong or he punishes me. And he… he, well… we’re… we’ve been intimate.” He looked up to Frank. His face was pale and his eyes surveyed Mikey, who felt his grip on him tighten a bit, looking down in response; he must had said something wrong. “He’s very fair usually though. He doesn’t hurt me unless I really ask for it. Sometimes I just ignore him and he gets so angry. He’s not mean to me normally though. He just wants me to know that I’m his. He doesn’t want me getting any ideas.”


Frank remained silent for a few moments, but Mikey dare not speak again under the possibility of saying something wrong. He moved slightly to slide off Frank’s lap. He wasn’t sure why, he just wanted to find something to show that his loyalty had changed. However, before he had gotten more than a few inches off, he felt Frank’s arm tighten around his waist, pulling him back, he felt his lips press into his hair, “Don’t go.” He whispered. It was fascinating to Mikey, because it was more of a plea than a demand, but he followed it anyway and sunk back into Frank, letting him wrap his arms more tightly around him, enjoying as much of the situation as he could.


“Can I stay here from now on, Frank?”


“Yeah,” Frank nodded quietly, his finger moving slowly up Mikey’s leg, “I think that would be best.” He slid his hand from Mikey’s leg, feeling down his side a bit, “How bout I take you to bed now though?” Mikey felt Frank’s lips on his neck, a hand closed in around his waist. “We’ll talk about this more tomorrow. We’ll figure things out then.”


“I’d like that.” Whispered Mikey, watching Frank hopefully, shivering a bit; his alliance had then changed officially and there was no going back.


______


A few hours into the next day, Mikey lay alone on Frank’s bed, starring at the ceiling. It wasn’t that he was required to stay there, Frank had asked him if he’d like to come with him, but he was still a bit too vulnerable venturing too far outside the safety of Frank’s room, he decided, Frank begged to differ, but the beauty of it was that it didn’t matter what Frank said in his decisions, he could take his opinions into consideration, but he if he choose something different than what Frank said, he wouldn’t get hurt for it. That, perhaps, was a main reason why Mikey had chosen to stay behind when Frank had left to get breakfast with the rest of the guys, just because it was perhaps the first decision he’d made on his own  in the longest time.


He didn’t mind making decisions with Frank. The pair had made many of them together before the latter had left for food, mainly all of them for Mikey’s safety; things like, “If you’re alone in the house with Gerard, stay in my room until someone else gets back.” “Don’t leave my room when everyone’s sleeping unless you’re with me.” “Only talk to Gerard if someone else is around.” Of course there was no punishment if he decided not to follow them, not by Frank at least. They were oddly different than any rules that Gerard had ever given him, but he couldn’t quite figure out how.


Of course now he could have roamed the house freely if he choose to do so, for he was fairly certain that Gerard had left with the rest of the guys and that he would be perfectly safe to leave Frank’s room, it was just the freedom of it all. He wasn’t used to it. It seemed ridiculous to do things at whim after over a decade of submission. No, he would get used to these new freedoms, he was sure, but for the time being, it was best to take it in small steps. Too much at once was just overwhelming.


He waited a surprisingly short time for Frank to come back anyway. It was no more than an hour before he heard a car pull back into the driveway and a few doors slam closed. He sat up, almost in panic as he heard footsteps thunder up the stairwell and shirked back into the wall as the doorknob was pulled and twisted, though in vain, for Mikey had locked it once Frank left, just incase an event like the one that was actually happening did take place. He watched the door, transfixed, unsure if it was safe enough to open. He thought of calling to ask who was there, but then Gerard might break it down by force with conformation that he was in fact inside.


“Mikey, it’s me.” The boy’s breathing slowed a bit at the sound of Frank’s voice, and he moved a bit off the bed, though still cautiously toward the door. “Open up. Has Gerard been here?”


“No?” Obedient as always, Mikey, climbed out of the bed and went to the door, unlocking and opening it, “I’ve been here alone- mph!” His knees buckled under Frank’s weight, but he smiled and wrapped his arms around him, “What’s this for!?"


“I’m just happy to see you… here, sit down.” He closed the door and locked it then led Mikey to the bed, pulling him close as they sat, “Gerard left the diner early… I thought he was heading here…” he sighed deeply but smiled a bit, shaking his head, “I’m so overprotective when it comes to you. It’s ridiculous.”


Mikey just laughed a little and kissed Frank’s cheek, shaking his head, “Don’t be.” He shrugged a bit and sighed, casting his eyes over to the door. “I’ve been just fine… too fine, you know?” He pulled Frank’s hand a bit his eyes fixated on the door. “Let’s get out of here for a few hours.”


“Really?” Frank sat up a bit, moving his face around so he could see Mikey’s, “Where to?”


“Anywhere.”


“Like… what? A date?”


Mikey looked to Frank, those two words… “I’ve never been on a date.”


Frank’s cheeks tinged pink, “Yeah I… I didn’t mean it like… I know you haven’t. I was just being…”


“Oh, no, Frank… “ He took Frank’s hand and stood, “I just meant you can be my first.”


“Oh wow…” he loved the way Frank got embarrassed, because he did only so rarely. He his face would flush, but he would smile huge, this time he inhaled excitedly watching him, “I’d like that.” He said, watching Mikey eagerly, “I’d really like that.”