Suffer All The Children

It was a weird transition, frustrating, obnoxious. Frank was trying the best he could, Mikey could tell, to keep up to the standards that Mikey liked, but it wasn’t the same. Frank didn’t want to hit him; he didn’t want to punish him. All Frank wanted to do was cuddle with him and kiss him and lay adjacent to him and trace little lines and shapes onto his stomach with his finger. The only time Frank held him down on his own accord was to straddle his hips and press his lips to the side of Mikey’s neck or kiss down his chest. He really only hurt him when he bit too hard on his skin or was a bit too rough in bed. There was no punishment, there was no fear. Mikey could hardly stand it.

And it was wrong. Mikey knew it was so wrong to hate the kindness he was getting from Frank. It was a terrible thing to want, but he did. He couldn’t help but miss being controlled; he couldn’t help but miss being a possession.

Oddly enough, this subsequently caused Mikey to cease asking the raunchy sort of favors of Frank. He let his new partner do as he wished (he had sworn commitment to him, hadn’t he?) but it was never once something violent or degrading as Gerard would have chosen. To a certain degree, Mikey did enjoy the kisses and the hand-holding and the cuddling. No, he did love to have that part in his life. He couldn’t get enough of Frank’s kisses, and his hands felt wonderful on his body. They felt amazing together, but he wasn’t used to it. He loved to be around Frank, but… his eye always found its way to Gerard when he was near.

He would go over the scenarios in his head. While bodily attached to Frank by means of a clasped hand, his mind would wander to a much more real bind from Gerard. Perhaps duct tape or a rope tying his wrists together. Perhaps handcuffs securing him in place until Gerard came back. Or even something as simple as a door that locked from the outside to hold him in. Freedom wasn’t what it was cut out to be or anything like he’d dreamed of. His life had been so much simpler when he’d been told what to do… freewill had lost its appeal. He just wanted what Gerard did back. At twenty two years old, he was not quite so sure that he was ready to grow up just yet.

Under Gerard he would have been punished for such thoughts. Under Frank, he simply sighed and moved close to the smaller man, letting his eyes flit to Gerard whenever they could sneak a glance.

He was sure that Frank probably saw him, because the two shared uncomfortable silences more and more often as the days went by and Frank seemed to touch him more and more, as if trying to make up for something. He felt so good when he touched him… he made the hair on Mikey’s neck stand up he made his heartbeat speed up and his breathing do so as well. His body wanted Frank. Almost all of him wanted Frank, but his mind was so set on Gerard.

He hated himself for it, but he was determined to end it as soon as he found a fit way. His allegiance, he constantly reminded himself, was to Frank, and just because he did not punish him like Gerard did when the misbehaved, he still had no right to a free-rein to let it waver.

The more he thought about it, the clearer it became what he would have to do in order to give himself fully to Frank and he grabbed the first opportunity he saw.

It was somewhere in the middle of the night to the early morning when Mikey saw his chance. He and Frank had gone to bed hours previous, which meant that Frank lay fast asleep, his arm draped over Mikey, his nose pressed into the crook of his neck. Mikey could feel Frank’s slow breaths exhale onto his collarbone. He had been laying next to him for hours as he slept, his arm under Frank, tracing on his lower back, brushing back his hair, the tips of his fingers stroking Frank’s cheek; he would occasionally press his lips to the tip of Frank’s nose, resting his forehead against his in attempts to wake up him up, but he refused to budge leaving Mikey to lay wide-eyed and restless into the night,

It was about three when Mikey heard him. Gerard came back very late some nights… Ray had let it slip that he’d been hitting up bars and strip-clubs in the late night to ease his angst (he’d been forced to pick him up when he had gotten too drunk to drive back to the house), but Mikey had never heard him come in until that night… He could only imagine what his brother had just gotten back from doing… and it was hard to say that he was not the least bit hurt by it… for years he had been his brother’s only outlet for that sort of thing… it had to have been terrible for him to be a bit upset that Gerard had found a replacement for him so quickly.

Regardless, Mikey listened to his brother scale the stairs, it was hard to tell if he was drunk, because he carried himself quite well while intoxicated, perhaps from the resistance he’d built up over the years. Mikey could remember Gerard coming home as young as sixteen stumbling and drunk, seething with anger or angst to let out on him-the severity of which had decreased as the years went on of course, until the drinking had become daily, and the anger more set to a certain, less severe agenda. Perhaps, he thought, looking back on it, they had both become resistant to the effects of Gerard’s alcohol consumption in one way or another.

With the door cracked open and the hallway light on, Mikey caught a small glimpse of Gerard as he didn’t stumble, oddly enough, into his room (he’d always seemed much too dignified to), but trudged, he supposed was the right term, obviously frustrated, obviously angry, but that wasn’t anything new. Mikey’s eyes tracked down the hall as a light clicked on, allowing a dim glow to travel down the hallway to his room, leaving him much more awake than he had been previously, with what felt like a newly formed pit in his stomach.

When he looked back on it later, Mikey would never be able to recall what possessed him to do it, but his ears perked as he heard the springs on Gerard’s new bed squeak as he must have laid down on it, and he slid off his own bed, letting Frank’s arm slump down on the bed where he laid previously, watching as his small figure subconsciously curled up a bit for warmth, and nuzzled into the abandoned pillow next to him. Mikey reached down for his glasses and slipped them on, then watched as Frank repositioned himself into a comfortable position, making soft grunting sounds as he did so.

When Frank was once again sleeping peacefully, Mikey moved forward a bit, sitting gently on the bed besides him, listening to Frank breath rhythmically as he slept. He raised a hand, smoothing his hair back softly, as not to wake him. He wasn’t one of the people who was much different sleeping. There was a simple benevolence about him conscious or not, and he seemed just as complicated… or rather uncomplicated either way, which certainly wasn’t a bad thing, and certainly didn’t make him simple. It was just this kindness about him, this softness, this knowing that he was so safe and mellow and quiet. It was the opposite of the arid cruelty he thrived off of from Gerard, but yet he loved that about Frank and he sat there for a few moments, just admiring the quietness of it, feeling his soft, warm hair and skin, tracing his finger slowly on his soft, warm lips. Was what he was about to do to him right?

“Hey...” Mikey felt his voice shake a bit as he murmured the words, and he blinked hot tears spilled down his cheeks as he whispered, “I need to go do something, alright?” He stroked his lover’s hair back again, letting out a deep breath as his hand extended away from him. “I love you. You have no idea how much. I’ll be right back. Don’t miss me too much while I’m gone.”

He pressed his lips to the boy’s forehead and stood, then, after a final glance back at him, proceeded to the door and down the hallway. The hair on the back of his neck stood up as he proceeded, but he kept walking until he reached a precariously familiar room, in the doorway of which he lingered a few moments, knocking softly at the frame of it, trembling as he mustered the courage to speak.

“Gerard?” He brought his eyes up to find his brother, sitting on the new bed that he had yet to see assembled until then, which looked magnificent with canopy poles and heavy oak drawers fastened with locks at the base of it. The wood was polished and new, flickering a sort of gleam back at him that must have reflected off of Mikey’s glasses.

Gerard’s dark eyes were turned to the door. The back of his head must have been illuminated in a yellowy tone from the side table light that he had switched on, but this made the front of him look twice as dark as it normally would, washing out the distinction between the pupils of his eyes and the irises, allowing his usually pale skin to submit a shadowy sort of glow. However, as clear as daylight, his lips were pulled back into a sort of triumphant smirk; the lines in his face were creased into obvious interest. “I see you’re back again,” he noted as his eyes scaled Mikey, “close the door.”

The younger Way backed a step from the other, his mouth slightly agape, “I-“

“Close it.” The older repeated. “You can step in, or you can step out, but whichever you do, close it behind you. I don’t have all night, little brother.”

“I…” Mikey nodded and took a wary step into the room, pulling the door closed behind him. He seemed to shiver as he heard it click shut. “Yes s-“ he sighed, closing his eyes to stabilize himself, “Yes Gerard.”

“Old habits are hard to break I see.” Mikey felt his face flush at the fresh jab sent his way and turned his head as if it had burned. Gerard simply chuckled, his eyes scaling the boy, his voice low and slightly condescending, “Take a seat.” He patted the bed beside him, “Heaven knows how pampered you’ve become.”

Mikey sighed, but moved forward, shaking his head slightly, “Civil treatment,” he said, taking a spot at the far end of his brother’s bed, “isn’t pampering Gerard…”

“Grown a bit of a backlash while you were gone too, haven’t you?”

.“Maybe I’ve just learned a thing or two…” He lifted his gaze to Gerard’s unblinking, brows slightly raised. It was impeccable how the fear had subsided around someone who had had him pushed so tightly under his thumb before. He didn’t flinch as Gerard’s eyes narrowed at him, he simply blinked and looked back, not as the trembling servant that he had been previously, but as much of an equal as he could muster himself to be. For the fire he would have felt at a rivalry was not there. He felt almost bored. “I think I made a mistake in coming here.”

“But you did come here; why?”

Mikey turned a little, looking back at the door to the hallway. He let out a deep sigh and shook his head. He felt warm tears swell in the corners of his eyes, “I’ve been trying to figure out why I’ve wanted to for so long. I don’t even know if there is a reason.”

“There’s always a reason. Mm…” Gerard’s voice twisted into its usual conniving manner and all Mikey could do was shiver and close his eyes a bit, unaware exactly why that moan always slightly chilled his spine, “ and it’s got to be a good one for this sort of nervousness.” His confidence slipped as Gerard moved closer. He felt him closing in around him as he spoke… “Frank isn’t violent enough to satisfy you?”

You know he’s not…

“He doesn’t control you like I used to?”

Not nearly as well

“Oh,” continued Gerard, “I’ve got one. Perhaps, he lets you do whatever you like, and you don’t know what the hell to do with that much autonomy? I’ve got news for you, little brother: you came back because you don’t know what the fuck to do without me.” He felt Gerard’s hand slide onto his thigh. What he was saying was absolutely correct but at the same time… “Don’t think about moving.” He felt Gerard’s hand tighten as he tried to pull his leg away. Mikey whimpered, but he kept still, god what had he done to Frank… “As I was saying, sugar.” The older Way’s fingers crept up to the hem of the younger’s pants, the boy shivered as they touched skin, “You couldn’t stay away, because you can’t stay away. You need me.”

“No…”

He yelped as Gerard’s hand struck his face, and squeezed his eyes shut again. Perhaps if he closed them tight enough Frank would be grabbing his shoulders and shaking him to awaken him from a terrible dream. “Remember what I said way back before about sewing your mouth shut if you didn’t keep quiet?”

Mikey nodded silently, and Gerard went on.

“You NEED me Mikey.” The boy backed into the wall, but his brother followed, his hands roughly undoing the younger boy’s pants, pulling them down and off, he then proceeded to move them up his slender waist, leaving goose bumps in their wake. “I made you, and I made you dependent on me. You don’t know what to do when you’re on your own to make a choice.” His fingers moved up Mikey’s body, discarding his shirt eventually, he felt Gerard’s cool, moist lips kiss up his chest and all he did was sit and shiver; perhaps Gerard was right. “You don’t know how to react to someone like Frank, because you weren’t made for Frank, you were made for me by me, and I’ve known since you left that you’d be back. You never had a chance.

“I sculpted everything about you. You’re not even a person anymore. You lack almost everything about one. Freewill, a personality, the ability to distinguish right from wrong: all you’re programmed for is service. You’re practically a robot. And you may think that this fling with Frank is something spectacular, but look at where you’re crawling back to… You weren’t made to have feelings and take care of things. You were made to be locked up and taken out when there’s a use for you. You’re a sex toy Mikey.” He shivered as Gerard brushed his fingers under his chin, “Nothing more than a sophisticated blow-up doll: as thin as one, as empty as one, and perhaps just a bit more useful than one when you need to be. So… it’s time,” said Gerard, dragging his fingernails hard against his brother’s skin, “that you get back into your box like a good little bitch before I get angry and make you…”

Gerard pulled him forward, but Mikey pressed back against the wall, his eyes wet with tears, his fingers gripping the bed behind him, “No.”

“Mmm…” Gerard chuckled, gripping his brother’s wrist, “I was hoping you’d play it this way.”

“Frank will come looking for me.” Mikey tried to pull away, but Gerard took his other wrist, pinning the pair behind him with one hand, “He won’t let you keep me- mph-“ he writhed under his brother’s hand as it was clasped over his mouth, he shook his head, struggling for air as it covered his nose and mouth simultaneously, “Grr-awr-“

But Gerard only pressed his hand harder on Mikey’s mouth and nose, a sick smile twisted on his lips. He released Mikey’s hands, still pressing him to the wall. His hand slipped under the blankets and extracted a pair of handcuffs (had he known Mikey was coming?) which he secured onto one of Mikey’s wrists, dragging it to his side, then forced the other one to his back and locked it in with the first and moved his attention to Mikey’s eyes, which were growing heavy every moment his hand lingered over his mouth.

“Now, if I take my hand off or your mouth, do you promise not to scream or try to get away?”

“Mph-“ Mikey struggled under his brother’s hand, then whimpered as he was slammed against the wall.

“Well?”

He nodded, wheezing heavy behind his brother’s hand.

“Alright then…”

Mikey gasped as Gerard removed his hand, leaning forward on himself, his face hot and stinging with tears. “F-Frank-“ he sputtered, sobbing into his knees. He lifted his head, inhaling to scream, “FRANK!”

“God damn it Mikey!” In a swift motion Mikey was on his back. He felt dizzy, his chest winded. Gerard’s hand closed over his mouth again, leaving his nose open this time. “You’re going to regret that… oh god you’re going to regret that…”

Gerard’s hand moved to the back of his neck, and he gripped his scruff roughly, dragging Mikey across the room, then shoving him into a sitting position in a chair, placing a strip of duct tape over his mouth to fix the vocal problem. He used belts, scarves, USB cables; anything that was long and had the ability to be tied to secure Mikey into a state of immobility, then tore his closet door open, pulling boxes off shelves and opening them, throwing them back up once he found that they did not contain what he was looking for and taking a new box following the routine for two or three until he came across the right one, which he took to his bed and set down, opening the lid, reaching his hand in for the items he was looking for.

Mikey watched in horror as he extracted a rather sharp looking needle from the box, proceeding to thread it with thick black thread at least an arm’s length long, double stringing it as if he it were to repair a tear in an article of clothing, and knotting it the same way.

The boy struggled as his brother approached him, but his efforts were sorely in vain. All he could do was cry and whimper as the duct tape was removed, shivering against the chair to which he was bound. “Gerard… please don’t do this. I’m sorry… I won’t yell anymore. I won’t call for Frank please don’t- I’ll do anything.”

Gerard didn’t seem to hear the words, but simply pressed a finger to his brother’s lip. He climbed onto his lap, his legs against the boy’s sides, through the arms of the chair, surveying his mouth, surely to examine where it would be best to start. “I imagine you’ll want that closed, dear, I can’t expect that would do anything for the pain… now hold still and I’m sure it’ll be over sooner.”

“Please Gerard-“

He was struck again, with the back of his brother’s hand, making his jaw clench. He pressed his lips closed, but his body continued to shake, his eyes met with Gerard’s fearful, but hardly hopeful, he’d learned not to bother with such a pointless effort years ago.

“Now you may want to clench your teeth a bit-“

The needle pierced through the skin on Mikey’s cheek. It stung and he opened his mouth to scream, but that simply pulled the thread harder and ripped more viciously at his skin, so Mikey’s mouth shut on its own accord and the needle passed through the crease in his lip from behind. The needle stung as it passed through each time, and the tension from the pulling was so rough that Mikey was sure that he’d passed out at some points during the procedure. When Gerard had finished lacing his lips closed, he tied a knot; a tight one, securing it close against Mikey’s cheek.

“God…” Gerard’s outline was blurry as Mikey looked up to him, but he picked up an air of fascination, of wonder, like a boy who had just discovered a dirty magazine, or a common house cat watching a bird through a window. “I’ve been wanting to do this for the longest time.” He continued. He slipped his legs from the sides of his whimpering brother and stood, observing his handy-work, flicking the needle that still hung from the boy’s cheek, watching it swing. “I have to say… it’s an improvement… more like a doll, don’t you think?”

Mikey’s eyes were glazed, and he nodded obediently at the question. He slumped in his chair, watching his brother move about him.

“I thought so, sugar, I thought so… m.” he took the needle between his forefinger and his thumb, sort of bringing his lips to the side of his face as he observed it, clicking his tongue. “Oh but this…” he tugged on the string a bit, his smile twisted as Mikey groaned, his eyes flicked up to the boy’s face, then back to the needle, “This is an eyesore.” Mikey tried to scream as his brother pushed the needle into his cheek. He could feel it sink between the layers of his skin. It prodded him at every facial twitch, it made him nauseous. It made him shake. “Much better.” Gerard concluded simply. He proceeded to start untying the boy, humming to himself as he did so, taking any opportunity he felt to feel up his thigh.

“I didn’t imagine things would go over this well…” Mikey wanted to bring his leg up as Gerard freed it… bring his knee right up into his chin. Shatter the bones in his jaw so he could maybe feel something like the scorching pain that clamped his mouth closed. Break his cheekbone in half and make him whimper and clench on the ground. He wanted to see him beg to be spared like he had Mikey do. He wanted to handcuff him and to lock him up. To deprive him of sustenance for days at a time, to pull his hair out, to claw at his skin, to make him suffer, oh he’d make him suffer. He’d make him suffer if it was the last thing he’d do.

But Mikey bided his time. He let his brother untie him. He shivered, but submissively bowed his head as Gerard pulled him up by the skin on the back of his neck. He let himself be pushed to the bed. He lay unfazed as Gerard used him, felt him, hissed affrontments into his ear. And when it was all over, he simply watched from heavy-lidded eyes as he was turned to his back, and he sat when he was instructed to.

“I think you’re gonna stay like this.” He searched Mikey’s face for a response, but there was none, so he continued, biting his bottom lip a bit, “God, I don’t know how I’ll do it, but I think I’m going to keep you like this…” Again Mikey gave no response. The older Way seemed disgruntled. He shook slightly with anger as he watched the boy. His eyes narrowed, and his hand moved to his hip. “I think it’s time I put you away. That idiot guitarist should be up soon. No doubt he’ll be in here bitching… stupid fuck… well, anyway, come on then.”

He took Mikey by the arm and hand him stand, then knelt and opened a drawer at the base of his bed. It was apparent that the inside of the drawers had been tampered with as soon as Mikey looked down at them. Clearly, they used to be two separate compartments, but with mediocre craftsmanship, had been merged into single storage area, that measured two or three feet wide and the length of the bed long. Mikey could see a lock that secured with the turn of a key on its outside. He knew immediately that the doll was being placed into its toy box, and he complied, letting Gerard place him inside. “Like I said,” he seemed almost tired as adjusted Mikey to fit inside the area, “I knew you’d be back. And this time,” He pushed the door, and Mikey slid in, closing his eyes. He was lucky for rest at least. Time to heal.

“This time you’re not going to get the chance to leave.”