S'Agapo
Emotion
On the way home I got stuck in major traffic. 'Stupid idea of taking the highway instead of main streets. Really, really, stupid.'
"What are you doing here?"
I set down my keys and walked to the couch, where Apollo was talking to my cousin and his friend. Why they were in my house I did not know, but I was about to evoke my road rage wrath upon all of them.
But, I didn't. I fumed and glared, and probably hissed and spat a bit, but all the curses, the major part of my mood, remained trapped in my head, broiling and screaming loud. I had a sharp headache from when the druggie bashed my head into the column, and that was not making things better.
The CD and the cell phone I was holding dropped to the ground and I took a deep breath, and continued to glare. The small thundercloud above my head reduced in size, but it was still something to be careful of.
I turned and went to the kitchen. I pulled out a bag of salad and some croutons and threw them into a bowl. With a splattering of some salad dressing, I threw the bowl in front of Apollo. He looked at it, and then up at me.
"What about a fork?"
Thunder and lightening.
"Uh.L-laurel?"
I'm pretty sure my eyes turned red.
Apollo moved over on the couch, away from me. Tom looked at me. "Wow, you're pissed."
Jake was staring at me, transfixed. My gaze shot up to him and he shuddered.
"What are you looking at? Hm?" I hovered over him, and sucked the light out of the room. He cowered in the corner of the couch and I swear he whimpered. With a final glare, I muttered, "I'm going to sleep." And stomped upstairs.
The next morning I was feeling a bit more calm. After a scalding bath, my muscles were not so tense, and I felt like apologizing. Almost.
I came downstairs in my underwear and a bathrobe and made myself some green tea. Apollo came down a little later and when he looked at me warily, I smiled brightly. I pointed to his chair and he sat down, still wary.
"Have some tea." I pushed a fresh cup his way, and he picked it up, as if afraid I would attack him at any moment if he didn't. I tucked my legs under me and leaned forward, my hands circling the cup. I took comfort from the warmth.
"So, Apollo. Why were Tom and Jake here last night?"
He leaned forward too, but didn't look me in the face. Instead, he focused on the soft green-colored water in his mug.
"They just came over, and Tom said he was surprised that I was in here. So I explained to him that I was living here, and they told me about how some rude boys tried to...steal your virginity."
I blushed furiously. They actually told him what had happened? "You know, you really know how to make someone blush," I muttered, sighing and taking a sip of my tea, "So, then, what do you think? Of them, I mean, not the almost raping me part. Because I was in command of that moment, you know. I had them all collapsed on the ground and stuff."
"Jake said that one of them had a knife at your neck, and another had a gun."
"So what?"
"Well, I just think that you should be more careful with these type of people. You're obviously working in some sort of ghetto, and I seriously think you should find work somewhere else!" He looked up from his mug. The veins in his hands were knotting.
I blinked and leaned back into the chair. Roosevelt Field Mall, a ghetto? Since when, exactly?
I snapped back, "Who ever told you that it mattered what I do? You're only in my house so I can take care of you and make sure you don't get anyone pregnant with some half-god child! So stop acting like you care a damn about me, and focus on controlling your hormones. And next time those losers come here, don't you dare open the door! I refuse to have a shrewd cousin and his pervert friend in my house!"
"What, did Jake come after you too?"
"Would you quit that?" I stood up, my palms slamming down on the table, "Stop acting like you're worried about me! Things like that happen all the time! I can handle it. So stop acting like you want to protect me, because I know it's an act! All of you perverts are like that!" I guzzled the rest of my tea and went upstairs to change, my hair streaming behind me.
When I got to my room, the first thing I did was swallow some cold water from the tap. Gross, I know, but honestly, I wasn't going to go back downstairs after that. Besides, the tea had scorched my throat...
I pulled on some jeans and a long sleeve shirt with angel wings drawn on the back. I had found in some of my mom's belongings in the attic long ago. Sometimes, when I really needed it, I took comfort from my parent's things. Especially my mom's clothing. We were the same size so I was always stealing her stuff.
With a small sigh, I went downstairs. Apollo was sitting in the kitchen, finishing the tea.
"I'm...going out for a bit. I'll be back soon, or something."
I opened the door, and heard Apollo put his mug in the sink.
"Wait," He said, "I'll come with you."
"Why?" I spun around so fast I had to steady myself against the table, "I don't want you to come, I'd rather go alone."
"Oh. Well, then, be careful at least."
"Oh for-! Apollo, I'm a big girl, stop acting like you actual give a damn! I'm sick of it! I don't want your pity so piss the hell off already!" I glared and slammed the door shut.
I walked to the park and circled the running area, my MP3 player blaring into my ears. I knew why I was so angry. I hated when people pitied me, or acted like they were worried about me. I just didn't understand why they would do something so stupid as to worry about me, when I was so mean. And cold, and awful, and stupid, and rude, and careless, and pathetic and weak and annoying, and mean, and over-meticulous and picky and cruel and impatient and...and...
I swallowed hard to prevent from overwhelming myself. I just didn't get it anymore. I used to, but now, it was as if my memory had been wiped, and I couldn't comprehend it...at all.
'Sure, I can care about people, but I don't really get why anyone would care about me. I mean, I'm intimidating, that's an obvious, but also, I'm scared of everyone. I don't want to end up in some relationship like my mom and dad. I don't want to have to love someone, but always be afraid that maybe they don't love me back, that maybe they have someone else on the side, just waiting for me to be kicked out of the picture. I'm afraid to be alone, but at the same time, I'm terrified of actually having feelings for someone.I mean, it's a compromise to fall in love isn't it?
And when it's not a compromise, it's a deal.I don't want my love to be bound by rules or paranoia or fear; if I were to fall in love, I would want it to be for the sake of love, not money or lust. But of course, that'll never happen.'
Quickly swiping my hand over my eyes, I looked down and glanced at my MP3 player. It was playing Digital love by Daft punk.
"Heh, I would never have thought the ice queen could cry."
"I never knew someone had the balls to follow me. How touching, a stalker." My voice was sharp. I turned my head and glared furiously at...Jake. Of course. Damn him.
"What are you doing here?"
I set down my keys and walked to the couch, where Apollo was talking to my cousin and his friend. Why they were in my house I did not know, but I was about to evoke my road rage wrath upon all of them.
But, I didn't. I fumed and glared, and probably hissed and spat a bit, but all the curses, the major part of my mood, remained trapped in my head, broiling and screaming loud. I had a sharp headache from when the druggie bashed my head into the column, and that was not making things better.
The CD and the cell phone I was holding dropped to the ground and I took a deep breath, and continued to glare. The small thundercloud above my head reduced in size, but it was still something to be careful of.
I turned and went to the kitchen. I pulled out a bag of salad and some croutons and threw them into a bowl. With a splattering of some salad dressing, I threw the bowl in front of Apollo. He looked at it, and then up at me.
"What about a fork?"
Thunder and lightening.
"Uh.L-laurel?"
I'm pretty sure my eyes turned red.
Apollo moved over on the couch, away from me. Tom looked at me. "Wow, you're pissed."
Jake was staring at me, transfixed. My gaze shot up to him and he shuddered.
"What are you looking at? Hm?" I hovered over him, and sucked the light out of the room. He cowered in the corner of the couch and I swear he whimpered. With a final glare, I muttered, "I'm going to sleep." And stomped upstairs.
The next morning I was feeling a bit more calm. After a scalding bath, my muscles were not so tense, and I felt like apologizing. Almost.
I came downstairs in my underwear and a bathrobe and made myself some green tea. Apollo came down a little later and when he looked at me warily, I smiled brightly. I pointed to his chair and he sat down, still wary.
"Have some tea." I pushed a fresh cup his way, and he picked it up, as if afraid I would attack him at any moment if he didn't. I tucked my legs under me and leaned forward, my hands circling the cup. I took comfort from the warmth.
"So, Apollo. Why were Tom and Jake here last night?"
He leaned forward too, but didn't look me in the face. Instead, he focused on the soft green-colored water in his mug.
"They just came over, and Tom said he was surprised that I was in here. So I explained to him that I was living here, and they told me about how some rude boys tried to...steal your virginity."
I blushed furiously. They actually told him what had happened? "You know, you really know how to make someone blush," I muttered, sighing and taking a sip of my tea, "So, then, what do you think? Of them, I mean, not the almost raping me part. Because I was in command of that moment, you know. I had them all collapsed on the ground and stuff."
"Jake said that one of them had a knife at your neck, and another had a gun."
"So what?"
"Well, I just think that you should be more careful with these type of people. You're obviously working in some sort of ghetto, and I seriously think you should find work somewhere else!" He looked up from his mug. The veins in his hands were knotting.
I blinked and leaned back into the chair. Roosevelt Field Mall, a ghetto? Since when, exactly?
I snapped back, "Who ever told you that it mattered what I do? You're only in my house so I can take care of you and make sure you don't get anyone pregnant with some half-god child! So stop acting like you care a damn about me, and focus on controlling your hormones. And next time those losers come here, don't you dare open the door! I refuse to have a shrewd cousin and his pervert friend in my house!"
"What, did Jake come after you too?"
"Would you quit that?" I stood up, my palms slamming down on the table, "Stop acting like you're worried about me! Things like that happen all the time! I can handle it. So stop acting like you want to protect me, because I know it's an act! All of you perverts are like that!" I guzzled the rest of my tea and went upstairs to change, my hair streaming behind me.
When I got to my room, the first thing I did was swallow some cold water from the tap. Gross, I know, but honestly, I wasn't going to go back downstairs after that. Besides, the tea had scorched my throat...
I pulled on some jeans and a long sleeve shirt with angel wings drawn on the back. I had found in some of my mom's belongings in the attic long ago. Sometimes, when I really needed it, I took comfort from my parent's things. Especially my mom's clothing. We were the same size so I was always stealing her stuff.
With a small sigh, I went downstairs. Apollo was sitting in the kitchen, finishing the tea.
"I'm...going out for a bit. I'll be back soon, or something."
I opened the door, and heard Apollo put his mug in the sink.
"Wait," He said, "I'll come with you."
"Why?" I spun around so fast I had to steady myself against the table, "I don't want you to come, I'd rather go alone."
"Oh. Well, then, be careful at least."
"Oh for-! Apollo, I'm a big girl, stop acting like you actual give a damn! I'm sick of it! I don't want your pity so piss the hell off already!" I glared and slammed the door shut.
I walked to the park and circled the running area, my MP3 player blaring into my ears. I knew why I was so angry. I hated when people pitied me, or acted like they were worried about me. I just didn't understand why they would do something so stupid as to worry about me, when I was so mean. And cold, and awful, and stupid, and rude, and careless, and pathetic and weak and annoying, and mean, and over-meticulous and picky and cruel and impatient and...and...
I swallowed hard to prevent from overwhelming myself. I just didn't get it anymore. I used to, but now, it was as if my memory had been wiped, and I couldn't comprehend it...at all.
'Sure, I can care about people, but I don't really get why anyone would care about me. I mean, I'm intimidating, that's an obvious, but also, I'm scared of everyone. I don't want to end up in some relationship like my mom and dad. I don't want to have to love someone, but always be afraid that maybe they don't love me back, that maybe they have someone else on the side, just waiting for me to be kicked out of the picture. I'm afraid to be alone, but at the same time, I'm terrified of actually having feelings for someone.I mean, it's a compromise to fall in love isn't it?
And when it's not a compromise, it's a deal.I don't want my love to be bound by rules or paranoia or fear; if I were to fall in love, I would want it to be for the sake of love, not money or lust. But of course, that'll never happen.'
Quickly swiping my hand over my eyes, I looked down and glanced at my MP3 player. It was playing Digital love by Daft punk.
"Heh, I would never have thought the ice queen could cry."
"I never knew someone had the balls to follow me. How touching, a stalker." My voice was sharp. I turned my head and glared furiously at...Jake. Of course. Damn him.