Close to the Heart

It had been two days since Shane and I went out. Or had our little date, whatever it was. Weird thing was that HE was the one avoiding me, and not the usual other way around. After I screwed up and didn’t tell him what was really on my mind, he changed completely towards me. He wasn’t being a jerk or anything, he was just quiet and I’ll admit that it was starting to freak me out just a bit. The car ride back was just awkward. I’ve never wanted to bury my head in a hole more than a few nights ago.

“So, that was nice,” I said quietly. Shane had both his hands on the steering wheel and didn’t even acknowledge I had said a word. “Okay…” Shane looked as if he was going to speak, but instead he forced out a cough.

“I’ve had better pizza,” he replied softly. I didn’t know whether to laugh or roll my eyes or even reply back.

“It wasn’t bad,” I said, “Then again I’m not traveling around the world and trying other pizzas. I should be glad to even have a pizza every once in a while at home.”

“Mm,” he replied. That’s all he has to say? Does he know I’m hiding something from him? Or did I just say something I shouldn’t have? Am I just being paranoid? Finally, Shane parked the jeep back in its original spot and I helped him put the cover on. Not once did he say anything, or even try to make a move. He just started walking away, leaving me there. I wanted to kick his face in, but I ended up kicking the tire of the jeep. I hated him for being such a big baby.

Currently, I was contemplating whether or not I should go find Shane and just tell him straight out. Barron was no help, and I was glad Sander was much easier to talk to. He wanted me to give Shane a little space. As if two days wasn’t enough?

“If you don’t tell him, I will,” Barron said. I looked over at him and threw his trumpet at him. “Hey, you break it, you buy it.”

“What are you, a shop?” I asked.

“No, but I’d like to own one one day,” he said.

“Sander, make Barry the fairy shut up,” I complained. Sander laughed while I felt a pillow being thrown at me.

“Bella, get up and just talk to him,” Barron said. I shook my head. “Fine, I’ll do it.” He actually stood up and started walking out of the cabin. I waited ten seconds before I realized he wasn’t coming back. I shot up and went after him. I hated Barron for being so confident. When I finally caught up to him he was headed towards Shane’s cabin.

“Barron, what the hell!” I shouted. I ran up to him and pulled on his arm.

“Go in there before I do,” he said.

“Why now?” I complained.

“Why not now?” he said. He had a point. It had been two days, but couldn’t I wait longer? Cleary he didn’t want anything to do with me. Barron tapped his foot on the ground while I stared at the cabin Shane was most likely in.

“I hate you sometimes,” I said. I kicked leaves at Barron’s white shoes and slowly walked over to the cabin. I looked back at Barron who had his thumb in the air. I slowly opened the screen door and walked in. The screen door squeaked shut as I entered the room. Sure enough Shane was in there, but not where I expected him to be. He was in my bed. I knew he was a creepy stalker that most likely sniffed the pillow I used to use.

“Shane?”

“What?” I walked over to where he was lying on his back and sat on the bed.

“Hi,” I said. Hi? I am the queen of idiots right now.

“Hi,” he replied back. “Can I help you?”

“I just wanted to talk,” I said.

“About?”

“Can you please say more than just one word?” I asked.

“Fine. What do you want? Besides to talk.”

“What did I do to you?” I asked. “I mean you haven’t talked to me in two days. Normally I wouldn’t care less, but I actually didn’t do anything to you. I thought you were enjoying yourself the other night.”

“I was,” he said, “Until you lied to me.”

“When did I lie to you?” I asked.

“You said you were something and you stopped talking,” he said. “You made up some excuse about the pizza.” He sat up and looked at me. “What was it that you felt you couldn’t tell me? If you like Jason more than me, fine I don’t care. I just want to know if I’m wasting my time trying to be with you.”

“No, I don’t like Jason like that,” I said, “Not even Nate.”

“Well what are you hiding?” he asked. “And don’t deny you’re not hiding anything. I can read your facial expressions.”

“I was going to tell you,” I said. “But I chickened out at the last minute.”

“Tell me what?” Shane asked, finally showing some interest after all.

“Uh, I was trying to tell you, that I l-”

“Shane.” We both turned our heads and saw my dad walking in. Talk about great timing pops.

“Yeah?” Shane said. I felt I wasn’t the only one that was somewhat upset by my dad’s sudden arrival.

“I need to talk to you about a few things,” he said. “Bella, I didn’t think I’d see you in here. It’s been a while.” I rolled my eyes.

“I’ll let you two talk,” I said standing up. I will admit it, I wanted to tell Shane, but not with my dad in the room.

“Don’t leave,” he said. “It’ll be quick. I just wanted to ask if Nate and Jason are still on for next week.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Shane said. “Bella, come on. I was going to ask if you wanted to take a walk.”

“Oh, so are you two friendly again?” my dad asked. I scoffed and Shane nodded. “Wonderful. Don’t want to get in the middle of your plans now. I’ll just be off.” He walked towards the door and turned around. “Be good.”

“Dad,” I said.

“What? It’s just some fatherly advice,” he replied. He finally opened the door and walked out. I huffed loudly while Shane smiled.

“Well?” he asked. “Don’t tell me you forgot.”

“I didn’t forget,” I said, “It’s just every time I try to tell you, I either chicken out or someone interrupts.”

“Want to go somewhere?” he asked. He stood up and walked to where I was standing. “Somewhere far away, where nobody can interrupt us?”

“With you?” I made a face.

“No, with that tree you seem to like so,” he said. I laughed and looked up at him.

“Where do you have in mind?” I asked.

“You know this area a little better than me,” he said, “Have any suggestions to just throw out?”

“I better come up with something or you’re just going to force me to take another stupid canoe ride with you, aren’t you?”

“Perhaps,” Shane said. He walked even closer towards me and started grazing the side of my face with his thumb.

“Okay, let’s just go somewhere,” I said, escaping his intimate moment with my face. Didn’t he hate me just five minutes ago? Now he was being all touchy-feely with my face?

“Okay,” Shane said, “Want to go sit on the dock?”

“Oh that’s such a great place,” I said sarcastically opening up the door and letting the screen door hit Shane on the way out.

“Okay fine, you pick,” he said. I squinted my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest.

“Dock is fine I guess,” I said. I didn’t care where we went. I just wanted to get it over with. As we walked towards the dock, I kept having the urge to just yell it out at him. But if I yelled it out at him, maybe he’d be afraid of me or something. I definitely didn’t want to freak him out.

“Can I hold your hand?” he asked.

“Why are you asking?” I asked back. “You didn’t ask the other night.”

“Well, what if this is the last time you’d let me hold it,” he said. “What if you’re going to tell me something that would prevent me from holding your hand?”

“Like?”

“Something like, ‘Shane, I’m dying’,” he said. “Or ‘You repulse me. Don’t talk to me ever again’.”

“You know you really suck at impersonating a British person,” I said as I crotched down and checked if the dock was wet. After I made sure, I sat down on the wooden dock.

“Is it wet?” he asked. He bent down and intimated my actions. After checking, and then re-checking he finally sat down next to me. “And I do not suck. That’s how you sound.”

“You sounded more like someone from Tennessee than someone from Great Britain,” I said. Shane laughed and turned to face me.

“So, what was this thing you have been dying to tell me?” he asked. “Wait.” He looked behind him and turned his head side to side. I stared at him as if he lost his marbles.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“Checking to see if anyone is around,” he said. “Nobody is, now go. You’re interruption free.” I laughed out loud.

“Okay, well-”

“Wait, wait, sorry,” Shane said. He looked embarrassed as he took out his phone from his pocket.

“Bloody hell,” I mumbled as he looked over at me apologetic and looked at his phone. He sighed.

“Sorry,” he said to me. He opened his phone. “What do you want?” That sure was the Shane way to answer your phone. I honestly wanted to grab his phone and chuck it into the lake. I wonder how mad he’d be if I did that. “I am so sorry. That was the record company. They wanted to talk about something, and it wasn’t even that important. They could have called Nate.”

“Why didn’t you tell them that?” I asked. Shane shut off his phone and slipped it back in his jean pocket.

“I did,” he said, “You didn’t hear?”

“Oh, I guess I dazed off or something,” I said. “I was thinking whether or not I should throw your stupid phone in the lake or not.”

“I wouldn’t be upset if you did,” he said. “I was considering doing it t-”

“Shane I like you,” I blurted out. “A lot! There’s something odd about you that just makes me like you a lot. And when you kiss me, I feel like I’m on a cloud or something. You complete me and always have.” There I said it. Not exactly how I wanted to tell him, but I told him. Why is he just staring at me like that? Did I say too much? Is my lip gloss being stupid? I wiped the corners of my mouth to make sure my lip gloss was not out of place. I knew I had put too much. “Say something!”

“I, uh…you do?” he asked.

“No, I wanted to tell you that so I can stomp all over your heart,” I said sarcastically. “What the heck do you think?”

“But, you said…you said you didn’t like me,” he said. “I thought you meant it too.”

“I just couldn’t tell you,” I said. “I know about all your past relationships and they never work. I don’t want to be one of those girls you date for a month and break it off. Plus you’re in the media’s eye and I just can’t deal with that.”

“The only reason why I went out with those girls was to forget about you,” he said. “I never could and it hurt when you said you didn’t like me back.”

“I always thought you were gay,” I said. Shane had a small smile on his face as he chuckled.

“Okay then,” he said. “So can I ask you to be my-”

“Nu uh,” I said cutting him off. “No way am I going to be your girlfriend.”

“Why not?” he asked.

“I don’t really have a reason,” I said, “Yet.”

“You admit you like me, but you don’t want to be my girlfriend?” Shane scratched the top of his head and looked at me as if I was the dumbest girl in the world. I was waiting for him to say something along the lines of ‘You know I’m Shane Gray right? Who’d turn me down?’

“But I’m Shane Gray. Every girl wishes I would ask them out,” he said. I rolled my eyes. “Don’t you want to be that girl?”

“Nope,” I said.

“Why not?” he asked.

“No reason,” I said.

“Then come on,” he pestered. He stood up and looked down at me. “Please?” I let out a cackle which caused Shane to look down at me. “Well?”

“Ask me later,” I said standing up as well.

“Why not now?” he asked. “What can I do to make you change your mind?” He put his hands on my shoulders and looked directly into my eyes. “Want a car? You don’t have to drive around your dad’s BMW anymore.”

“Nope.”

“Want a puppy? We can buy one and call him,” Shane stopped for a second as was probably trying to think of a name. “Shella.” I laughed out loud.

“Shella?”

“Yeah,” he said. “It’s Shane and Bella.” I shook my head. “Okay, what exactly do you want?”

“The day I’ll be your girlfriend,” I said, “Is the day you completely sweep me off my feet.”

“Sweep you off your feet?” he asked. “Okay.” He bent down and threw me over his shoulders. “There you’re off your feet, now can you accept?”

“Shane, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind,” I said.

“But you weren’t specific,” he said.

“And you’re an idiot,” I replied.

“With a good looking butt?” he said.

“Ugh, it’s not my fault you threw me over your shoulder,” I said. “And I’m admiring your back pockets more than your butt.”

“That’s what they all say,” he said. He finally put be back on the ground and looked at me once again. “You really mean it; you don’t want to be my girlfriend?”

“I kind of do,” I said.

“Just not now?” he asked. I nodded. I felt like a loser. Seriously, there were how many girls out in the world, and miraculously enough he only has eyes for me? But what if I was just living in a fantasy world and my dreams of being with Shane were shattered because we were either arguing like crazy or we just fell apart? I’d rather be a little more than just friends, than to actually rush into a relationship with him.

“It’s okay,” he said embracing me. He put his mouth next to my ear and whispered into it, “I’ll wait forever for you.”