Close to the Heart

The final days of summer started to quickly approach and I was starting to feel myself slowly fall into a slump I wouldn’t come out of quickly. I remembered the day before I came to Camp Rock and I wished summer would fly by quickly because the thought of spending a millisecond with a spoiled pop star was definitely not on my list of things I wanted to do. Now that it was almost the end of August, I was not looking forward to leaving Camp Rock at all.

Shane had promised he would stay in touch this time, even though the two of us were still not exactly official. We were official in my head only because I was afraid of getting into a relationship with him. I feared the same thing over and over again; that he would get bored of me or he’d find someone better. I tried telling myself to get over my fear and we should be together, but I listened to my head rather than my heart.

Ever since that night of losing my bet, Shane has yet left my side and it has been four days. According to Jason, Shane was afraid I was going to puke a lung out or do something worse – like skip a meal. Shane obviously doesn’t know me as well as he thinks.

First of all, I eat like a pregnant woman on steroids. I keep eating until I’m to the point where I’m so full I can barely move. It’s not exactly the healthiest way to eat, but I have been eating that way for years and for some reason I’m lucky enough to keep my lean physique.

The stomachache that I had which made me want to crawl in the corner, clutch my stomach and rot wouldn’t stop me from eating like a hungry lion. The very next day I actually forced Nate to buy me a hamburger behind Shane’s back. Shane wanted me to eat healthy stuff; such as a Cesar salad he “made”. Why would he make me eat something that he doesn’t even enjoy? Damn hypocrite.

The only reason I felt bad about spending so much time with Shane, was that I completely forgot about other people – mainly Barron and Sander. I felt like a jerk for leaving them to deal by themselves with their Final Jam performance. Plus it’s not like I contributed a lot. I joked around and only learned half the steps. They probably didn’t want me anymore since I rarely come out of the cabin and I rarely go around talking to people. I probably seem antisocial at the moment, but I’m really not. I only came to Camp all these years because I wanted to spend time with my father. As of lately, I haven’t spent one second with him. He’s busy and I’m…well I’m keeping busy.

“Hey Bells, do you want to take a stroll through the camp?” Shane asked snapping me out of my thoughts. My head jerked up in his direction and there he stood, in those irresistibly tight white jeans. The inner hormone raging teen inside of me was dying to run into his arms and start kissing every inch of his skin that was visible, but I stayed put for once.

“A stroll?” I asked with a laugh. “I’ll pass.”

“Come on Bella,” Shane said walking, no, strutting closer to where I sat on my bed. “Okay, I have something you won’t say no to. How about we get some food?”

“How about we do nothing today?” I suggested. “We never talk anymore. We just do random things and you stick your tongue down my throat.” Shane raised his only visible eyebrow.

“You want to talk?” he asked. “About?” I shrugged my shoulder and stared into his eyes. “Okay, want to talk about what’s on your mind?”

“Nothing’s on my mind,” I said. “We just don’t talk and you look at me like I’m going to break into a million pieces. Not that I’m complaining, please don’t get me wrong, but you haven’t left my side in four days.”

“I worry about you,” Shane said. “What happened the other day was stupid of me to suggest and from now on I’m going to watch what I say around you.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning I won’t make any more bets around you,” he continued. “Okay, I’m lying. I want to spend time with you is that a crime?”

“Not really,” I said. “We haven’t spent this much time in years and it’s-”

“I know you like me more than you allow me to believe,” he said. “Why won’t you just go out with me?”

“Maybe I don’t want to,” I said. “Are we really going to argue about this again? It’s getting old.”

“So camp is ending in a few days,” Shane said changing the subject. “I’m not doing anything for a few days.” He moved closer to where I sat crossed legged on the top of the bed and placed his hand on my knee. “Why don’t we go somewhere and get away from a few days?” He moved his other hand to my cheek and moved his thumb in small circles. “How does that sound?”

“Let’s go to Alaska!” I shouted. ‘Oh gosh, doesn’t that sound like fun?”

“I was thinking of something tropical,” he said. “Bahamas perhaps?” I scrunched my nose. I didn’t want to picture Shane in a swim suit right now. And he wasn’t helping any by caressing my face.

“Or Iceland sounds like fun,” I said. “I heard their nice over there.”

“Are you kidding?” he asked. “That doesn’t sound like fun. What about Hawaii then?”

“Why don’t we just go to my place?” I suggested as I leaned forward and gave him a small kiss on his cheek. “Dad’s going to be gone for two weeks!”

“Are you still going to live with him? I thought maybe you could move in with me,” Shane said.

“Move in with you?” I repeated. He nodded his head. “Oh.”

“I’ll take that as a no then?” He removed his hand that was still on my cheek and put it on his knee. “Okay then.”

“I just…that was an unexpected comment from you,” I said. “Don’t get your knickers in a twist. I’m not ready to move in with a guy I thought was my best friend then totally ditched me for his career. You’re going to barely be home Shane. What am I supposed to do all day? Lay in your gigantic bed, watching your even larger flat screen? Sounds like fun.”

“Then come with us,” he said. “I won’t ever neglect you again and I promise you won’t be bored.”

“I don’t want to stay on a bus for months on end, watching you from backstage every night,” I said. “That’s going to get boring after a while Shane. Have you ever thought of what I want to do? I want to go to school, not lounge around watching my boyfriend jam out every night and girls throwing themselves at you.”

“You said boyfriend,” Shane said. I stared at him with an annoyed expression. “Sorry I’m being inconsiderate to your feelings then. I just thought that maybe there was a chance for you to want to come with us. I know you wanted to go to school, but I was just being stupid I guess. I thought maybe there was something in you that wanted to be with me.”

“I do want to be with you,” I mumbled. “Really, I do but I don’t see how this will work; me at school all day and you traveling around having the time of your life. And only hearing your voice on the phone for a few minutes a day? I can’t deal with that.”

“Is that the reason you don’t want to be my girlfriend?” he asked. I scoffed and rolled my eyes.

“Give up the girlfriend question for a minute,” I snapped. “That’s only a little part of it but isn’t it clear not that obviously we aren’t meant to be? We argue too much, we have nothing in common anymore and I obviously don’t want to travel around with you. Maybe we should just move on from this fantasy world Shane.”

“I knew I should have picked that pre-teen over you,” Shane said. “She’s still young enough to not know how to rip a guy’s heart out and step all over it.”

“You’re such a baby,” I snapped again. “Go be with your little girlfriend then. Have a ball Shane.”

“She’s the last person I want to be with,” Shane said. “Whatever Bella.” He stood up and started walking towards the door. “I’ll catch you later when you’re not having one of your mood swings.”

I grabbed the pillow I was sitting on and threw it at the door. Stupid Shane and his mood swings. How was I supposed to know he wanted me to move in? I could have pretended I wanted to move in and talked my way out of it. That completely came out of nowhere. Now he probably thinks I really don’t want to be with him ever and that I hate him and only use him for my own personal reasons.

I wanted someone to talk to, but I had nobody. I couldn’t randomly walk up to Barron and Sander and act like the last week never happened. I feel like I am a horrible person by ignoring them. I couldn’t talk to my dad about my Shane problems because as close as we are, he’s the last person I would go to about “boy problems.” It was too awkward because he gets too into the conversation and asks questions that have nothing to do with what I just told him. The only person I wanted to talk to was the person that just stormed out of the room like a diva.

I threw my legs over the edge of the bed and got up. I slipped on my shoes and walked to my dad’s side of the room. I dug into his drawers and found the keys to the jeep. Digging more in the drawer I found an envelope where he kept some money and pocketed two twenties. I walked out of the cabin letting the door slam after me and I walked towards the jeep.

I hastily tore off the cover and opened the door. I started the car and smoothly took off for once. I only had one destination in mind, and that was of course that small little pizza shack nearby. Maybe Travis the pizza man will listen to me complain about a guy who wasn’t exactly my boyfriend, but he might as well be.