Close to the Heart

Walking into the lone pizza shack, I noticed there was only one couple sitting down, enjoying their meal. There was no one else around, not even Travis. I walked toward the counter and started drumming my fingers on it, impatiently waiting for someone to take my order.

If I couldn’t talk to anyone, I might as well indulge myself with food – that is if anyone is even around to take my order.

“Hello there,” a calm voice behind a small window. I stared through the window and noticed the blonde hair of Travis. He left his post at the window and came around so he was standing directly in front of me. His maroon apron had flour on it and a few dried stains of tomato sauce. “Care for another meaty special?”

“Sure,” I replied. “Are you off work anytime soon?”

Travis looked to his left at the clock that was on the wall. “I get off at eight. Why do you ask?”

“Then when is your break?” I questioned. I wasn’t that desperate to wait two hours for him to get off work just so I can talk to someone. I could always talk to a tree if I had to.

Travis shrugged his shoulders. “Whenever, why? Do you want me to help you eat your pizza? I see your boyfriend isn’t here.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” I grumbled. “Listen pizza boy, I am not in the best of moods as of lately. My two best friends probably don’t want anything to do with me because I spend so much time with this guy who isn’t even my boyfriend and my dad probably doesn’t want to hear about my boy issues and the one person I want to talk to is being a moron. Now you probably think I’m psycho for telling you all of this but I just wanted to complain to someone.”

I finished speaking and I pressed my lips together. Maybe that was a little too much information to be sharing with a stranger that didn’t even ask why I’m asking about his work schedule. Travis kept staring at me with a blank expression that I presumed he was completely lost.

“Sorry, I’ll just go,” I said. “I know you don’t care about my personal issues.”

“It’s not that I don’t care,” he said, “I’ll listen to you talk if you want. I’m a good listener but I’m not good with giving advice.”

“I don’t even know what I need,” I said. “I don’t even know you yet I’m intrigued at the idea of spilling my guts to you.” Travis walked out from behind the counter and steered me toward a booth. He sat across from me and crossed his arms over his chest.

“Just talk,” he said. “Maybe I can help you with your issues.”

“I want to talk,” I replied, “But I don’t know you. What if you’re some weirdo or something?” Travis laughed.

“Okay, let me start,” he said. “I’m Travis Brentwood. I am nineteen years of age and I was pretty much born and raised in this area. This pizza shack is family owned. My dad owns it currently and I just work here for the summer. I don’t know what else there is to know. You want my street address or something?”

“No,” I replied. “That’s enough I guess.”

“So tell me about this guy,” Travis said. “The one you came in with; the one that’s causing you to have a mid-life crisis.”

“He’s not worth it anymore,” I said.

This whole idea wasn’t playing out like I hoped. Maybe I was being an idiot if I thought telling my problems to a complete stranger would work. It wasn’t helping. I was going to have to talk about Shane and to be quite honest I didn’t want to talk about him anymore. I didn’t even want to see him anymore. The sight of his straightened hair, his sparkling brown eyes and those tight white pants made me want to get any thought of him erased from my brain.

“Why isn’t he worth it?” Travis asked. “Come on, I’m listening. Just tell me what he did.”

“It’s going to take a while,” I said. Travis craned his neck to look around the shop.

“Well, there’s nobody here,” he said. “Uh, minus those two, but I mean there’s nobody here to serve. I have all night blondie.” I stared straight into Travis’s brown eyes and felt like I should at least tell him what he wanted to know. I’m already here and if I left right now I would just be making a fool out of myself.

With that I opened my mouth, and spilled everything. It took me a while to talk about everything. From day one when I met Shane, to how he shattered my heart into millions of pieces when he became an inconsiderate jerk, to recently when he wanted me to live with him and I straight up told him “no”.

“Wow,” Travis spoke. I was expecting more than one syllable from him, but if he was still processing all of that, I wouldn’t blame him. I told him over three years of my on-off relationship with Shane. “Wow, he’s not really nice.”

“You think?” I questioned. I cleared my throat while Travis played around with the salt and pepper shaker that were on the table. I quickly stood up and walked to the counter to grab a cup. My throat was extremely dry from all that talking and I went to fill the paper cup up with some water.

“Why do you even deal with him?” Travis questioned. I sat across from him talking one large sip out of my cup. I put it down and shrugged.

“I don’t even know,” I said. “Maybe I feel sorry for him or maybe I just wish that things would go back to the way they were years ago. I always thought about him, but he’s like that itch you have and that won’t go away.” Travis smirked.

“I personally think you should talk to him one last time,” he said.

“I don’t want to,” I said stubbornly. “It’s just going to end badly and one of us is bound to say something we don’t mean. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. I’m just going to pack my crap and go home.”

“Go home? Just give up like that?” he asked.

“What else am I supposed to do?” I asked. “He wants us to be together and I want to be with him, but then I don’t.”

“Okay, don’t get mad at me or anything but if you like him a lot, why don’t you stop being stubborn and go out with him? He seems like he’s in love with to a point where it’s almost stalker-like.”

“I have my reasons,” I said. I bit my lip in that unattractive way that I always do when someone’s telling me what to do. “I don’t know. I’m stupid okay? There’s a part of me that knows he won’t ever change. It’s only been two and a half months since we started talking again. He can change the second he goes back on tour.”

“Do you not like break ups or something?” he questioned.

“Who enjoys break ups?” I snapped.

“Well what if you two work out,” Travis said. “Then you get married and live happily ever after. You’ll never know until you give him a shot.”

“And if we don’t?” I asked. “I’ll blame you for suggesting I give him a shot.”

“Bella, go back to camp and talk to him,” Travis said. “Tell him you’re sorry for overreacting earlier.”

“I am not apologizing,” I said. “I didn’t do anything wrong anyways. I just told him I don’t want to live with him. I’m eighteen, why would I move out right away? I love my home.”

“Then ask him out,” Travis said. “Tell him you want him to be your boyfriend. Tell him you want to work it out.”

“Well what if I don’t want to work it out?” I asked. “Right before I told you everything there is to know about Shane’s and my past, I never wanted to see him ever again.”

“Then go pack your stuff and leave,” Travis said. “You seem so set on that. Go home Bella, maybe you’re getting too much fresh air out here and you need the city smog to make you think straight.”

“I live in the country you moron. Maybe I will leave though,” I said. “You’re starting to sound like you’re on his side.”

“I’m not on anyone’s side,” Travis said. “I don’t even know the dude. I just think you should at least say goodbye if you’re leaving.” I moved the cup to my lips one more and finished what little that was left in there. “It’s kind of messed up to just leave without saying anything.”

“Yeah, sure,” I spoke quietly. I moved to the edge of the booth and stood up. I threw my paper cup away and looked over at Travis who was still sitting, looking straight ahead. “I’m going to go now. Thanks for this chat, I guess.”

“See you later I guess,” Travis said as he finally stood up. I noticed that we were pretty much the same height now that he was standing right in front of me. He was the shortest guy I have ever met.

“Okay, bye,” I said. I started walking towards the door. I heard it slam shut behind me and I let my feet drag all the way back to the jeep. Once I was seated in front of the wheel, I closed my eyes and let my head fall back.

I wondered if I should leave and if I do, should I say anything to anyone? Would anyone even notice I was gone? Would they even care or would they freak out and report me as a missing person?

I opened my eyes and lifted my head up. I dug the key out of my pocket and started the jeep once again. It purred underneath my feet as I reversed out of spot and took off. I was anxious to return back to camp. It was dark now, so it would be easier to maneuver my way through the camp without being seen at least.

I had finally made my decision when I parked the jeep nearby to my cabin. I was going to pack everything I had and leave; leaving only a short note to my dad. Nobody else really needed an explanation my dad would most likely tell all who would ask.

The only obstacle in my way was Shane. I feared he would be in the cabin where all of my clothes and suitcase were. He could be sitting on his bed, just waiting for me to come in so he can call me stupid and yell at me some more.

The cabin was dark, except for the single light that was on in my dad’s side of the cabin. The door was closed, just how I left it. Maybe he wasn’t in there. There was a chance he could have been at the lake, or elsewhere. I grabbed the door knob and inhaled.

I slowly turned it and pushed it open. I walked in and left the door half open. I heard water running and hoped it was Shane and not my father. I flipped the light switch and noticed nobody was in the room and I immediately dashed for my suitcase that was lying on the floor with clothes spilling out of it.

I grabbed everything that I brought with me for the summer and started throwing it in my suitcase. I kept listening for the running water to continue to pour out as I grabbed everything I owned. Everything was wrinkled and thrown into my suitcase with no care, but I didn’t mind at the moment, I just wanted to get out of there before anyone questioned my intentions.

I ran to my dad’s nightstand and found a piece of paper and a pen. I wrote him a short note that consisted of twelve words.

Dad, I went home. Don’t worry, nothing’s wrong. I love you.

-B

I left the note on his pillow and went for my suitcase. I grabbed the handle and rolled it to the door. I turned off the light and shut the door for the last time. As quickly as I could, I rolled the suitcase to where I parked the jeep. The small rocks on the ground made it almost impossible to roll the suitcase properly that I ended up dragging it all the way to the jeep.

I ended up throwing the suitcase in the back and made my way into the driver’s seat. Starting the car up, I gave the camp one last glance and started to drive again.

In mere hours I would be home once again and I would never have to see Shane Gray again. I don’t even plan on talking to him either. This little infatuation I had for him was over, done, finito.