Close to the Heart

“Too cool, too cool. Yeah, I’m too cool, to know you. Don’t take it personal, don’t get emotional. You know it’s the truth, I’m too cool for you,” Tess finally finished up her song and of course strutted off the stage as if she were a superstar. I wanted to leave before she even started singing, but I didn’t want to be rude.

“That was really good,” Shane said. I stared at him as if he were crazy. “Well, for a stuck up little brat.”

“That song was pathetic,” I said as I pushed Shane out of my way and leaned against the tree. He laughed as he stood in the back with me with his arms crossed.

“Bet it’s better than anything you could sing up.” I rolled my eyes as I looked him square in the eyes.

“You can’t say that since you’ve never heard me sing.”

“So? I don’t need to; you probably aren’t that good. But not a lot of people sing well, you’ve got to have beauty and talent. You just have … well, yeah.” I was so lost whenever Shane talked to me.

“What the heck did you just say? And for your information, I have beauty and I don’t need talent, okay?”

“Suit yourself princess.”

“What’s with you and calling me princess all the time?”

“Because you act like the world revolves around you, when it clearly revolves around me.”

“The world does not revolve around you Gray!” I noticed a couple of people turned around to look at the two of us arguing like a married couple. My dad who was standing behind us intervened before I pushed Shane into the lake that was a mere 100 feet away from us. He put his arms around our shoulders and made us face the next act.

“Guys, can you not yell for five minutes?” he said softly so only the two of us could hear him.

“She started it,” Shane said.

“Shane, what did I just say?” my dad said keeping his grip on the two of us. Shane huffed loudly as the next act finished up and everyone applauded them off the stage.

“Dad, can I go? This is boring,” I complained.

“It’s dark out; I don’t want you wondering the camp by yourself.”

“Dad, nothing’s going to happen. The cabin is a minute walk that way,” I said pointing to where the camp was most lit up.

“I’ll walk her,” Shane said. My mouth dropped and I gapped at him like an idiot.

“Can I trust you two not to murder each other?”

“Yes Uncle Brown.” I nodded my head as I started walking toward the cabins.

“Couldn’t handle another minute of people and their music?” I asked as we walked in silence.

“No, I couldn’t stand hearing another second of your whining. But daddy, I’m going to get a mosquito bite! Wah, wah, wah.”

“Ugh, go back to the campfire then. I can find my own way to my bed.” I started walking faster with Shane increasing his steps as well. “Stop following me Shane.”

“It’s too bad for you I want to get some shut eye as well.” I huffed as I increased my strides and made it to the cabin. I opened the screen door and let it close behind me as I went to sit on my bed.

“Thanks for not holding the door,” Shane said as he went to sit on his bed and looked over in my direction.

“What Shane?”

“Nothing. I heard this girl singing today and I can’t get it out of my head.”

“And I should care why?” Shane shrugged.

“It was nice.”

“Okay, cool Shane,” I replied not really caring. I fixed my pillow so I could put my head down on it. As I starting to lie down, I felt my pillow being removed from underneath my head.

“Shane!”

“Don’t tell me you’re going to sleep now. What am I supposed to do all night?”

“I wasn’t going to sleep,” I replied snatching my pillow from his hands. “I got tired of you staring at me.”

“There nothing else to do in this room.”

“Then go outside, I could care less.” Shane sighed for the millionth time that night. “Quit sighing, I don’t want your hot breath all over me.”

“You know, I’ve been thinking about what you said earlier.”

“Yeah, what was that?”

“I was thinking back a few years ago, here at camp.” Shane stood up and walked over to his bed. He sat on it and bent down while he dug through his suitcase. He left me there clueless, but finally returned with a piece of a folded paper.

“I still remember this day over any other day in my life.” He handed me the folded sheet and I looked at the picture of Shane, Jason, Nate and I. It was August of 2004. Jason was grinning like an idiot, while Nate just smiled casually and what were Shane and I doing? Shane was making a silly face as I kissed his cheek.

I remember this day too, it was the best summer ever. Minus Shane’s first summer here when I was 10 and he was 11 and we shared our first kiss. But, let’s not get ahead of ourselves, Shane is still a jerk.

“Hm, you still have this?” I asked handing it back to him. He looked at me then down at the picture and smiled.

“Yeah, remember you pushed Nate in the lake and your dad totally flipped out?” I felt a smirk creep across my face as I remember that event. “See, you remember!”

“Yeah, of course I remembered. I’m surprised you still though.”

“I remember everything we ever did. I still remember the first day we met to the last day I ever spoke to you. And that day you threw your hair dryer at me.” I laughed out loud.

“Yeah, that one was your fault.” Shane sighed and bit his lip.

“I know, and I’m sorry my jealously got the better of me.”

“Whoa, did you just apologize?” I asked as Shane glared at me. “What? I wasn’t excepting that from you mate.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry I stopped talking to you because you had a boyfriend. There are you happy? I actually admitted it.” I was at a complete loss of words.

“So that’s really your reason?” I asked softly. Shane nodded.

“I should have listened to Nate in the first place. He knew we liked each other, but I never did anything about it.”

“Wait, wait a second. Who said I ever liked you?”

“You didn’t?” Shane asked shocked.

“No.” Shane’s cheeks turned red; either from embarrassment or anger.

“Not ever?” I shook my head.

“Did you ever like Nate or J-Jason?”

“No, Shane. How could I ever like my best friends?”

“What about t-those other g-guys?”

“Shane, please don’t be upset with me.”

“Who says I’m mad?”

“You stutter when you’re angry.”

“What about those guys you h-hang out w-with? Barron or whatever.”

“I don’t like them either. I mean as friends of course, they sort of replaced you since you were no longer there for me.”

“I don’t stutter when I’m angry,” Shane said in his ‘annoyed’ voice.

“Why do you keep switching topics? Stay with one.”

“Fine, why don’t you like me?”

“You are a jerk, that’s why.”

“No, before. I always thought you did, but why didn’t you?” I was not in the mood to discuss my past feelings for Shane. All I wanted to do was duct tape his mouth shut and go to bed.

“Why are you bringing this up now?” I asked curiously.

“I want to know,” he replied with a pushy tone.

“Yeah, me going out with a friend would never work.”

“How would you know? You never tried, you never gave me a chance.” I was at my breaking point now. I hated this share-your-feelings-Shane. I wanted the jerk back, now.

“Shane, shut up! We would have never worked out. Look what you turned out to be once you became famous. I wouldn’t be able to deal with that. Plus we don’t even talk, why do you care what I think about you? I l-” I stopped myself right there. He didn’t need to know anything more.

“You what? Finish your sentence.”

“No, Shane.” I stood up and grabbed my pajamas that were on my bed. I walked over towards my dad’s side of the room where the bathroom was. I locked myself in there as I changed into my pajamas. Not exactly the best outfit I could wear after my so called best friend just spilled out his feelings about me, but I could care less. I pulled my hair into a bun and walked out.

Shane was still sitting on my bed as I threw my clothes on the floor.

“I’m sorry I lashed out at you,” he said.

“Shane, can I ask you something?” He nodded. “Why aren’t you a jerk anymore? I mean why are you pouring out your feelings from years ago? Why are you telling me this now?”

“I never got the chance to tell you. All these years I was a coward and I couldn’t find myself calling you. So, I came up with ignoring you when you started going out with Derek. My jealousy of him was my main excuse for not talking to you, and I became a jerk from that.”

“Why Shane? You know you could always talk to me about anything and everything.”

“You looked so happy with him though, why would I ruin that for you? From day one I’ve always liked you and I thought you did too after we kissed.”

“We were ten, come on Shane. You can’t honestly tell me when you were 11 you fell in love with me then.”

“Well, not exactly. Probably a year later I started feeling weird around you. I told Nate and well you know the rest.”

“Nate hid that from me? Humph.”

“Yeah.” I wasn’t a fan of the awkward silences Shane and I have been having all day.

“Shane, can I be honest with you about the whole liking you situation?”

“Yeah, what do you have to say?”

“Well, on your last year of camp here, I kind started to-”

“You two are still up?” my dad asked entering the cabin and looking at the two of us.

“Yeah,” Shane and I both said at the same time.

“And you’re talking on good terms? What happened?”

“Very funny Dad.”

“No, I’m serious, what the bloody hell happened?”

“Go to bed Dad, you’re delusional now.” My dad walked over to where I was sitting on my bed and kissed the top of my head.

“I’m only going to bed because I’m bloody tired, not because you told me to, okay?” I laughed.

“Sure, Dad. Keep telling yourself that.” My dad winked over in my direction and went over to his side of the cabin.

“So, what were you saying?” Shane asked once my dad was out of earshot.

“Nothing, forget about it.”

“No, no, no, no. Tell me.”

“It’s nothing, go to bed Gray. You got classes tomorrow and I’m waking up bright and early to watch.” I moved my covers and got underneath them kicking Shane slightly.

“If you’re going to show up in my class, then you’re participating.”

“The hell I am.”

“Fine, then you’re not welcomed,” Shane said standing up from the bed. He went over to his side of the room and took off his shirt revealing his tanned, toned – okay wait, what am I doing? I shut my eyes closed and tired falling asleep.

Okay, I couldn’t fall asleep knowing there’s a guy undressing right in front of me. I half opened my eyes and saw he was now wearing pajama bottoms and a gray tank top.

“Like what you see Cessario?” I felt my face burn as I turned my back towards him. “Night princess.”

“Go make out with Tess, Gray.”

“Good comeback. We all know you’d love to see that.”

“So, is the Jerk Shane back?”

“For now, better watch your back tonight. I still need to get you back for your stunt you pulled this morning.” I smirked to myself but opened my eyes as I realized Shane could do something ten times worse. I sat up and looked over towards Shane, whose face was now a mere foot away from mine. I let out a light scream and he laughed as he ran back to his bed.

I heard my dad run towards where I was still half shocked about being that close to Shane.

“What happened? Whas’ the matter?”

“Nothing, spider. Sorry.”

“What a baby,” Shane said as he smiled and lay down on his bed. I wanted to bury him six feet under – alive. My dad shook his head and went back to bed I was guessing.

“Good night, sleep tight. That is if you can sleep knowing what I could do to you in the night.” Shane turned off his light leaving the cabin in the dark.

“I’m not afraid of you Gray; you were never good when it came to comebacks,” I said confidently.

“Okay,” he said in a sing-song way. “But it doesn’t have to be at night, I could get you when you least expect it, just to let you know.”

“Give it your best shot.” I saw Shane’s silhouette sit up in bed.

“Is that a threat? You really want me to pay you back? It won’t be pretty.” I too sat up and looked over at him.

“Bring it on buddy.”