Operator

001
‘Hey, aren’t you that guy who sexed me up on the phone?’
002
“How can a phone-sex line have trouble with finances?”
003
“So… no hanky panky shit?”
004
“I’ve had a few shots of Jay Dee... what of it?”
005
“That’s what mothers are for!”
006
“My brother heard me masturbating last night.”
007
“I never got the idea of fisting. It’s like, how can you fit your whole hand inside of you? It’s like trying to stick a watermelon or something into your sink drain. It's just ***in’ impossible.”
008
I can almost imagine him clapping his hands in enjoyment.
009
For all he knows, I could be a two tall midget with a hair problem, making me look like a werewolf child with an attitude because let’s face it, what midget doesn’t.
010
It’s really starting to put a damper on my damn pessimistic parade.
011
I start jumping around my apartment and blasting some crappy pop music on the radio up to thirty until I hear the ‘thwump-thwump’ noises of a broom being rapped up against the ceiling to tell me to shut up or die.