When masterbation's lost it's fun
my feelings for you are forever
It has been a couple weeks now, and all my kids are here with me. They have been getting along great for the last couple weeks...so I'm starting to wonder if that will come to a hault soon. Nikki has come over almost every day, and sometimes she brings Crystal. She and Junior are really good together.
Lana and Jakob get along pretty good too, so the only loner in the bunch is Joey. But Joey and I hang out sometimes . Joey is still very close with me, although he is growing up a lot faster than I like. He's a good boy though, and he looks out for his little brother Jakob.
Nikki is here today. Lana was sitting on the couch with her, and they were talking about girl stuff, so I went to find Joey. He was sitting in his room alone. I sat next to him on his bed.
"Hey kid, what's up?" I asked him softly.
"Dad, are you gonna marry this girl too?" He asked me sullenly.
"Well, I couldn't really tell you that yet buddy. Why? Don't you like her?"
"Yea I like her. But I'm afraid that if you marry her she won't be the same. That she'll be like Shelly was, and go all crazy."
"I don't think she is like that. She seems different. Shelly was after money. Nikki has her own money, she's a model for crying out loud. She doesn't need to be like Shelly. I think she really cares about me, and I really love her."
"But aren't you ever afraid that she will do that to you?"
"Well, it's crossed my mind once or twice. But I really don't think she is that kind of person."
"Is it a serious relationship?"
"Like how? I love her, yes."
"No! I mean...have you...you know..." He said, pausing and looking at me, gesturing me to understand him without him having to say the words.
"OH! Have we had sex?!" I asked laughing lightly. His face flushed red and he looked at the floor and nodded softly. "No Joey. Not yet.."
"Dad?"
"Hum?"
"Does sex hurt?"
"No. Well...it hurts the girl the first time she does it. Like, when she loses her virginity."
"Do you like sex?" He asked me, now looking me dead in the eye. Now there was a brilliant question to have to try and answer. What the fuck was I supposed to say? Well yes son! I love sex. It's one of my favorite things to do. and so on, or do I lie, and tell him I don't really like it. Well I can't say that, I have four kids, and he knows where babies come from.
"Yea. I do....but only if it is with someone I care about." Well there was a lie. I've had plenty of one night stands in my life to prove that that wasn't true. "But sex is something for when your and adult." Lie number two. I lost my virginity when I was 16. God how many times was I going to lie to this kid. "But even if you care about some one, you shouldn't rush into sex. Because it can be a big responsibility. And no matter what anybody tells you, girls are not just here so men can have sex. They are human beings, and they have feelings too. So don't treat them badly when you are old enough to have sex and be around girls and stuff. And promise me that you will take no sex advise from uncle Tre. You hear me!"
"Why?"
"Because he is a pervert."
"Dad?"
"Yea?"
"Did you cheat on mom with Shelly?"
Then I froze. How was I supposed to answer that? How had he even known about that? 80 and I agreed never to tell the boys what really happened, unless circumstances forced us to. I knew she would never tell them, and I certainly had not. So how did he know, what made him think that that had happened?
"Why?" I asked, clearing my throat.
"Cause when we were in Minnesota, I heard mom and Grandma talking, cause mom was going to call here and see how you were. Grandma said that she couldn't understand why mom was going to waist her time talking to a cheating bastard like you. Mom said that it had been a long time ago, and she'd moved on from it, and she wanted to talk to you. Grandma said that mom was stupid for being your friend after she knew what you did to her. Then she saw me watching and closed the door so I couldn't hear them anymore."
"Well Joey. What happened between me and your mother....it was a long time ago."
"Dad, If you did, I won't be mad at you. I just want to know what happened. I still love you, and I'm not going to freak out and never speak to you again. But mom, every time i ask her what happened, she tells me that it was nothing, and to go play with Jake."
"Okay. Yea Joey, I cheated on your mom. And to be honest, I regret it everyday of my life. But your mom has forgiven me, as much as she can anyways. And Shelley and I don't even speak anymore."
"Okay Dad. Thank you for telling me the truth. I love you dad." He said and hugged me tightly, and then ran out of the room. I sat on his bed for a moment longer, thinking back to that day when his mother found me in bed with another woman.
*Flashback*
“Oh my god. Oh my god! Billie! You mother fucker! How the fuck could you do this to me!?” Adie screamed as she fell back against the wall. Her voice startled me and I jumped up off of Shelley. Adie started crying and Shelley sat up.
“Adie, babe. I’m sorry. Fuck! I’m so sorry.” I said.
“Fuck you! I fucking hate you! In our bed Billie?! Why in our bed Billie!? What the fuck did you do that for!? I hate you! You mother fucking piece of shit! How could you!?”
“Baby, I’m sorr…”
“Don’t call me baby! I’m not your baby! I don’t even know you! My husband wouldn’t do this to me! The man I married loved me! I was enough for him!” Adie screamed at me. She was crying so hard. My heart crumbled at the sight of her. Tears streamed down her face, and her nose ran. Her pretty face was distorted into an expression of pain. It was soaking wet.
“Adie, please. I know I fucked up. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” I begged.
“You expect me to forgive you! You piece of shit! Who is that!? Who is she?!!! You are such a dick! Learn to keep it in your fucking pants! I hate you!” She screamed. I felt like dirt.
“Mrs. Armstrong. Hi, my name is Shelley. Look I’m sorry.” Shelley said.
“Shut up! I don’t want to hear you! You fucking whore!!!!” Adie screamed.
“Mrs. Armstrong, I’m so sorry. I really am.”
“SHUT UP!!!!!!!”
“Billie, I’m going to get Lana and go. I’m sorry.” Shelley said.
“Who the fuck is Lana? Another one of your whores Billie?” Adie asked.
“No, Lana is our six-month-old daughter.” I confessed. Adie looked at me blankly. She started crying harder. I went to her and tried to hold her. She pushed me off and slapped me.
“Fuck you! I hate you! Asshole!” She screamed. She started hitting me. She hit me in the face. She pounded her fist on my chest. “I hope you rot in hell shit head!!!! FUCK YOU!” She screamed, and punched me in the stomach with all her strength. I fell to the floor and she started kicking me. She kicked me about six times and ran out of the room.
“I deserved that.” I said to myself as I lay on the floor face down. Shelley came to me and put her hand on my back.
It had been a really ugly day, and I regret it every second of everyday. I wish it had never come to that.
Then there was a knock on the door. I looked up and saw Nikki standing in the door way. I smiled at her softly. She walked in and sat next to me on Joeys bed.
"Hey stud." She laughed."Whatcha doin' up her all alone?"
"Thinking?"
"About what?"
"How my last two relationships connected?"
"Oh. Is it alright if I ask how it was that the connected?"
"Promise you won't freak out and leave me?"
"Depends. If it's something like, me and my second wife were planning to kill my first wife and eat her, or something, I might freak out and leave you. Might." She laughed. I laughed a little too.
"No, it's nothing that drastic."
"Then spill."
"Alright, well you know how Lana is a few months older than Jakob?"
"Ahuh. Oh...wait...I think I get it."
"Really."
"Billie, I know you had an affair with that woman, before you married her. It doesn't bother me. Really it doesn't. I love you, even if you cheated on your first wife. You didn't cheat on your second wife. I don't mind, as long as you don't cheat on me too." She said. She looked at me, and kissed me softly. "Anyways, It's getting late honey."
"Are you going home?"
"Well, I was hoping I could stay with you tonight. If It's alright." She said seductively. She stood up and started to walk out of the room. When she turned the to walk towards my room, she smiled at me softly, and unbuttoned the top button on her blouse.
Comment Guys, I'd really apprieciate it
Lana and Jakob get along pretty good too, so the only loner in the bunch is Joey. But Joey and I hang out sometimes . Joey is still very close with me, although he is growing up a lot faster than I like. He's a good boy though, and he looks out for his little brother Jakob.
Nikki is here today. Lana was sitting on the couch with her, and they were talking about girl stuff, so I went to find Joey. He was sitting in his room alone. I sat next to him on his bed.
"Hey kid, what's up?" I asked him softly.
"Dad, are you gonna marry this girl too?" He asked me sullenly.
"Well, I couldn't really tell you that yet buddy. Why? Don't you like her?"
"Yea I like her. But I'm afraid that if you marry her she won't be the same. That she'll be like Shelly was, and go all crazy."
"I don't think she is like that. She seems different. Shelly was after money. Nikki has her own money, she's a model for crying out loud. She doesn't need to be like Shelly. I think she really cares about me, and I really love her."
"But aren't you ever afraid that she will do that to you?"
"Well, it's crossed my mind once or twice. But I really don't think she is that kind of person."
"Is it a serious relationship?"
"Like how? I love her, yes."
"No! I mean...have you...you know..." He said, pausing and looking at me, gesturing me to understand him without him having to say the words.
"OH! Have we had sex?!" I asked laughing lightly. His face flushed red and he looked at the floor and nodded softly. "No Joey. Not yet.."
"Dad?"
"Hum?"
"Does sex hurt?"
"No. Well...it hurts the girl the first time she does it. Like, when she loses her virginity."
"Do you like sex?" He asked me, now looking me dead in the eye. Now there was a brilliant question to have to try and answer. What the fuck was I supposed to say? Well yes son! I love sex. It's one of my favorite things to do. and so on, or do I lie, and tell him I don't really like it. Well I can't say that, I have four kids, and he knows where babies come from.
"Yea. I do....but only if it is with someone I care about." Well there was a lie. I've had plenty of one night stands in my life to prove that that wasn't true. "But sex is something for when your and adult." Lie number two. I lost my virginity when I was 16. God how many times was I going to lie to this kid. "But even if you care about some one, you shouldn't rush into sex. Because it can be a big responsibility. And no matter what anybody tells you, girls are not just here so men can have sex. They are human beings, and they have feelings too. So don't treat them badly when you are old enough to have sex and be around girls and stuff. And promise me that you will take no sex advise from uncle Tre. You hear me!"
"Why?"
"Because he is a pervert."
"Dad?"
"Yea?"
"Did you cheat on mom with Shelly?"
Then I froze. How was I supposed to answer that? How had he even known about that? 80 and I agreed never to tell the boys what really happened, unless circumstances forced us to. I knew she would never tell them, and I certainly had not. So how did he know, what made him think that that had happened?
"Why?" I asked, clearing my throat.
"Cause when we were in Minnesota, I heard mom and Grandma talking, cause mom was going to call here and see how you were. Grandma said that she couldn't understand why mom was going to waist her time talking to a cheating bastard like you. Mom said that it had been a long time ago, and she'd moved on from it, and she wanted to talk to you. Grandma said that mom was stupid for being your friend after she knew what you did to her. Then she saw me watching and closed the door so I couldn't hear them anymore."
"Well Joey. What happened between me and your mother....it was a long time ago."
"Dad, If you did, I won't be mad at you. I just want to know what happened. I still love you, and I'm not going to freak out and never speak to you again. But mom, every time i ask her what happened, she tells me that it was nothing, and to go play with Jake."
"Okay. Yea Joey, I cheated on your mom. And to be honest, I regret it everyday of my life. But your mom has forgiven me, as much as she can anyways. And Shelley and I don't even speak anymore."
"Okay Dad. Thank you for telling me the truth. I love you dad." He said and hugged me tightly, and then ran out of the room. I sat on his bed for a moment longer, thinking back to that day when his mother found me in bed with another woman.
*Flashback*
“Oh my god. Oh my god! Billie! You mother fucker! How the fuck could you do this to me!?” Adie screamed as she fell back against the wall. Her voice startled me and I jumped up off of Shelley. Adie started crying and Shelley sat up.
“Adie, babe. I’m sorry. Fuck! I’m so sorry.” I said.
“Fuck you! I fucking hate you! In our bed Billie?! Why in our bed Billie!? What the fuck did you do that for!? I hate you! You mother fucking piece of shit! How could you!?”
“Baby, I’m sorr…”
“Don’t call me baby! I’m not your baby! I don’t even know you! My husband wouldn’t do this to me! The man I married loved me! I was enough for him!” Adie screamed at me. She was crying so hard. My heart crumbled at the sight of her. Tears streamed down her face, and her nose ran. Her pretty face was distorted into an expression of pain. It was soaking wet.
“Adie, please. I know I fucked up. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.” I begged.
“You expect me to forgive you! You piece of shit! Who is that!? Who is she?!!! You are such a dick! Learn to keep it in your fucking pants! I hate you!” She screamed. I felt like dirt.
“Mrs. Armstrong. Hi, my name is Shelley. Look I’m sorry.” Shelley said.
“Shut up! I don’t want to hear you! You fucking whore!!!!” Adie screamed.
“Mrs. Armstrong, I’m so sorry. I really am.”
“SHUT UP!!!!!!!”
“Billie, I’m going to get Lana and go. I’m sorry.” Shelley said.
“Who the fuck is Lana? Another one of your whores Billie?” Adie asked.
“No, Lana is our six-month-old daughter.” I confessed. Adie looked at me blankly. She started crying harder. I went to her and tried to hold her. She pushed me off and slapped me.
“Fuck you! I hate you! Asshole!” She screamed. She started hitting me. She hit me in the face. She pounded her fist on my chest. “I hope you rot in hell shit head!!!! FUCK YOU!” She screamed, and punched me in the stomach with all her strength. I fell to the floor and she started kicking me. She kicked me about six times and ran out of the room.
“I deserved that.” I said to myself as I lay on the floor face down. Shelley came to me and put her hand on my back.
It had been a really ugly day, and I regret it every second of everyday. I wish it had never come to that.
Then there was a knock on the door. I looked up and saw Nikki standing in the door way. I smiled at her softly. She walked in and sat next to me on Joeys bed.
"Hey stud." She laughed."Whatcha doin' up her all alone?"
"Thinking?"
"About what?"
"How my last two relationships connected?"
"Oh. Is it alright if I ask how it was that the connected?"
"Promise you won't freak out and leave me?"
"Depends. If it's something like, me and my second wife were planning to kill my first wife and eat her, or something, I might freak out and leave you. Might." She laughed. I laughed a little too.
"No, it's nothing that drastic."
"Then spill."
"Alright, well you know how Lana is a few months older than Jakob?"
"Ahuh. Oh...wait...I think I get it."
"Really."
"Billie, I know you had an affair with that woman, before you married her. It doesn't bother me. Really it doesn't. I love you, even if you cheated on your first wife. You didn't cheat on your second wife. I don't mind, as long as you don't cheat on me too." She said. She looked at me, and kissed me softly. "Anyways, It's getting late honey."
"Are you going home?"
"Well, I was hoping I could stay with you tonight. If It's alright." She said seductively. She stood up and started to walk out of the room. When she turned the to walk towards my room, she smiled at me softly, and unbuttoned the top button on her blouse.
Comment Guys, I'd really apprieciate it