Passion in My Eyes, Ice in My Veins

“I’m thinking about getting my sleeve done soon.” Matt shrugged as Brian asked about the outline on his arm.

“What will your parents do?” Zacky laughed.

“They’d kill you.” I laughed looking at Matt.

“That’s why I’m waiting till after graduation, right before we go on the road.” He laughed and kissed my cheek then turned back to the guys.

“Graduation is only a week away.” Brian smiled. “Thank god.”

I tried to smile, but I couldn’t. It was so hard to when I knew the guys were leaving once school was out. I know I could just get in their van and go with them, but I had to stay here and go to college, become a house wife and get a well paying job.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come?” Matt asked as if he was leaving at that very moment.

“I want to,” I nodded, “but I can’t.”

“You should. It’ll be so much better sleeping in a tiny ass van with us than it will be slaving away to work.” Zach laughed.

“I need to go to college though. I want to be the first in my family to graduate college.” I sighed.

“It’s okay baby.” Matt kissed my head. “I just wish you would change your mind.”

“I can’t.”

“I know.” He sighed.

A little while later we all split up. Matt took my hand as I started to walk away from him saying bye to everyone. “Leslie.”

I turned my head a little and looked at him as he caught up. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” I shook my head and kept walking, hugging my books to my chest.

“No, something’s wrong.” He stepped in front of me, and put his hands on my shoulders so I wouldn’t walk away from him. “Tell me Leslie.”

I sighed and looked down feeling tears stinging my eyes. “I don’t want you to leave.” I choked out. God, I hated crying in front of him.

Matt sighed sadly and pulled me into his strong arms. “Don’t cry baby.”

“I can’t help it.” My voice cracked and I felt tears roll down my cheeks. “I hate being away from you for just a few days. How am I going to make it without you for god knows how long?”

He lifted my chin so I was looking him in the eyes. “I’m not going to just leave you here,” he told me, wiping away my tears. “I’m going to come back to see you.”

“But how often will that be? You’re going to be busy playing shows and doing sound check and recording and-”

He pressed his lips hard against mine. My eyes were still wide and sad. I couldn’t close them. Time with him nowadays was so precious. I was afraid this moment would just slip away.

Matt pulled away after a minute. “I’m coming back for you. I swear,” he said sternly.

I nodded, still crying a little and he hugged me against his chest. “Leslie.” Matt sighed. “Stop crying.”

“I can’t help it!” I said rather loudly, wiping my eyes. “I’m going to be without you for months!”

“I’m still going to call you and stuff!” Matt looked down at me as I looked back up at him.

“That’s not the same!” I cried.

“What am I supposed to do, Leslie?! I can’t just come back to you whenever I feel like it! I wish I could, but it just doesn’t work that way,” he said angrily.

I stepped away from him, not understanding why he was yelling. “Why are you getting angry with me?” I asked defensively as a tear ran down my cheek.

“Cause you fucking crying won’t change the fact I’m leaving! It won’t change the fact I’ll be gone for however long! There’s no reason to fucking cry over this! I’m going to come back!” He shouted angrily.

I’m pretty sure a few people turned to look our way, shocked he was yelling at me.

Quite frankly, I was shocked he was yelling at me too. We never yelled.

I stood there, astonished. I couldn’t believe he yelled at me like that, and I couldn’t believe he would say something like that to me.

“Fucking say something, Leslie!” Matt hollered, angry about the fact I was just staring at him.

My jaw tightened, and my hands rolled into fists. I had to say it. “Fuck you.”

I turned on my heel then walked away from him, knowing he was standing there with his jaw on the floor. It was one thing for me to walk away from him. It was another thing for me to cuss at him out of anger.

I shouldn’t have said that. Oh my god. I can’t believe I just did that. I’m so freaking stupid. Oh god.

As soon as I got to my room I collapsed on my bed and started crying. I couldn’t believe I just said that to him. I couldn’t believe him! How can he yell at me like that for crying over the fact I won’t see him for such a long time? Did it not upset him that he’d be away from me?

The next day at school was awful. Matt kept trying to talk to me, but I kept walking away from him. It’s not like I wanted to. My mind was just telling my feet to carry me far away from him. I guess I was just too scared to talk to him. Anyways, he stopped trying to confront me after a few bells.

“What happened with you and Matt?” Zach asked as he caught up to me after school.

“He didn’t tell you?” I asked monotonously, actually shocked.

“Nah,” Zacky shook his head, “he’s not talking to any of us.”

I was really surprised. I didn’t think it would have effected him that much. He acted like a complete jackass to me.

“He was just being an ass.” I shrugged.

“What happened?” He actually sounded sorry for me, so I decided to tell him.

He rolled his eyes when I finished the story. “Matt’s just an idiot.”

“Yeah, I know.” I almost laughed.

“He really is going to miss you, you know,” Zacky said sincerely.

“I don’t know.” I sighed and kept walking.

“Just give him time. He’ll apologize the right way. He’s just stressed about everything.”

“Thanks.” I smiled a little at him. I guess Zach wasn’t that bad of a guy.

“Sure.” He smiled then walked back to Brian and the guys, minus Matt.

My smile slowly faded thinking about how close Graduation was. Would Matt and I be talking by then?