Passion in My Eyes, Ice in My Veins

“Leslie Anne Turner,” the Principal said as she turned her head to look at me, standing at the top of the steps.

Graduation. The day was finally here. I was excited, yet upset. Happy, yet sad. Matt and I still weren’t talking at this point. He gave up on trying and I gave up hope that he would still try, if that made sense.

It felt like every single person in the entire gymnasium was looking directly at me. Not at their son or daughter, friend or family member. At me. I didn’t like this very much. I felt my palms beginning to sweat and my knees trembled. What if I tripped?

I groaned a little under my breath as I walked towards the podium where I would receive my diploma. The Principal smiled at me as I got closer, in reach of the scroll of paper, stating I graduated high school.

I grabbed it and smiled a little at her, my lips shaking. I took a deep breath and shook hands with my vice principal, school counselor, and the head of the Board of Education. I felt so gross since my palms were clammy and they were forced to shake hands with me.

I did it. I made it off the stage with out tripping, and without making a fool out of myself. I remembered exactly the way to go and exactly who to shake hands with. I sat back down at my seat next to everyone else who already received their diploma and let out a sigh of relief.

“You look so nervous,” a voice whispered to me as I watched everyone else in my athletic department walk across the stage.

I looked over my shoulder and saw Cassandra. “I am.” I laughed.

“We did it!” She smiled holding up her diploma.

“I know! I can’t believe it!” I smiled, but was shushed by the teacher who heard us whispering between the loud cheers of the proud parents and family members.

“Matthew Charles Sanders.”

My heart sank. I swear I could feel my stomach against my spine. I felt sick.

I saw Matt walk across the stage to the podium with a slight smile on his face. I watched him intently, wishing that he would just look at me. My heart stopped when he did. As he passed me, he looked at me then looked away, seeing I was looking back. I sighed, frustrated.

“Congratulations!” My Mother smiled as she pulled me into a hug the first second she saw me walk out of the doors with other graduates.

I laughed and hugged her back, holding onto my cap so it wouldn’t fall off. “Pictures!” My Father smiled and took a photo of us hugging quickly. He got my Mom when she was whaling with tears.

I took a few more pictures with the two of them, then they let me walk around to say goodbye to my friends. I had one person in mind that I wanted to say goodbye to, but I couldn’t find him.

“Hey Leslie!” Zach smiled walking over to me, holding his cap and diploma in the same hand.

“Hey Zach.” I smiled back. We had gotten a little closer these past few weeks. He said he was sorry for Matt being an ass, and he told me he’ll come around soon.

“Can you believe it’s over?” He laughed and looked around at some of the crying ex-seniors who were hugging their best friends.

“No.” I laughed and shook my head. “I’m sure you’re happy it is, though.” I nudged him a little shyly. “Your tour is in a few days.”

“I can’t wait!” He smiled excitedly.

“Hey Zach! Pictures!” Matt, his younger brother, called from a group of people who had to be related to him. They all had the same nose.

“Well, I’ll see you sometime.” He smiled awkwardly at me, not knowing if he should hug me or not.

Oh what the hell? I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck and he wrapped his arms around my waist for a hug. “You guys’ll be great.” I smiled at him once we pulled away.

“Thanks.” he smiled shyly then walked away, waving.

I watched him, hoping he would keep in touch. Even though we weren’t best of friends, I was hoping he would know by now that I want to know everything that happens on the tour. Not in the weird stalker way. Just so he could keep me updated on the exciting rock star lives they’ll be living.

I smiled a little and turned around. As I was looking at the ground I saw a pair of black shiny shoes right in front of me and I stopped, almost running into the guy. “Sorry!” I held onto my cap and looked up at him.

Oh god… “Hey,” he said in his raspy, luscious voice that always made my heart melt.

Why was he talking to me now? “Um. Hey,” I replied awkwardly. I felt my palms start to sweat again.

“You looked beautiful up there.” His voice was quiet and his tone sincere.

“Thanks.” I blushed and looked at the ground, not knowing what to say to my own boyfriend.

“I’m sorry, Leslie.” He sighed. “I was an ass.”

“Yeah, you kind of were.” I agreed.

He sighed again. “I guess I deserved that.” He coughed. “But I don’t want to leave, when we’re in a fight.”

I nodded in agreement and kicked the rocks under my feet. “Do you want to get out of here?” he asked quietly.

I opened my mouth to respond, but my Mother interrupted. “Leslie,” she made her way over with her lips in a hard line. She probably still didn’t approve of me speaking to Matt. “We’re going out to dinner to celebrate. Come on.” She looked Matt up and down with a slight sneer on her face then walked back to my Father who was talking to another parent.

I sighed. “Well I gotta go.” I started to walk away, but he grabbed my hand. An electric shock jolted through me.

“I’ll be at the beach tonight for the bon fire,” he said in a low voice. “Try to come.”

I didn’t want to promise anything. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to see him at all before he left. It would probably just kill me. I nodded a little then walked away once he loosened his grip on my hand.

I faked a smile when my Mom bragged about how I was going to some college for tennis, to some parents whose child was going to Harvard. I rolled my eyes a little, but I looked back at Matt and his parents. His head was bowed and I saw his Mom point her finger at me, then back at Matt. She looked livid.

I had no idea what was going on. I quickly looked away when his Father looked my way, and contributed little to the conversation of college. I was thinking about if I should go tonight or not. I couldn’t decide.