I Left The Lights On So You Stumble In Devotion

His mother’s voice rang in his ears, and for a split second he felt like he was eight again, back in Russia and late for school. The weight against his side felt much heavier than his brother, Denis, but he continued to shove at it.

“Geno, what the fuck?”

“Пойдите открывают дверь.”

“What?”

Then it kicked in, his brother didn’t speak English and he wouldn’t be in his bed.

“Mother. Here.” muttered Evgeni, ignoring the fact that he was naked, jumped up and began to frantically search his floor for something to put on.

“I don’t hear anyone…”

Evgeni stopped, a t-shirt halfway over his head. When he listened closely, he realized that his apartment was silent apart from his and Sidney’s breath. Sidney was still asleep, too much to laugh at the paranoia of Evgeni. Evgeni continued to put on his t-shirt, hauling on a pair of sweatpants that had been laid on a chair. He would have forgotten why he was the only one naked if he hadn’t been thinking about what he’d been doing before falling asleep as soon as he’d realized he’d woken up.

Although they’d only been asleep for a little over an hour, it felt like it was already the next day. Practice was the last thing Evgeni wanted to do, noticing how Sidney’s body curved into a seducing shape when he was sleeping. Having Sidney Crosby in your bed would make nearly any woman restless, but the fact that Evgeni had the hormones of a twenty two year old man made it much more intense.

“Go back to sleep.”

“Practice soon.”

Sidney groaned, slowly forcing himself to sit up. Mentioning practice would be it for Sidney, it would be enough to wake him up and probably get him energetic enough to do anything. Anything kept repeating itself in Evgeni’s head, and he shook it desperately trying to get it to stop.

“What are you doing?”

Evgeni looked over, shrugging his shoulders at Sidney. Sidney’s hair was messed up, flicked up in every which way. Sidney must have caught him staring, getting off the bed to wander over to the mirror. His hand rubbed over his head, and Evgeni wondered if Sidney found his hair was as soft as he did.

“Sex hair.” muttered Sidney, patting it down roughly against his head.

“What?” coughed Evgeni, shoving his hands deep down into his baggy sweatpants.

“I said I’ve got sex hair.” Sidney ignored how awkwardly Evgeni stood behind him, how his cheeks instantly grew red. “I look like shit. What time is it?”

“Three.”

“Can I take a shower here? I don’t think I’ve got enough time to go home and then back to the arena.”

It wasn’t like he was going to say no, but Evgeni had to pause for a second when Sidney hauled his shirt over his head, revealing his naked chest directly in front of Evgeni’s eyes. It wasn’t like Evgeni hadn’t seen it before, but it was different having it in his own bedroom rather than a more public dressing room. There was some new sort of attractiveness about Sidney, and it made him feel much different that normal.

“What?”

“Nothing.” mumbled Evgeni, standing still to watch as Sidney removed his jeans and walked into his bathroom.

His thoughts remained on how Sidney’s naked body would look, probably dazzling and sparkling in his shower with water splashing off every muscle. He tried his hardest to shake the grin off his face, deciding to wait in his living room while Sidney’s singing in the shower rang in his ears.

***

Evgeni was abnormally quiet all practice, letting his voice only be audible when expressing his want for the puck. He’d daze off in between drills and end up staring at Sidney, who most of the time was playing with the imperfect tape on the end of his stick or fidgeting around with a loose thread on his glove. Every little movement Sidney made distracted Evgeni, every movement by Evgeni showed how preoccupied he was.

“Geno, you’ve got to get your head in the game.” Max tapped Evgeni’s shoulder, causing his brain to jut back to reality.

“Sorry.”

Evgeni continued to rifle the puck roughly (and somewhat clumsily) to Max, the sound of Max’s stick slapping at it towards the net was loud and sharp. It would have to be a perfect situation for this play to work out, but Evgeni was positive that he would be able to set up Talbot just as well as Billy and Sidney could set each other up.

Evgeni bit his tongue, thinking heavily while his eyes were still concentrated on Sidney as he laughed and glided around Kris. He wondered if he had somehow grown jealous of Billy’s connection with Sidney on the ice, or maybe if he’d grown slightly envious that he couldn’t be the one to play on the same line with Sidney.

“Imagine if that works.” Max snorted, leaning his chin onto the top of his stick.

They skated around a little bit more before everybody began to leave the ice and head to the dressing room. Evgeni was happy that Sidney had taken a seat a few spots away from him, just so he wouldn’t have to look so suspicious for staring over at him every five seconds.

His shirt was in his hands, but he was just standing there talking to Orpik; he clearly had no intention of putting it on his body right away. Evgeni shut his mouth, noticing he’d been staring at Sidney looking completely dumbfounded instead of getting dressed.

***

When the buzzer rang and the yells of the fans began to blast through the stadium, Evgeni couldn’t help but smile as he found himself caught in a circle of the teammates from his line; Max had scored the first goal with a beautiful one-timer, set up from a pass by Evgeni himself. Everybody on the bench was intently watching every hit, pass and shot on the ice, watching carefully to make sure they could correct any of the mistakes they made. Nobody would smile, knowing that one goal didn’t mean anything.

It felt like it meant a lot less when Zetterberg managed to tap in a puck not even two minutes after Max’s goal, followed by Franzen only five minutes later. The mood would have normally dropped, causing the team to stop playing so well offensively; but this was an important game.

Four minutes later, Evgeni set up Kris for a shot at the net, tying the game two to two before the end of the second period let out. Tying the score was a necessity, it put hope back into everybody’s mind and body. It made everybody feel like there was still a chance as they sat in the dressing room, going over plays and passes that would have to be made.

But there were no goals in the second period, and everybody was almost thankful for this considering there’d been at least two minutes where they were short-handed. Evgeni would watch Sidney as he skated around, making the most obvious scoring chances without getting any goals; he could tell that Sidney was mildly frustrated, just by the way the he pursed his lips before facing off.

“Okay, finally, this is the time to get one.” Bylsma was on the edge just like the rest of them, even though he wasn’t a player.

Ericsson had gotten a penalty for interference. Evgeni glided across the ice with the rest of the power play line, enjoying how this was the only way he’d get to play with Sidney unless they were really desperate for a goal. Sidney nodded at him before bending down to face off for the puck, causing some sort of fluttering to occur in Evgeni’s stomach.

It didn’t seem like the power play made any sort of difference. After nearly a minute and a half went by and nothing had happened, the five of them were getting possibly more frustrated with themselves than they had before. They just wanted something to go in.

“Geno!” Evgeni looked up, feeling the slap of the puck against his stick after it’d come rifling across from Sidney.

Instinctively, Evgeni shot the puck back to Gonchar. Gonchar slapped at it, sending it firing into the corner of the net, far past Osgood. Everybody yelled, feeling happy as Ericsson shamefully walked out of the penalty box. They were finally winning again.

***
They’d won the game, ending with an official score of four to two; Sidney had given Max a pass to an empty net, allowing him to get a second goal. Evgeni was satisfied with his three points in assists.

Sidney sat next to him in his car, flicking through some random open cd case he’d found laying on the passenger’s seat. They’d been driving around for a while now, just wasting time until Evgeni assumed his parent’s would be asleep; it was safer for the two of them to be at Evgeni’s even if his parent’s were there.

“Getting late.” mumbled Evgeni, his finger tapping against the spot in his car where the lights flicked the numbers of the late hour.

“Maybe you should just drop me off.”

Evgeni glanced over, seeing Sidney stare out his window as they passed along dark streets. Sidney was too caught up in his own head to notice Evgeni swerving along the roads, focusing too much on Sidney’s silence than the road.

“Anything wrong?”

“No.”

Evgeni decided to remain silent for the rest of the ride to Mario’s, thinking to himself about how risky it was for him to just drop Sidney off late at night when Mario was clearly home and suspicious. It wasn’t even suspicion anymore, Mario knew the actual truth. Yet, Sidney still sat quietly and calmly, staring out his window as though he might miss something terribly important if he looked away.

Evgeni felt a bit nervous pulling into Mario’s driveway, a part of him half-afraid that Mario would be storming out to greet them with an angry, unamused expression on his face. But Mario never showed, and Sidney still sat confidently beside him. Evgeni had stopped completely now, his hand still laying at the gear shift as he waited for Sidney to open his door and walk away from the car.

But Sidney sat there, hands in his laps and face still directed towards the window. It was starting to turn Evgeni impatient, having him just sit there in his car with the engine still running.

“You know when I came over last night?”

Evgeni just nodded, eagerly waiting for any answer at all that could satisfy his curiosity.

“I was supposed to tell you I’m moving out.”

“Out?”

“Yeah, out. I’m not staying at Mario’s anymore.”

Evgeni was confused, and there was no way he could physically hide it; he was aware that his eyes were wide, his mouth hung open and his eyebrows were arched. Sidney’s lips were pursed, and even though he looked as though he had more words to say, he didn’t.

“So…”

“Yeah, I just need to grab a few things and you can bring me to a hotel or something.

Evgeni didn’t know what to say, giving in to the awkward tension that lingered in the air between him and Sidney. He watched as Sidney got out, slamming the door loudly. He unlocked the front door of Mario’s and walked in, shutting it just as loudly behind him.

Evgeni was sure that Sidney wouldn’t expect to be staying at his apartment, and he was positive that he didn’t want to have to explain to his parent’s why Sidney now had to sleep at his apartment. Evgeni couldn’t help but wonder how Sidney was going to explain this to his teammates when they heard that he was no longer living with Mario, thinking that Sidney might have possibly made a huge mistake just because he likes to grope Evgeni at night instead of some tall, lanky woman.

Sidney was back outside the door now, and Mario was with him. Evgeni could tell that they were arguing, even if their voices were too low to detect over the music playing on the radio. Mario’s house keys were being laid in his hand by Sidney, but Mario kept trying to persuade him to take them back. Sidney was shouting now, picking up a bag that he’d left at his side.

Mario had finally given up, his hands up in a mix of defeat and surrender. Sidney had turned around, his back towards Mario as he walked back towards the car. Evgeni made sure his eyes were on the steering wheel in front of him, hoping that Mario wouldn’t catch a glimpse of him. It was pointless considering the fact that Mario knew it was Evgeni’s car, and that there was a probable chance Evgeni was inside, desperately waiting for Sidney to get back inside.

“Okay?”

Sidney tossed his bag into the small backseat, slamming the door behind him as he sat back down into the passenger’s seat. His face was flushed, his eyes a bit puffy; Evgeni hoped with every ounce of effort in his body that Sidney wouldn’t begin to cry.

“No. Just drop me off somewhere.”

Evgeni swallowed dryly, waiting for the right time to offer up his own apartment. He didn’t want to, but he did want to, and the confusion that lays between that statement is far too intense for him to describe.

“Stay with me?” And it was out there, just like Evgeni had expected and just like Evgeni knew Sidney would have possible expected.

“No.”

Evgeni didn’t reply, mainly because he was a bit shocked that Sidney had declined his offer. It had taken him ages to say it, and it didn’t matter anyway; he felt like he’d struggled for absolutely no reason. But when he thought about it, that was how he felt most of the time when it came to Sidney. Everything would work out.

“Max said earlier I could stay if I needed a place.” added Sidney, shrugging his shoulders as Evgeni nodded and began to drive in a different direction.

“Okay.” Safe word.

“It’s only temporary, until I find a place.”

Evgeni caught Sidney’s eyes, observing quickly how upset Sidney looked before darting his eyes back on the road. He quickly made a u-turn in the middle of the empty street, ignoring Sidney’s questioning expressions.

“What are you doing?”

“Going home.”

“Yeah, but what about Max’s?” Sidney turned around in the seat, pointing back in the direction they’d been headed in. “It’s late, you don’t have to keep driving around.”

“You come with me.”

“Are- are you sure, Evgeni?” Sidney actually looked surprised.

This is what hurt Evgeni the most, picking out the look of shock on Sidney’s face in the darkness of the car. Evgeni could tell that Sidney really didn’t think he would have wanted him there, but he was out to prove him wrong.

“...want you there.”

“It’s only temporary.”

“Okay.” Evgeni removed his right hand from the wheel, sliding it over into Sidney's hand that still lay at his lap; it stayed there the entire drive back.